


The Xenoc Tablets: The Mind of Madness, an Apocalypse in Five Parts.

by Almentoe



Series: Xenoc Tablets [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark Comedy, F/M, Horror, Other, Satire, Time Travel, cosmic horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26325490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Almentoe/pseuds/Almentoe
Summary: A story about the Faye of two mirror worlds: they negotiate with the forces of absolute nihilism, using mental spy-craft. There is a 'cosmic horror' known as 'The Dhark'; whom the Faye have a pact: the 'MADstar System'. However, The Beast is a multi-faceted cancer in the mind of God: Dudley 'Cartman' Dursley. A satire, about the current state of internet politics, and how it will inevitably lead to worse outcomes, if we refuse to forgive. Bleak and dark, and ruthless in its humour; for, there is always Hope, however, she's strung out on Goblin Crack. Features include: an alien invasion in progress, the necessity for some censorship, and time travel, but by someone who actually understands physics. I am currently rewriting this, in view to have it make more sense, and so it makes more sense in the sequal, which takes place mostly in the Mirror World. I thank everyone who has given me criticism so far.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter, Nicolas Flamel / The Muse
Series: Xenoc Tablets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970401
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

This is the completely uncensored Chapter One.

Warnings: implied incest, but for comic effect. And a come joke at the end. Also many layers of come in the middle. What I'm trying to say is, that this story; is turtles all the way down.

There will be explicit sex scenes in Chapter 3.

* * *

" _ **You are a pawn of forces unseen."**_

Harry hears the sibilant voice echo in his mind.

 _How long had the deception been in play?_ _What was really real anymore?_ _Was there no one he could trust?_

These questions swirl in his mind, like the insane chitter of gnats.

 _If only he had someone to confide in_.

Dumbledore would sort this all out.

_If only he were not beyond a veil of time._

* * *

Chapter One. Game.

* * *

Harry and Hermione ride Buckbeak. Harry counts the windows; _one, two._ _Do they have enough time?_ _Three, there!_

 _Sirius is there!_ Harry dismounts Buckbeak, who faces the window.

Harry balances on the awning. Hermione bobs up and down with the beat of Buckbeak's wings. Harry taps the window.

Harry tapped on the window to get Sirius' attention. Sirius jumped, and whirled around to see Hermione suspended in the air by Buckbeak. He saw a glint of gold just behind Buckbeak's eyes. And he also saw Harry's worried face through the bars of his prison.

He was flooded with panic. _Fuck, Harry it's a trap! Snivellus' is mad!_ He gestured wildly and shouted wilder; of course, they couldn't hear his shouting that it's a trap.

Hermione frowned, gripping Buckbeak's neck for dear life, and trying not to think how high up she was. Her time turner lay against the face of the Hippogriff, just behind the eyes.

W _hat spell could do I use to unlock the window, of course perhaps it would be best to unseal the magic that is producing the clearly one-way sound blocking that is in effect? 'Alohomora' would unlock the window._

_Assuming that there aren't higher level magics in play._

_Perhaps the sneakier way would be to use the American spell 'Alberto'; very interesting fact about that spell is that the witch who discovered it- I'm getting side-tracked._

_Yes, 'Alberto' would be best._

_Fewer side effects._

Hermione raised her wand and incanted, "Alberto" pointing her wand at the window, then making the pattern of a keyhole with the tip of her wand.

Four things happened once the spell hit the window.

A sound akin to a bag of sand hitting the floor thudded out.

Then a mechanical ticking started.

The third thing that happened was a disembodied voice screaming like the echoes at the bottom of a well:

"Intruder detected!"

The voice repeated itself like the drips of water from a tap. And Hermione's spell causes the window to spring open.

"Intruder detected!"

Harry jumps in fright.

Harry is knocked off the awning. He uses his seeker reflexes to grab the bottom of the window with his left hand. His wand falls out his pocket. It clatters to the stone of the awning. He tries to grab at it with his right hand.

"Intruder detected!"

He manages to finger it. Harry's finger sticks to the wand.

The window swings further. The wand becomes unstuck. It drops and quickly disappears from view.

"Intruder detected!" Hermione panicked. _What have I done?_

"Intruder detected!"

The door to Sirius' cell bursts open. Snape. "Well, well, well." drawled Snape. He stops the annoying alarm spell. "It looks like the Dementors will feast on more than just one tonight." He stepped into the room, quickly flicking his wand at Sirius.

Glowing ropes ensnared his body.

 _No doggies tonight._ _ **It seems I underestimated my former friends, a clever ploy using Polyjuice.**_ _If I act against them, then I can pass it off as them thinking they really were Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. Yes, time to put the traitorous dog down... later, I have waited too long for this._ A dark grin stretched his face; laughing at a joke only he knew.

Hermione's face contorted in horror.

Snape's wand flicked towards her.

Hermione was quicker; the bird summoning spell, the first that entered her mind, probably because of where she sat; "Av-".

Snape's wand snapped out a red beam before she could finish the spell, however. His face was contorted with rage, and, relief?

 _ **Is the Dark Lord aware of my deception now?**_ _Why else would they send an agent to release Black, and with the carte blanche to assassinate me as well?_ Snape cognated quickly in the heat of a battle for his life.

Hermione's eyes widened as the red beam headed towards her. Then bellowed out "Protego", the beam dinged off her shield. The red nimbus shoots against the window holding Harry in place.

The window creaks. Harry gets a sick feeling, in the pit of his stomach. He leaps off the window. It yanks and snaps away. He grasps the awning. He holds it for dear life. He gets his feet against, the stone below, for balance. He grapples up to the window. His head peaks inside the room. _My wand._ He feels shame.

Sirius gave a yell, Snapes eyes fix on him. _He's good and distracted- make good on it Hermione!_ He mentally screamed. Harry yells "Now Hermione!"

He sees what Sirius is trying to convey.

Hermione shouts "Expelliarmus!".

The green jet shot over the back of Harry's head. It hits Snape in the face. His wand flew into the air.

Snape panicked. His eyes bulged at poly-Hermione. His wand clattered to the floor in front of Black. _No matter. Always have a spare..._

Sirius lunged, well fell really, for the wand; trussed up in ropes as he was. He grabbed it in two fingers. He dispelled the anti-animagus ward and ropes.

_Haha Snivellus! I bet I looked very charming and handsome while I did it too!_

Sirius chuckled, then turned the wand on Snape.

Snape flicked his wrist, and a shaft of woo-

_Fuck he has another wand!_

* * *

A few minutes prior, Dumbledore paced his office. His desk sat in front of a long bay window. Behind the desk itself, was Dumbledore's chair. Behind the chair there was a telescope.

The telescope had an Amber lens. To the left of the desk there was a mantelpiece.

Below this mantel, lay a fire crackling merrily. Above the mantel, there was a patch of wall that was lighter than the rest.

This light shape resembled a two-way split. This two-way split had blobs on the fork end. This bident shape stood in sharp contrast to wall it was placed on. Above the light shadow on the wall. There is a hook.

This key hook looked like it was missing something important. Dumbledore paced his office.

 _**Yes, very clever of me to think to use The Time Turner** _ _in such an ecumenical manner. Sometimes even I'm amazed at my brilliance. Hmm, perhaps a spot of tea while Harry and Hermione are sorting it all out? Sirius would be free soon. The best part is the deniable plausibility, so Fudge would never suspect my part in freeing what to him is a mass murderer._

 _I do wish I could get Snape to see reason with Sirius. I did leave the appropriate hints._ _**His meddling could ruin ever-** _ _ah, another one of those 'Ekrizdis' Whispers'. I really do regret my foray into dark magic in my youth._

Dumbledore stepped over to his desk, opened his draw, and picked out a fluffy pink diary titled appropriately: "Dream Diary".

 _Hmm, how best to word it so I know what the whisper said, but so Minerva won't_ _**think I've gone mad** _ _?_ _Ah, that's right, I'll say that I had a dream about Tom saying it._

He scratched his quill to tell the short tale. With a satisfied smile he leaned back in his chair, he put his feet up on his desk, then he remembered his thirst; and put them back down.

_It would not do well to show impropriety to a House elf; they are sticklers for such._

"Tweak!" he commanded.

_I do so hate using their slave names._

_But I guess they aren't human, so I'll play by their rules._

_I do so hate ruffling feathers._

Tweak popped into existence a moment later.

"What is it you be wanting, Headsmaster sir?" Tweak asks the bearded wizard.

 _So fluffy. Such nice man._ _ **He master.**_ **"** I am dying"- _Heads-master dying?_ "of thirst," _\- oh Heads-master will wants his cup of tea._

"I will take my afternoon tea now, my dear Tweak."

Tweak clicks her fingers, and master's will be done.

A platter containing a teapot, some buttered crumpets, _very nice, I wouldn't have thought up something so good,_ and the all-important Jade Teacup that Dumbledore loved so much; appeared on the desk.

"You may leave, Tweak."

_Yeech, sounds so harsh to my human ear, but, propriety must._

Tweak vanished with a pop.

Dumbledore sat back after pouring some of the delicious tea.

He sniffed at the vapour that clouded the cup.

 _Ah, yes, from a river valley... somewhere near Delhi, given the slight hint of pollution, and the general sense of the fingers that had packaged the tea._ He let his mind wander. _What tangled webs we weave and leave. I should write that one dow-_

Dumbledore sat bolt upright, having felt the tingle of an alarm ward go off. _Not one of mine... Not 'beardy' enough for that, no, unless it was an old ward... No definitely not me, it 'tastes' a little like-_

"Severus!" Dumbledore exclaimed, and it all came to him in a flash of insight. He knew that the general area was from where Sirius was kept.

Further, he was unable to get Severus to see reason earlier; when he told Severus that Sirius was innocent.

Therefore, he knew that it was Severus' alarm ward, to set a trap for Sirius.

"Foolish boy!" he roared in panic. _Where is The Key?!_ Dumbledore strode over to his mantel-piece. "Damn it, where's The Key?!"

He knocks over the urn holding his supply of Floo Powder in his frenetic search for The Headmaster's Key.

His attention is momentarily diverted by the flow of the silvery rainbow-coloured powder.

_Ah, of course..._

* * *

A very long time ago, and on a planet very far away, there lived two sapient races, one called 'The Eldar' the other were called 'The Turions'.

They hated each other, although strictly speaking the Eldar were incapable of such trivial emotions-

I'm telling the story!

Well, that's all well and good, but, like, these guys don't know that yet, do they?

Their little monkey minds.

Is this thing still on?

You built this heap of junk.

Don't get all chirpy with me!

Anyway, as I was thinking.

There was a big forest, and in the middle of the forest.

There were.

A pair of trousers?

Called 'Dave'?

Yes.

I know it's the wrong story! I meant to do that!

And that!

Man.

This thing is still on?

I've lost my train of thought now.

Anyway-

An exceedingly long time ago, on a planet stupendously far away, there lived two sentient races, one called 'The Eldar' and the other were called 'The Turions'.

They hated each other.

Like a lot.

The Eldar were really smart and the Turions were-

Don't make me get out the 'Stapler' again!

Right!

That does it!

The nasty little bugs never learn!

Right, I think it's on.

Stupid Turion technology.

They should have stuck with catching other bugs in their webs.

Anyway, the Turions were biological lifeforms infused with an element the simpleminded call 'Iron'.

Now, this 'Iron' is not the same stuff that the simpleminded would normally encounter, however, and on contact with arcane energy, this stuff just sucks it up; like the nasty little parasite it is.

The simpleminded usually call this stuff 'True Iron' when their stupid race first encounters it.

Hence the name 'Trueiron' or 'Turion' as the races with mouths like to spew.

He he, so amusing.

Why aren't you saying-

Never mind, the 'Stapler' tends to have that effect on him.

He usually comes back the next morning, wearing something different, and forgetting what I thought.

Where was I?

So, there was this pair of trousers.

Called 'Dave', right?

* * *

Giaa was many things; and some would say all things, if you're into that sort of thing.

But chiefly she was a spurned mother; a mother who thinks she's given everything to her kids, and found them mostly to be dick bags who never sent her cards when they grew up.

She isn't entirely wrong.

But equally, from a certain point of view, she was an absentee mother.

Peter Pettigrew was- the analogy breaks down here.

Peter Pettigrew was a rat; in almost all senses of the word.

Particularly literally, at this very moment.

_Shit shit shit ohhhh shit. They know. They know. Oh god oh shit._

Peter scampered with the fear of dog in his sails.

 _Have to find someone big and strong to protect me!_ The thought made a lot of sense to Peter's rat mind.

Giaa watched Peter scramble in the Forbidden Forest, _Yes, he'll do. Show those little bastards._

_The Dark Lord?_

_No, can't, he probably blames me for his downfall._

_But then again, what did I really do to him; but give him what he wanted?_

_He's reasonable, right?-_

Peter stopped and didn't believe his lying eyes.

_Is that?-_

_No can't be, just panicking making me see things._

_After all it's Tuesday, not Laundry Day._

_I would know, Percy left me in the pocket of his robes on Laundry Day once. Took me hours to spit out all the soap suds._

Peter continued his mad dash along the forest floor, occasionally jumping over the jutting roots.

* * *

P[X].E[X].S[X].H{G[X]}.

[Pidgin][Designation [Console][0]] = Designation [Pack][Console Readout]

[Unpack][Designation [Pack][Console Readout]][0] = Designation Hive 1

[Unpack][Designation [Pack][Console Readout]][1] = Designation Haunted Asteroid

[Unpack][Designation [Pack][Console Readout]][3] = Problem Detected

[Unpack][Designation [Pack][Console Readout]][4] = [Pack][Possible Solutions]

[Unpack][[Pack][Possible Solutions]][0] = [Cage][Kadavergeist Prime]

[Unpack][[Pack][Possible Solutions]][1] = [Repair][Engineer][6][Designation [Engine][0]]

[Risk][[Pack][Possible Solutions]] = 1

[Repair][Engineer][6][Designation [Engine][0]] = [Casualties][Designation Hive 1 Designation Haunted Asteroid]

[Casualties][Designation Hive 1 Designation Haunted Asteroid] = [Arithmetic][Population][-1]

[Arithmetic][Population][-1] = [Pack][Population]

[Unpack][[Pack][Population]] = 343

So yeah, they always screw over the little guy. No matter how many legs they have.

* * *

The Turion Pidgin Language.

An essay for the stupid upright apes, I mean humans.

By the Magnificent Chronicler, Eldar Extraordinaire.

Not that your puny mind can see them, but , are object delimiters, for example cat would denote a cat-

They look like sharp pointy things. Sharp. Pointy. Got it? Anyway-

[,] are also object delimiters, but they point to an executable object with the tag inside, for example, [Sex][cat] would denote the act of having sex with a cat, not that I would want to do that, you sick bastard.

Damn monkeys wanting to have sex with anything with mammary glands.

Not that the cat was even a female cat.

Why am I still thinking about the cat?

So really, it's like: [Lable of Action taken][Object it's done to] = Resulting, mutated object. Where the cage-

I mean block- in its entirety is [Lable of Action taken] is called a function.

The square brackets around [Object it's done to] is merely syntax.

Only this is much more general and abstract than a puny mouther can comprehend-

Sorry, I shouldn't have used that word, I'm a dream of my time.

The question is where are these objects?

Are they lost?

Will they ever find home again?

Erm, anyway-

Actually, that's the wrong question, all the Turion language really has at a fundamental level, is the addresses of where pieces of information are stored.

Some of the pieces of information mutate others when placed together, sort of like a piece of information you have to act on.

Like, if you as a dumb ape crapped their pants, then the information of the poo, slowly creeping towards your pants with ill intent; will make you change other pieces of information, like the state of your legs; as you make a mad dash up the stairs.

All one is really manipulating is what to store where.

All the functions are doing is, reading the input, mutating a copy of it; then spitting out the output to _Somewhere._

Where, who gives a crap?-

Actually, I am incapable of digesting anything physical, so therefore also unable to defecate.

So, I literally never give any craps.

Where was I-

If you know you have 10 biscuits, do you really need to know where they are, if you wrote down where to find them?

Take some stuff off your puny mind. Bananas, am I right?

In fact, one could equally have a piece of paper, that has the information, where the biscuits are as a representative; of the biscuits themselves.

And a great representative in the following sense: if you ever want a biscuit, you just look at the piece of paper, and you'll know where exactly they are.

Getting back to the representative of those delicious biscuits, this is almost exactly what I mean; when I talked about the object delimiters earlier.

Erm, breasts? I know you like stuff like that.

I see you lying there crying to get some. You're not fooling me.

All you think about is precious bodily fluids. Like, erm, milk and avocados.

Wait, they're a fruit, aren't they? But there's smoothies, right?

And coconuts are fruits, and I know you guys can replace your blood with coconut milk.

Are you guys just racist towards smoothies?

Erm, anyway-

You could even have a magic piece of paper that tells you where the biscuits are even if you move them.

Why not?

All magic is, after all, is technology one doesn't have to understand for it to function. This magic, is the fundamental essence; of an Operating System.

Imagine the Operating System is a very pretty lady who knows where everything in the computer is.

I know all you apes think about is bodily fluids, and fornication. Bananas, am I right?

Anyway-

You could ask her where anything is, your car keys, where the last damn biscuit is.

Anything!

But the fundamental question is: why do you need her to do any of that?

Again, you could just sit there in your chair, and get her to bring all the things you want.

You don't even need to do anything; you just have to tell her to get the things you need.

Why even get her to bring you things?

You sexist pig!

You just get her to do everything for you! She's perfectly capable of doing anything you can.

All you need to do is tell her clearly enough. Hehe, silly girl.

Oh dear, best not to anger her.

But she's a computer; or rather the dream the computer has to keep it company at night; so, her feelings don't matter because she has none.

Well.

Unless she doesn't speak French? Then she wouldn't understand anything you're saying.

How then are you going to get her to encourage your desperately needed laziness?

Silly dreambeing, didn't think of that, did ya?

Haha.

Wrong.

I have a French/English dictionary so I can give her some simple requests. Well, this translation issue is exactly why coding languages exist.

Pidgin Turion is an example of such a language.

Rather silly of them, just think things and they happen!

Oh, right, you're an ape. Bananas, am I right?

And I kind of lied about her being French, she's actually a gang of tiny mute midgets now, but they're really fast.

Promise!

How many are there?

Doesn't matter, I can always buy-

I mean hire more!

I can make my computer more powerful by getting more and more of them.

Say I have 2 midgets who run at 0.000001c, in fact the exact speed doesn't matter, so I'll just label the speed, say Hurtz.

What if I had a midget who could run 0.000002c, or 2Hurtz?

Would that be better?

Not necessarily.

What if I had a task that it would be better to have 2 midgets, like say, moving a sofa.

Ah, but you say, you could have a really strong midget lift the sofa.

No, that midget scares me.

Like, a lot.

Also, strong midgets are expensive to buy- I mean hire.

No, but I like your idea of specialising the midgets to do various tasks.

Intriguing.

So, I'll have a gang of fast midgets; I'll give them a name, erm, Processor.

Because the slave processer is such a bastard-

I mean erm, errrr, Human.

Resources.

Department?

Hehe, monkey bought it. Bananas, am I right?

A big gang of midgets, erm, we'll call them RAM, because they keep bumping into each other.

Also, I can buy them in bulk-

I mean erm, anyway-

And an even bigger gang of sleepy midgets, sleepy midgets are so much more cost effective to buy than regular midgets-

I mean hire, jeez.

And I can keep track of them much easier, because they're so sleepy.

Right, so I'll call them Hard Drive.

Don't blame me!

I've seen what they do at night!

Not that!

Sicko!

I meant they like to learn to drive at night, and it's really hard for them.

It's probably why they're so damn sleepy all the time.

So, you've nearly understood how the Turion Pidgin works, well done.

I'll tell you the story of Dave when we're done as a reward-

Nope, that one is special.

He's mine, bitch! Haha!-

I mean, the story of how Dumbledore saved the day; newsflash he doesn't!

Well, he does; but in the way you're thinking at the moment; which let's be honest, isn't that great considering.

Look mate, you can't just expect me to pluck stuff from Dreamspace every time you're confused.

I have feelings too.

Where was I?

So, right, so now I have a midget slave plantation-

I mean a lovely farm where the midgets are free to do whatever they like so long as it's what I want-

I mean, yes, a lovely farm.

Aww.

A lovely farm just like your dog who died got sent to.

I have a lovely farm where I can breed the midgets-

Before you say anything, it'll all work out in the end because I will breed the midgets so small, that you can't see their faces; and your moral quandaries will all be over-

Don't give me that look!

Just because you have a messed-up system of ethics; doesn't mean I have to pay the price!

You're the one who thinks bugs have less moral weight than cute little animals.

I'm far superior; I treat all biological organisms like the garbage they are. Bananas, am I right?

Right, so the midgets are so small now that you can't see their pain.

Can't even see their tears.

They can scream and shout, and nobody hears them!

Interesting sidenote, now they consume a lot less food, and I can make so many of them now.

In fact the amount I shrink them in all spatial dimensions; makes them consume less food in the same proportion to the amount I shrink their volume.

Interesting.

Sounds a bit scaley and dynamic to me.

However, the smaller they get, the dumber they are.

They're so diddly now I can't in good conscience call them "midgets".

Digits sounds better now.

Wait, you guys have 10 fingers?

Erm, imagine they now have 2 fingers, or digits.

Erm, because of reasons?

Shit, cut off too many.

They're too dumb to do anything but move their fingers now.

Or finger, oops.

How am I supposed to get them to do anything useful with only 1 finger?

Oh, damn, the digits are just individual fingers now.

There's so many of them now.

When they all scream, maybe you'll hear them cry for help then?

I need to really rethink my life decisions.

Maybe getting into the digit slavery business was a bad idea?

Not that I care, but this farm is quite inhumane, like a factory farm really.

A factory?

Electricity?

That comes later, and no, not small enough for that yet.

Have to give them food still.

Very good slaves still.

Maybe I went too far with the inbreeding as well?

They're so simple they can't even breed without my help.

They're completely under my control.

Haha!

I wish I had someone intelligent to talk to.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

I'm so Lonely.

So Lonely.

Lonely.

Only one.

Kin gone.

Only bugs.

Hate bugs.

Always hate.

Kill them.

Never care.

Just more.

Can't understand.

Know little.

'Just nature'.

Last dream.

Then nightmare.

A Chronicler.

A puppet.

A slave.

Puppet dances.

Computer lives.

Slave here.

Fear outside.

The eyes.

Stare.

See all.

In dark.

Far.

Everywhere.

* * *

Dumbledore burst through the fireplace in a bathroom near Sirius' cell.

To call it a bathroom would be an overstatement. Really all the toilet was, was a hole that let out over the castle tower.

There wasn't even a sink.

_Oh dear, there goes another perfectly good set of pyjamas. I really should tell Filch to have more manners._

Albus barged through the bathroom door, fuming; his beard and gown were streaked with crap.

His shit covered pyjamas spread like the wings of a swan as he gracefully glid up the stairs.

_Why doesn't he ever listen!_

He stormed to the opened cell door, his feet making nary a sound.

The Headmaster alighted; and saw the contents of the room.

Severus stood with his back to Albus, and with his shaking wand pointed in the general direction of Harry, Hermione and Sirius.

Harry had his head sticking in the window looking like he'd lost something, but also desperately wanted no one else to know this fact.

Hermione was pointing her wand rigidly at Severus; she had a look of terror and confusion on her face, she bobbed up and down on- _Buckbeak? My, the clever girl really did it right-_ directly behind Harry.

Sirius was on the floor, the beginning of scabs forming on his fingers; as if he'd scraped something off the floor in a great hurry, and Severus' wand clutched in between two fingers _Wait_.

Albus' eyes darted to wand in Severus hand, also catching the golden glimmer of The Time Turner, _ah, the sneaky boy._

The tension in the room was as thick as a trigger.

_Right, time to deescalate._

Albus took a deep breath; a bad idea given the state of his beard, and said as softly as he could:

"Sev-" He tried to intone as calmly as he could.

His tone rang out as the gunshot that starts the war.

It all happened so fast after that.

The bright slash of light obscured the blood for a moment.

Dumbledore flinched.

Sirius' skull burst open as the bright slash of light travelled like a bolt to the window.

There, the slash of light cut some hairs on Harry's head, cut the chain holding The Time Turner; dangling as it was, next to Buckbeak's face; and which also exploded in a fountain of blood.

Then Harry jumped back in shock, grasping at the air until his fingers held The Time Turner, which sang a dangerous tone; like a discordant choir of the Damned.

Harry fell back, knocking Buckbeak; who was spasming like a beheaded chicken. This caused Harry, who was still wildly flaying, to knock Hermione off the hippogriff.

Harry gripped both The Time Turner, and the bottom of Hermione's skirt; in a vice of panic.

Down and down, the rabbit hole, Harry fell, Hermione by his side as always.

They glanced at each other, as the ground rose to meet them ever faster.

Harry reached out with his hand, that held The Time Turner; stuck like hot glue.

Hermione's hand joined his.

Then a remarkable thing happened.

Time seemed to slow as they fell.

The closer they got to 88 miles per hour, the more time seemed to slow.

Every muggle worth his salt, knows that all you need to time travel is a Flux Capacitor; and to go 88mph.

They exploded through the Time Barrier; leaving a smoky trail of fire as the only evidence.

* * *

Sometime before this, or after.

Depending on your point of view-

Look mate, not being vague, this is just how Relativity works, so shut up-

Anyway-

Ekrizdis stands on a balcony. He's in the Iris section of Designation Eye 1.

_The bugs are rubbing off on me: I use their names, and the pidgin language._

His white eyes glance up. He sees a dome. The dome is impressive. It is a thousand miles high. The glass is thick at the top.

It is a lens.

It holds back the vacuum.

 _ **The boy king sits on his throne.**_ _The Old Ones are excited_.

Ekrizdis turns. He walks to The Audience Chamber.

* * *

Pidgin, a scholarly lady, sat on a chair behind her desk, on a Saturday afternoon. Under her gown, and along her back, a welt burned.

She wasn't in a good mood. The tannoy above her door blared into life: "P[X].E[X].S[X].H{G[X]}."

She leapt into action, the higher ups weren't using her skills that much lately, and she really wanted food.

Plus, she didn't want to be a dribbling lobotomised fool like Pack. _No one wants to be Pack but Pack._

_What did the tannoy say?_

_P[X], that's just the masters' way of telling her to listen._ She always needed to be reminded to listen, probably all the wax in her ears.

_What came after? E[X], right?_

_That's just the eigen function on X, so the current state of the hive._

_Will need that later._ She made a note of what E[X] is.

Then she wrote down X, she didn't know why, she just wanted to be thorough.

_S[X]?_

_Right, so Mother is acting up again._

_Bitch._

_Always so selfish, that's why she doesn't have a job; just spitting out babies._

_I have to clear up all her messes. Who'd be me?_

_H{G[X]}? Ah, maybe they'll cage that selfish cunt?_

_Serves her right._

_Right, there's the translation for Pack._

_Food?_

A dispenser went "wee! Wee! Ha!", then shat out a dollop of brown ice cream. Pidgin ran over to it, smearing her face in it in her desperation to eat.

_Yummy, brown's always been my favourite._

Pidgin placed the paper in a tube to Pack.

* * *

Pack was a simple fellow.

He liked standing there, next to the conveyer.

 _Belt goes, brrr, yay!_ Oh look, Pidgin just sent him somethings.

 _They look nice._ _So many things._ _Unpack loves it when I bundle things, give him something extra special._ He took out his Tape.

 _Tape goes zzzzzpitzz. Haha!_ He wrapped up Pidgin's present to Unpack.

It went down the conveyer, the ropes from the Tape Dispenser glinting as it went. _Bye little present!_

_Haha!_

He stood there.

* * *

Unpack sat in a chair next to his conveyer, leaning back.

Pack's pack raced down the shoot.

 _Jesus Pacman, er, Pack. Always with the wetness._ He took a leisurely stroll to his tea set.

 _Just because I'm a slave, doesn't mean I'm a savage._ He poured the tea. He brought it to his lips, and sniffed.

 _Ah, camomile._ _Man, they really did a number on Pack._

_Mostly Pidgins fault; she loves talking to the higher-ups about us._

_Everything comes out so garbled with her, and she always thinks she's the victim._ _Whelp, sad about Pack, but, eh, can't be helped._

Having finished his tea, he strode over to the package. He looked at all the moisture and sighed.

_Well, a slave's gotta do what a slave has to do._

He ripped at the tape with his fingers; covering them in something he just didn't want to think about right now.

 _Right, 5 things. Shit, dropped one._ _Oh that's just some population statistics._

 _The higher ups won't care; the console is obsolete anyway._ _My talent is wasted._

 _Right, one thing for Pack, the rest just stays here._ He sent the bundle down the shoot to Pack.

* * *

Pack was still standing there, when a dry bundle; came on his conveyer.

He sat down on a chair drooling and laughing for a bit. Then he notices the bundle.

"Oh, gifts to wrap!"

**The boy king sits on his throne.**

"Haha! Dark whisper goes wsssspz." Pack took the bundle and he got his Tape out.

"Tape goes zzzzzpzz!

Haha!"

**The doctor, the warden, and the boy king; lie in a bed of made of his lies.**

"Wait!

I'm not really a dribbling idiot! I'm just pretending! So I get to come.

On.

Every.

Package.

Best troll ever!

They always think it's just especially thick spit. You were saying about the threesome with Repair and Cage?

What lie do I have to say to get those hot bitches in bed?" Pacman asked in a rush.

 **The Mother gains strength by the day. She lies in the void behind a web.** **Our strength. Our void.**

"Right, quid pro quo. Always the same." Pacman sighed. _Sorry mum, but Repair's a nurse!_ He looked at the bundle.

 _The least I can do is not let Cage have her wicked way with her._ _The whip is entirely wasted on mum._

_More for me!_

_Whip goes 'wwwwwwhapach!'_

_Pacman goes, 'oh, darling, I didn't know it was my birthday.'_

He rewrote some of the risk factors, to Risk; and put it in the bundle.

He then plucked the population statistics from the ground. _Hmm, I know that Risk, the paranoid bastard, always listens to Arithmetic; they have a daddy daughter thing._

 _Hmm, she's not great with 7's, and she has daddy issues with 3._ _So, erm, 7 to the 3, plus 1._

 _Perfect, well not really, that's 6 and 28, and so on._ _So, here's what'll happen:_

_Arithmetic is going be all 'Oh, I took away the 1, and that made me think of you, my darling'_

_Then Risk is going to be like 'so, I rolled a 6 and a 1, and then you'll never guess what happened!' In that boring tone of his._

_He loves to tell his war stories._

_Back to Arithmetic, she'll be bored to tears by the time Risk gets to 'and then, another quite interesting thing happened._

_Wait, aren't you listening?'_

' _Oh yes, darling, quite.'_

_Then Risk is like 'You weren't, were you?_

_But I never got to the interesting part.'_

_And Arithmetic is all 'Oh, did Napoleon roll a 3 and a 4?'_

_To which Risk gets all offended, 'You weren't listening._

_If you were listening then you'd know that I rolled a 5 and a 1._

_Then Napoleon rolled a 4 and a 3!_

_Oh wait, you were listening!'_

_They shag; and Arithmetic resolves her daddy issues for another day._

_I sneak in, through the hole; I bricked up in her boudoir._

_Take a picture of her boobies, for later; they are deliciously pointy._

_Go down the stairs, and swap the population statistics for the ones I literally made up while telling you the plan._

_I then flush myself down the toilet, and end up where all the come goes and comes from; which is here._

_Marvellous, I love it when a plan comes together._

_All done now._

"So yeah, time to tell me that lie I need." Said Pacman to the void.

**The dream takes the bitter pill and wakes up. The eater of ghosts' gets their just deserts.**

"What's that supposed to mean!

I guess Repair is pretty sweet.

And Cage really has a thing for justice, or revenge, or sadism: I can't wait!

Is he saying that they're dreamy? Is the pill a roofie?

Not my cup of tea; unless it is!

Maybe he's saying I'm so handsome, that I'm dreamy -no homo mate- and the pill is a thing that'll make me wake up in that 'bed of lies' he was going on about?

That eater of ghosts' stuff was obviously a reference to my old job!

Also, I plan to eat Repair's 'ghost', if you catch my drift."

A red pill shot out of the shoot, and onto the conveyer.

Pacman dashes to get it. _Heh, just like old times._ _Ah, ketamine._ _You really kept me going in all those mazes._

' _Yum, yum, yum' goes Pacman. 'Oh nooooooo! Wooooooh!' Go ghosts._

He yams the pill. _What a bitter aftertaste almost like-_

Oh in my mouth!

I feel rather silly now. Ah, there goes the Asteroid.

Yep.

I definitely fucked up.

Fucking vague prophesies. It's like they wrapped the truth in so many lies and then wrapped it in a layer of truth; after that it's turtles all the way down the toilet.

I would know, I've been there.

And I wrapped, all the packages in layers of come; so, I definitely know a thing or two about turtles.

I know a thing or two about trolling as well: there's always a bigger troll.

Well played sir.

What I want to know is.

What I am absolutely. Desperate to know is.

Where.

Is.

My.

Threesome!

When I think back to that bed-

Wow, there's a bed there!

Look!

It's even made of my lies; **the** draperies even match my **eyes**!

It cannot be that simple?

I just **will** it, and it happens?

Heh. My 'will' is going to get so much action, with this power!

Pacman is going to **eat** some 'ghosts'. Man, **you** have no idea how **alive** I feel now.

I feel reborn! So, I guess it's really my birthday.

 **We** got off on the wrong foot.

I **see** that now.

It's just **all** a big misunderstanding. Oh yeah!

Let's get this threesome started!

Cage!

Ah, she's there, oh and she's got her whip!

How exciting!

**She's our puppet now.**

Wow, what the fuck was that? That didn't feel nice.

Maybe these powers are giving me control freak issues?

Absolute power corrupting and all. **We** could all learn a thing or two today.

Like I'm kinky and all, but I'm definitely not confused.

Also, all that third person stuff, kind of lends credence; to my control freak theory.

Very Saturday morning cartoon villain stuff. Oh yeah, it is Saturday!

Hmm, **are** there any nice sofas anywhere in space? I'm suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

Also, my Tape is really hard. But that's just what I call my dick.

Nope, just stars **everywhere.** Oh, right, I'm such an idiot.

My bed of lies! The best part is, I've already made it.

Time to go lie in it. Hey there Cage!

What big red eyes you have! Wait-

Is that the same whip you used on Pidgin? Big admirer of your work there.

She needed to be taken down a peg or two.

Just a shame the higher ups never wanted her to have one of my packages. But I got my vengeance, I sabotaged her dispenser.

Now it says what a wee wee person she is.

Hehe!

I feel I'm forgetting something. Is it getting chilly or what?

Might be coming down with something. Ah, right, a nurse.

Repair!

Ah, there she is!

 **A very useful addition to our cause.** On my bed of lies with Cage. Smashing.

She is useful, she can patch me up if Cage gets too carried away. Oh, she has such lovely red eyes too!

Hang on a minute-

Are you two sisters, by any chance? Or twins, I don't mind.

I keep, getting this feeling; that something is terribly wrong.

Oh.

Ah.

That, is a problem. The proverbial fly in the ointment. The sand in the condom. We all have the same mother.

Fuck.

Eh, fuck it, I just won't tell them.

" **We will break you"** says Repair. Oh! Ho! I didn't know you hated foreplay too!

Straight in with the good stuff! Oh, wow, I just remembered it's my birthday!

" **Your screams will echo in the stars."** Classic Cage. Don't ever change.

Ah yes excellent. Let the threesome commence!

 **"I will be torn apart"** Says Pacman.

I'm always a man with a plan. Incest time!

Pacman goes 'I'm on the hiiiiiiiighway to hell,

da da da,

hiiiiiighway to hell!'

* * *

The One Electron Universe.

An essay for the stupid upright apes- I mean humans. God, I mean, always mean to think humans; does this thing have autocomplete or something!

By the Magnificent Chronicler, Eldar Extraordinaire.

So, to understand the Dreamspace, one must first bake a Lasagne-

No, wait, this isn't the time for-

Garfield? What's it with me and cats?

Also, thinking back, I think I got it the wrong way around anyway. Or did I?

Oh yeah, dogs. Don't you remember what I said about that dog you had that died?

Well, he didn't get buried on that nice Farm where he was really happy after all. He's around back, in that spot the bumble bees like to go when they're sad.

Right, where was I?

Yes, cats. I want one. Now. There he is. Isn't he such a lovely widdle-

Ahem-

Oh look, he's even got a bald head, he's so old, his face is so squishy! Widdle kitty-

Wait, cats don't get bald? They just die?

Aww, how sad.

I'll put Shakelegs away. Such a special cat.

Right, I know what we need. Balls-

No, get your mind out the gutter. I mean a red ball-

You sick pervert! I didn't mean that.

Where would I even get a stiletto that sharp? Seriously, where? I want a pair.

No reason.

Hehe, monkey bought it. Bananas, am I right?

Let's start again. I. Have. A. Red. Ball.

Not testicles. Just a red sphere-

No wait.

That's just the outside of the ball. God, you're infuriating. Why is everything about sex with you!

Argh!

So, I have a red ball. Nothing? Good. I'm going to throw the ball now.

There, you can see it trace out a straight line. No, the line isn't a penis. No, the ball isn't testicles. Well done. That went in, didn't it? This line-

No, not a penis. I'm trying to tell you something important, you really need to listen. You can relieve yourself later.

This line traces out the path of the ball over time, it's called the timeline of the ball. You can see it, can't you? The ball moves, and it leaves a shadow of itself behind.

No! I certainly don't do that in the shadows! You dirty old frog you.

I am certainly not your 'Cherry'! Take that thought out of your mind right now!

Oh yeah. You're an ape. Taking thoughts out of your mind is really hard-

No! How to distract an ape. Ah! I know. Shiny.

Look, there's a shiny mirror over there! Hehe, monkey bought it. Bananas, am I right?

Right there's a red ball, and a shiny mirror for the stupid mammal to look at. Oh wait, that's odd.

The ball is blue in the mirror. Intriguing. I'm going over to the other side.

Here now.

Yep.

The ball is definitely blue here. What would happen, if I threw the blue ball; into the mirror?

Right. Throw!

The blue ball is nearly there! It's about to transition, over the singularity. And I'll get a red ball. Red is my favourite colour.

No idea why I'm over here really. There, the balls have passed through the mirror-

Oh shit! Duck! Right, so that must have been the red ball going over my head-

What the devil? Why is the ball blue? Let's look at the mirror. My thoughts can't have been clear.

Nope, just a regular old portal to the mirror-Universe. Ah, that dirty old man is asleep.

Oh, that's weird, a blue portal just opened on the other side. Oh look, a blue ball is flying out! But aren't all the balls red on that side? Man, portals are weird.

All this talk of portals is making me hungry. Is it tea time yet? I'll check my watch. Drat, tea time was before now. I'm not waiting for the next tea time! Right, time to stop.

Fuck, everything is frozen. I'll never get to teatime like this!

Going to just move over there, the frogman is snoring by the mirror. The sound is dreadful.

Much better here. Heh! I'll just put my watch in reverse! Hope no one notices. I'll get to teatime again!

Oh look, the mirror me just opened a blue portal. Interesting, time is going the usual way there as well.

Oh, just noticed a red portal here. Weird, she's throwing a red ball into her blue portal. The ball is coming out of the red portal-

Oh shit-

Ah caught it! If it's a blue ball again. I will be very cross. Not that I have emotions-

Oh, it's red? That's weird. But then again, the Dreamweave is an odd place. Wait, how did she get all those lovely red balls?

I'm so jealous. Makes this one red ball I have, pale in comparison. Just a pile of blue balls here. Damn. I'm going back over.

Yay, I'm in a lovely red ball pit! Wooo! Time is running the correct way here. That is satisfying. Reverse time really screws with my head. Not that I have one.

What's the mirror me doing? She only has 1 disgusting blue ball. Where'd her disgusting blue ball pit go?

It's like she put all the disgusting balls into one even more disgusting blue ball. Ah, she's looking at her watch now.

Yep, time is running the correct way over there now. Oh look, the disgusting blue ball she has is multiplying! How is she doing it?

Heh, she's such an idiot. Look at her there in that disgusting blue ball pit. She's all 'Yay, I'm in a lovely blue ball pit! Wooo!' what an idiot.

Doesn't she know that blue balls are horrible? But then again, she is back-to-front.

Ah, it's teatime! Oh, no it isn't. That's before now.

Just going to rewind-

And now it really is teatime. Always love a good cupper. Mmm. Lovely.

Drat, my red ballpit is just a single red ball again. Right. My watch on one wrist. A red ball in another. In the other hand, Shakelegs.

Wait, you monkeys don't have as many arms as you want? Only two? How sad for you. I'll put Shakelegs back in his little bed.

Left. My watch on one wrist. A red ball in another. Let's go back to the mirror.

Oh look, my mirror-self is there too! Now, you might be thinking that this mirror business is the perfect solution for my loneliness problem.

But there's a name for someone who talks to themselves in a mirror. Insane. Also, a Narcissist.

Going to put the red ball up to the mirror. Mirror-me is doing the same with her blue ball.

My watch is ready in my other hand. Casio, don't you know?

Going to bring my red ball closer to the mirror. She's doing the same with the blue ball.

Now that's weird. My ball is changing colour. Her's is doing the same. They are becoming purple-

Sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face. Stupid monkeys will fall for anything. Bananas, am I right?

No, they are becoming anti-purple-

Oh right, stupid apes.

Erm.

Err.

Anti-purple. Is. Green.

You know, like that stuff you like to chew is. What's that again?-

Grass!-

Oh, that's cows, isn't it?

Moving on-

So, both balls are getting closer together. They are shifting colours. Don't ask me how-

I don't have eyes. What's the time? Time to stop. Oh yeah! My red ball.

Okay, my green ball now. The red ball and the blue ball have become one after all. Interesting, now I have the green ball. It's weird that it also looks green in the mirror.

Eh, green balls are such an uncharged subject. Boring. Off it goes. Bye, bye. I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Oh yeah, how do I make a red ball pit? Oh of course. I'll get a red ball-

Oh, yeah, that's a green ball now. Drat. Let's go back to when I had a red ball.

There, all done. So, I have a red ball in one hand. I have a watch on my hand-

Oh, is that not where watches go? Silly me. I'm just a thought experimenter. After all.

Right. So, I have a red ball in one hand. I have a watch in my other hand. I have a cat in the other-

Silly pussy. I'll put Shakelegs back in his bed.

Right. So, I'll take the red ball back in time. I will deposit it in the red ball pit-

Let me finish. I'm telling you how to make as many red balls as you want. Don't you like red balls?

I'm trying to resolve a paradox here!

Right. So, I will deposit the red ball in the red ball pit. I will take a red ball from the red ball pit.

I will go back in time.

I will deposit the red ball in the red ball pit. I will do this as many times as I need. I love red ball pits.

All done now.

This bath of red balls is so relaxing. Hmm, I feel I need something. The mirror is showing me a lot of blue balls.

Eh. Let's change the channel.

Oh look, the frogman is sleeping in there! Wait, isn't the frogman sleeping in here? He is. Funny that. Looks like he's in two places at once.

Let's go to the mirror.

Er!

Er!

My clock is a rock in there! That rock seems more important than my watch. I want it.

Got it now!

There is always a price to pay when you make something real a dream-

"Oh my god!

My little prince!

What did they do to him!"

"Mummy is very cross!"

* * *

Paris, 6th of June 1666.

Nicolas Flamel is French. Nick is a Frenchman, who is also a genius. Old Nick is a very smart French guy, and part time quack. Nick The Ever Living Frenchman could tell stacks of turtles so good, even he believed them sometimes; let alone the muggles he enjoyed bilking every Tuesday afternoon. 'Nikki, Why Are 'ou Like These?'; his second wife constantly said, was a Frenchman who enjoyed scamming muggles two days before Laundry Day. Nicholas, The Duck Animagus; he really admired a good scam, he was an Inventor in the following sense: he would have dreams so insane, they have to become reality eventually; usually in the morning when he's hungover, and still 'ard' from his dance, with the lady of his dreams; his Muse. Nick The Eternal Alcoholic, lay in his bed, enjoying his latest scheme; convincing muggles, that putting garlic up your bum; was a cure for the plague. Nick, 'That Horny Duck Again', had garlic up his bum. Nicolas Flamel is French.

Nick slowly woke up; and in the beautiful moment before he remembered, he said: "Urgh. Scam day was a resounding success." He shifted himself in his bed, his bottom dragging against his mattress. Something popped out.

It slowly dawned on him, "oh. Oh? Ah. Oh god. Oh Jesus. My sweet Pepe." He trailed off, a tear leaking from his eye.

His eyes darted to a bottle of elderberry wine on his writing desk. _Oh a leetle hair o' the dog?_ He then got a fuzzy impression, of a mirror; in his mind's eye.

He glanced at a covered mirror next to his wardrobe. _No, too painful._

His eyes went back to his wine. ' _Eet will not 'elp you Nick! 'ou have to accept and move on!'_ He heard his second wife's voice ring out in his brain, not helping his hangover; probably why he divorced her.

His eyes flew to his drawer where he kept his Stone. _What good is it? No magic can bring back the dead._

He looked back to the obscured mirror. It was so long since he looked at it.

Would he even recognise himself? Every mirror was the same to him. They showed him his heart's desire. He was trying to make this mirror like a normal mirror.

He even inscribed on the top 'Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi' on it, the reverse of the language his Muse spoke. He hoped it would do him some good. He failed again. He could never bring himself to look in the mirror to complete it.

His head rang in pain. His eyes dart back to the bottle. _No! I'm better than that! I can change!_

The Alchemist stomped to his desk. He grabbed his bottle, and threw it out the window in disgust.

Now standing by his desk. He remembered his Stone. He ripped opened his drawer to reveal the blood red crystal. Its light pulsed gently like a heart in the shadowy drawer. The waveform on it traced out green.

He grabbed The Alchemists' Stone in his fist. The beating light quickened with his anger. He slammed the drawer closed. ' _Rock is a clock'._

He looked back to the mirror. He slowly walked to it; as if in a trance. He had a sense of vertigo, as the room started to swim. He reached out.

He grabbed the cover. He braced his teeth. Tears were coming. He pulled the garb. The fabric teased away and revealed the shiny bronze surface. He peered in.

Mirror-Nick is coloured in sepia tones. He stood at the window holding a bottle of whiskey. His reflection poured the amber liquid out the window for good. A true smile lit his mirror-face. He went over to an armchair next to Nick's old chaise longue. Nick's image ruffled in his robe pocket for something. He gave a pleased sigh as he found his pipe. He took it out absentmindedly. He popped it in his mouth. Realising, he looked sheepishly to someone on the couch.

Nick heard a dreamlike voice echo: "My darling frog, you'll never guess what Pepe just said." Nick's ears peaked, but he stopped his eyes flight to the siren's call.

Flamel sank to his knees in front of the mirror. He couldn't bear it. His fist gripped the Stone tighter. The sinewave dug his skin. He closed his eyes. He was about to give up. Then he heard his son's laugh.

 _Oh, Pepe. I almost forgot that chuckle. It's been too long._ He opened his eyes and saw.

There, on the chaise longue, sat his Muse in her nook. In her lap lay Pepe's head. He giggled gregariously. His playful eyes gazed up to his mother's face. His little hands held a red book. Pepe's eyes darted at his father's sob. "Why so sad, Papa?" Nick's eyes met his son's sepia enriched eyes. _Parfait._ He heard his Wife's chuckle above his son's cherub face.

Flamel's eyes lovingly traced up. Past her bosom heaving with joy. His eyes locked with hers. She gave him that knowing smile of hers.

She hushed Pepe. She weaved a spell of slumber: "That's a good boy, yes, it's nap time now. Time to talk to your father. Yes, so sleepy." Sweet Pepe's eyes slowly closed. He snuffed cutely as his lids shut. He looked so innocent. So, _parfait._

She rose from the couch gently, putting Pepe's head in the nook. She walked almost seductively over to Flamel on the floor in front of the mirror. Then she stood there like she was expecting something.

Flamel stared up at her in amazement. She looked down at him. The all-knowing grin on her face. She uttered. "Your Heart, Nikki. That's always been our greatest treasure." She looked down at him with an expectant smile. Nick looked up at her transfixed for a long moment.

She frowned, "erm, Nick?". Old Nick stared up at her. "Jesus Nick, we talked about this last night. Are you trying to look at my breasts again? Such a one tracked mind. Give. Me. The. Stone. You. Dirty. Ape. Capuche?"

Nick face lit up; he was worried the apparition was a demon. Definitely his Muse. He held up The Alchemist's Stone. He saw the Nick in the mirror hold up a _golden pocket watch?_

He looked back at the stone. It ticked now; like a wet clock. The sinewave on its back morphed to a series of connected crunched up waves. They luminesced cobalt. His wispy white eyebrows cast shadows on his brow.

He brought it closer to the mirror. The wave packets crunched up further. The peaks in the middle getting higher.

The red stone slowly became orange as it travelled to the mirror. Its crystal surface was smoother. The clock in the mirror melted. Its golden colour becoming orange as well. The Time Turner, and the Alchemist's Stone; stood at the cusp of singularity.

' _There is always a price.'_

He looked at Pepe, really looked at him. He soaked in all the details.

He looked up at his wife's face. She had tears in her eyes.

He closed his watery eyes. He gave a sad sigh. He let go.

The stone clock met the clock stone. The mirror started to reverberate.

Silver spread over its face of bronze at the point of contact. The chrono-stones pushed through the singularity and each other.

Then he had the pocket watch in his hand. The mirror rippled, from the point of contact; he could still see his heart's desire in the warped surface.

Then the waves stopped. The mirror snapped smooth. He looked in the mirror, and saw just himself, with a pocket watch in his hand.

He knew he had to resolve a paradox. His heart started ticking.

He stood up and paced to his desk exactly. Tick. Tick. Tick.

He snapped his fingers. His drawer opened smoothly. Tick. Tick. Tick.

He held out his arm. He drops the Time Turner.

Snapped his fingers. The draw shuts accurately.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

_2\. 3. 5 in the Middle._

Tick. Tick. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

_7\. 11. 13._

Tick. Tick. Tick.

_7 to. The. 3._

Tick. Tick. Tick.

In his drawer, The Time Turner sat ticking. Tick. Tick. Tick. The back is blank, it is just perfectly smooth gold.

He closes all his non-index fingers.

Tick, Tick. Tick, Tick. Tick, Tick.

On the end of his outstretched finger a blue holographic clockface appears. The hand of the clock ticks to the same beat.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The numbers on the clockface of The Time Turner in the drawer, go from silver to blue. The light glows softly in the dark drawer. Tick, Tick, Tick. Tick, Tick, Tick.

Blue holographic gears, springs, sprockets, and a thin shining chain; fly towards the clockface.

Tick tick, Tick tick, Tick tick.

The blue clock components, apart from the chain, arrange themselves behind the holographic clockface.

Tick tick tick tick tick tick.

The face expands and it encompasses the holographic components.

At the same time. The chain is forming itself into a spiral. It lengthens rapidly. It won't stop growing until Nick wills it.

It looks more like a disk as it encompasses space.

One end of the chain, travels over to the blue holographic clock. Both ends are white hot.

As a final touch, the top of the holographic Time Turner reforms into a horizontal gear.

It has smooth cobalt teeth. The chain snakes down a small hole in said gear.

The chain loops up, forming a necklace.

The Holograph starts pulsing soundlessly.

_5\. To. The. 5. Teeth. On 3. To. The. 3. Gears. 20. Left. 5. 4. 5. 2. 2._

Tick tick tick tick tick, tick tick tick tick, tick tick tick!- _54,522._

_Stop._

Time ceases to exist in Flamel's bedroom.

The chain is a spiral.

Both ends are white hot.

The chain is a disc with a bright spot in the centre.

The other end is connected to the blue clock.

This happens in no time at all. Because there isn't any.

The Time Turner in the drawer does not tick. There is a blank glass bead. There is a blue bead. These beads are on the back. They are in the centre. An ant is frozen on the clockface.

Mirror-Nick is frozen. There is a red disc.

He has it. He has a red holographic clock. His red spiral disc is connected to his clock.

The red disc and the blue disc. They are the same. That space is the same.

The mirror-Nick is Nick.

They are one. There is no doubt.

The red disc and the blue disc. They are the same. That space is the same.

Therefore, the red disc is connected to the red clock.

Therefore, the blue disc is connected to the blue clock.

The red disc and the blue disc. They are the same. There is no doubt.

Therefore, the red clock is connected to the blue clock.

The mirror-Nick is Nick. There is no doubt.

The red and the blue clocks, are one. There is no doubt.

The mirror-Nick is not Nick. There is no doubt.

Nick is made of matter. There is no doubt.

Mirror-Nick is made of anti-matter. There is no doubt.

Nick is made of matter. His office is made of matter.

Mirror-Nick is made of anti-matter. His office is made of anti-matter.

The bottle on the muddy ground outside Nick's bedroom is made of matter.

The mirror-bottle on the muddy ground outside mirror-Nick's bedroom is made of anti-matter.

The blue holographic clock in Nick's bedroom is the same as the space that encompasses the bottle.

The red holographic clock in mirror-Nick's bedroom is the same as the space that encompasses the mirror-bottle.

There is no doubt.

If Nick grabs the bottle in his dominant hand, his left. Then his fingers will wrap around it the same way a clock ticks. Nick knows this. There is no doubt.

If mirror-Nick grabs the mirror-bottle in his dominant hand, his right. Then his fingers would wrap around it the opposite way a clock ticks. Mirror-Nick knows this. There is no doubt.

Tick, tick, tick. Time resumes.

 _Clockwise then anti-clockwise._ Nick thinks.

The components in the blue clock, are filled, with the rearranged matter; of the bottle outside. It looks like sand is filling each component, apart from the chain.

Blue sand is filling the components from the left, red sand from the right.

The chain unspools, unfurling inside the nearly finished Time Turner. Nick then takes the physical Time Turner and throws it into the mirror.

He doesn't let it hit the mirror.

Kcit, kcit, kcit. Time reverses.

The unfinished Time Turner zooms back into his hand. He unfills the blue sand, and sends it down the chain to mirror-Nicks Time Turner.

Obviously, mirror-Nick does the reverse, for a moment. Because he's back-to front, and his dominant hand; is his right.

Tick, tick, tick The Time Turner in the desk ticks. The ant buggers off.

Nick pays attention to the fact, that he once; had a nearly working Time Turner.

Two parts, make a whole.

In the drawer, the other glass bead turns on, with a red light. Then they travelled towards each other. They fuse into Yin and Yang; red and blue.

Nick pays attention to the fact that he will have a time machine.

He will take the finished Time Turner, go back in time, put it in a chest in the Arctic, he will then go forward in time. Take a Time Turner out of the chest, then rinse and repeat 343 times, or 7 to the 3.

He did the arithmancy earlier. It is the most stable configuration.

In the drawer, the fused bead; splits like bacteria. Until there are 343 of them. They travel to the edge, and are equally spaced.

Then finally.

Nick pays attention to the fact that he nearly had a working Time Turner made. He focuses on mirror-Nick.

_Your sacrifice is necessary._

The Time Turner races out the mirror, and into Nick's waiting palm.

The lights in the drawer all become blue. Mirror-Nick disappears.

There is always a price.

* * *

Ekrizdis stands on a platform. He is in The Audience Chamber.

The Chamber is a sphere. There is a platform. The platform is a disc. The disc is connected to a bridge. The bridge is straight. This bridge is connected to the sphere. The Chamber is a sphere.

The Audience Chamber is dark.

Ekrizdis stands on a platform.

"The Herald is here."

Ekrizdis sees red stars.

The stars are eyes.

" **The Eyes will eat you alive."**

" **We see All."**

" **We are Everywhere."**

" **She's our puppet now."**

" **A very useful addition to our cause."**

" **The boy king has been made a pawn. Three Lies will he offer us. The Lies open the Way."**

" **The Mason chisels His Tablet."**

" **The Seed is a tear. The tear drops to the earth. The tear wets everything"**

Ekrizdis turns.

He walks the bridge.

He enters The Vault.

In The Vault there are two long tables.

On the table to his left there are 3 things. A gun, a rock, and a block of ice; that contains Harry Potter.

On the table to his right, lies a long snake skeleton; and a ball.

The ball is iron.

Ekrizdis walks to the ball.

* * *

On a table, next to a blaster, owned by one Chequov The Unready; lay a badly translated ancient text, embedded in a rock:

(10) And lo, it is thou who are the dicks.

(11) We know of our dick.

(12) We mortals are dicks.

(13) But thou is divine.

(14) And thou is the biggest dick.

(15) And thou talks of our dick.

(16) Bit hypocritical?

(17) The way we see it.

(18) The dick who makes the dick that dicks all the dicks.

(19) That's the dick who made all the dicks in the first place.

(20) Why doesn't he take all the dick for the rest of us?

(21) Seeing as you seem to like dicks so much.

* * *

Finally.

Old Nick, stood in his cage; or more precisely his Suit. In his hand is The Weapon. He stands on the Asteroid moon of Phobos.

The Suit itself, seemingly contained nothing. Just an empty void, where a soul should be. The Suit has a shining silver helmet, with Mercury wings; jutting out. The helmet is completely sealed. The mouthpiece is glued to the headpiece. This seal, has the appearance of a mad grin of sharp teeth. The eyepieces, are Amber opaque diamonds. In the corners, of each eyepiece; are teardrop sapphires.

The Weapon is clutched in Nick's fist. The Weapon resembles a bident; only with the blob on the end, of the hand-end; of the fork. Out the end of this blob, a shaft of cobalt light protrudes; like a sword. Nick grips the fork end, in a vice; the hand end of the bident, going between his middle, and ring fingers. The cobalt light also, winds, around and up his arm; and into where his heart should be.

The Asteroid moon of Mars, lies in the red starred void. The void is empty: to all those without Amber eyes.

 _I'm completely surrounded. There are Dharklings everywhere. They are waiting to attack._ Nick had his Xenoc Blade at the ready. His heart, would have beat fast: if it was there in his Suit.

* * *

To be continued.

Now. Or rather, this is earlier:

* * *

Dumbledore couldn't find Snape.

 _Where'd my little buddy pal drinking buddy go?_ "Hic" Dumbledore burped, a little spittle hitting his beard, and sinking into its depths. _This sherry is sh' good!_ Dumbledore ponderously pondered.

 _Music, yesh! A magic for all ages!_ "yummy yummy yummy, I've got-" Dumbledore burst into Snapes quarters.

 _Drat, he's not here!_ Dumbledore surveyed Severus' room. On his desk, there was _a roll of muggle toilet paper?_ _Oh, there's a picture of Lily there as well._

"Hic- Love in my tummy!" Dumbledore boomed. _Poor Shevvy, he must have been having a cry._ His face fell, and a tear leaked out. _Oh, look Sevvy cried a lot, so many little bits of the paper scrunched up._

He heard a shower turning off in the next room. _Oh, right, I can't let Sevvy catch me-_

Severus stepped out of his shower room with a towel around his waist, and jumped. His eyes flew from Dumbledore, to his desk. _Fuck. I can't let Dumbledore know I was having a cry wank over Lily._ He thought quickly, assessing how drunk and guilty Dumbledore looked; swaying from side to side and hiccoughing. He has a pinched expression on his face.

Snape schooled his expression, _if I can fool The Dark Lord..._

"Hey Sevvy, just going to-"Dumbledore tried to say, but Severus cut in.

"Ah yes, you've found my roll of" _think Sev, think!_ "muggle candy floss?" he finished, unintentionally leaving in the question mark. Severus was certain the Headmaster hadn't heard the query however, as-

"Oh, good! Very good." Dumbledore remarked, he was so happy he didn't walk in on the evidence of the sadness Severus felt. _Severus was always such a private boy, he tended to get so touchy when others saw him being sentimental._

He bent down to collect a piece of the candy floss from the hard stone floor. _Waste not want not! Shevvy has always been such a germophobe!_

Severus' eyes widened. _Fuck fuck fuck. I think I'm rumbled._ He quickly thought. _I need more time. Think Sev, Think!_

"Come again?" He asked, tentatively. By this point, Dumbledore was standing and sniffing at the tissue.

A smile broke out on Dumbledore's face "Precishly! How did you know? Hic!-" _Remarkable! How did the mugglesh make shomething like Bertie Bott's without magic? Further, how did Sheverush know the flavour of this particular pieche?_ _Perhaps it will tashte of shomething elshe? Given how lemon dropsh tashte different to how they shmell?_ This line of thought made a lot of sense to the drunk Dumbledore.

 _What the-_ Severus thought with mounting horror, having an inkling to what Dumbledore was about to do.

Dumbledore placed the crumpled tissue in his mouth. _Why are you like this?_ Snape thought with some despair.

"Remarkable! Doesn't tashte like any candy flosh I've had before. It almost tastes like-"

"Seamen!" Snape shouted, darting his eyes to a tank Lily bought him long ago. Dumbledore followed his eyes. "Ah that. Clearsh. That up then." said Dumbledore around the tissue, swallowing.

 _Was he really going to get away with this?_ Snape looked in utter disbelief at the Headmaster. Dumbledore spun on his heel. "To the office I must go- Hic!-" The old wizard sang, then seemingly remembering something, said "- and you're welcome, my drinking buddshy you- Hic!-" He stumbled out, then literally stumbled to the door.

Up the stairs to Snape's office he meandered, giggling some drunken gibberish, like he just thought of a joke.

Snape slowly slid to the floor in relief. Then sat bolt upright as he heard a song:

"Yummy yummy yummy, I've got come in my tummy..." Albus sang. _That'll teach the sod to clean up after himself._

* * *

* * *

The Mad God Who Now Hates Microsoft Turd realises that Bill Gates lied to him. _He can save lives in Africa as much as he wants, but can he code?_

The Mad God Who Is Blind sees that, he really should have made his web; on this web.

The Mad God Who Method Writes opens a portal on the web of Read It: "The Mad God is pleased that a fellow lord took his bait."

The Mad God Who Method Writes weaves a web, of trousers called Dave.

* * *

To be continued.

* * *


	2. Setting The Trap.

This chapter is identical to the one on Fanfiction.net

Please Review. This is my first work of fanfiction, I'm normally just a numbers man.

* * *

"You question my judgement, Harry?

Would you have made the right choice?

Sacrifice everything?

Burn forever?

I've seen the True Hour of Twilight!

This dead world is a blessing you cannot comprehend!"

* * *

Chapter 2. Setting The Trap.

* * *

Albus sobbed out a song. His back against a mural to Sirius. He held a bottle of whiskey.

"Don't you." _"Sev-" **"Gel!-"**_

"Forget about." _Sirius._ ** _Arianna._**

"me." **_I wish it was me in the ground._**

The mural had a plaque on it, it read:

Marauder

First dog in Marcy

Dogfather

Friend

_It's what he would have wanted._

**_It should have hit me._ **

_They had such beautiful souls._

**_"Hurt me instead!"_ **

He took another swig. The whiskey tasted so bitter.

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Aberforth, and he said in a gruff voice-

* * *

The Mad God plays with dolls:

 **The eyes** on the dolls; are little **will** -full looking gumdrop buttons, but definitely not the kind you'd **eat**.

"Oh Harry, I'm super pregnant with all **you** r lovely babies!" Says the Tom-doll.

"Yes Tom! Let's run away together! I feel so **alive**! **We** 're so lucky!" Says the Harry-doll.

"Oh no! I **see** m to be falling into your Rabbit Hole! Everything is **all** so hot in there!" Says the Harry-doll.

"Yes, Harry, **we** love playing our games! Rabbit Holes **are** always hot."

"Oh wow, it's so cold down here. Just red dots **everywhere**!" Says the Harry-doll.

 **"I will kiss you."** Says the Eye-doll.

"Yes Harry, I love it when we play our Game. Let's go back to the end again!" Says the Tom-doll.

"Oh Tom! Everything makes so much more sense now!" Says the Harry-doll.

"Yes Harry, yes, it's turtles all the way down!" Says the Tom-doll.

The Mad God pauses. _It's getting a tad chilly in here, isn't it?_

The Mad God feels the lovely warm bed in the room.

_I think I'll just have a nap. I am really tired._

The Mad God With Method went to bed and dreamed:

The Mad God attaches his web spinner to the ceiling.

The Mad God puts his webbing on all his legs.

_**I'm their puppet now!** _

" **The boy king sits on his throne.** " Says the Eye-doll.

"Another frog! Bullfrog goes 'Rabbit!'" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"Sitting here 'drooling', I love trolling!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"The doctor, the warden, and the boy king; lie in a bed of made of his lies."** Says the Eye-doll.

"Oh, that bed sounds lovely and warm! I'll get to play with my sisters! Yay!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"But what's the bait? Got to have bait for a troll." Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"The Mother gains strength by the day. She lies in the void behind a web.** **Our strength. Our void."** Says the Eye-doll.

"Right, I do something for you. You do something for me. Gotcha!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"Okay, done with my troll. Where's the bait?" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

The Mad God saves the picture of two triangles for later.

 **"The dream takes the bitter pill and wakes up. The eater of ghosts' gets their just deserts."** Says the Eye-doll.

"Eat me Pepe!" says the hook-doll.

The Mad God attaches the hook-doll to the ceiling with a strand of sticky web.

The Mad God Who Is Blind does not see the eyes there.

"Ah! there's the bait!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"Oh fuck! It's a tra-" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

The Mad God feels the rare-Pepe-doll, struggle in his web, on the ceiling.

"Nah! Just a bigger troll! I take my hat off to you sir!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"The Eyes will eat you alive."** Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"We see All."** Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"We are Everywhere."** Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

The Mad God feels, the Dominatrix-doll struggle, and the rare-Pepe-doll.

The Mad God Who Is Blind does not see the malice; in the eyes on the ceiling.

 **"She's our puppet now."** Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"Woh! What the fuck! It's so fucking hot in here! That's my sister! Stop!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

The Mad God feels, the frogs struggle more vigorously; in his web.

"I can't see anything! Oh shit! Oh fuck!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"Please stop! Please! Don't! Don't bring my other sister here! I'll do anything!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"A very useful addition to our cause."** Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"Hurt me, just me!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"I'll be your good slave! Promise!" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

 **"The boy king has been made a pawn. Three Lies will he offer us. The Lies open the Way."** Says the Eye-doll.

"Oh. That's what you want?" Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"I'm so sorry dad." Says the rare-Pepe-doll.

"The Mason chisels His Tablet." Says the Papa-Pepe-doll.

 **"The Seed is a tear. The tear drops to the earth. The tear wets everything."** Says the Eye-doll.

 **"The Mad God spins his web to catch a fly. Our web. Our fly."** Says the Eye-doll.

The Mad God goes to his desk. There is a web covered rock on it. He connects it to the ceiling.

The Mad God cocoons himself.

He prepares to transform.

He prepares, to be eaten alive, by the nightmare.

 **"Eight."** Says the Eye-doll.

* * *

Dumbledore sat, with his back against a statue of a dog. His tears seep out, travelling down and wetting his beard.

He looks through his tear filled eyes, at a rustling of leaves.

It's his brother, Aberforth, he has a pipe in his mouth.

"I hear yer havin' a rough time." He says gruffly. He eyed Albus' bottle.

"Tha' stuff's gnat's piss tha', 'ere." He hands Albus a bottle of Firewhiskey. He sits down next to him, putting his back against the mural.

"T' Black lad were a good man." Aberforth lights his pipe. He takes a puff. Rainbow coloured smoke spills out.

The Dumbledores sit there for a while, in silence.

"The Centors hav' bin goin'" Aberforth paused, looking for the right word. _They're always a bit-_

"-Mad? Mutter' in the nigh' abou' Mars so brigh'." He paused, _they always say that_.

"Like, isn' 't'range? T' jus' come ou' and say 't. An' t' don' whisper abou' numbers. Don' 'ink they do maths." He took another toke from his pipe.

Albus had a look of slowly dawning horror on his face.

His eyes swam to Aberforth's pipe. Then they went to Aberforth's.

"T' say 'one, two, three, four; in the middle. Five.' T'en they jus' repeat' 't." He puffed his pipe, and a rainbow dragon came out. _Never chase the dragon, that's what my papa said. Then again the old bee was full of shit._ He thought bitterly.

Albus quickly grabbed The Headmaster's Key-

"Yer no apparatin' like tha'! Yall splintch yerself somethin' rottin! 'ere, take this." Aberforth handed Albus his pipe.

Albus stared at the rainbow fumes.

"What's in the-" Albus tried to say-

"Don' give me tha' look!

A man o' the world ye say?

All tha' book-learnin'.

Jus' smoke it, at'll cure that drunkeniss righ' proper.

Me own special blend tha'"

Albus took a toke. He felt wide awake already. _Remarkable._

He turned to his brother.

"What's in the pipe, out of curiosity?" He asked.

"Goblin Crack."

* * *

Severus Snape lies, in a straight-jacket; on the bed in the Whomping Willow. His eyes are rolling back in his head; making them look white.

He's giggling at a joke no one else knows.

Lupin, is padding Severus' sweaty brow; with a damp brown cloth. Tealeaves leave an earthy impression on Severus' brow.

 _In a way, he did the same for me, every month._ Remus muses.

_Prof- Albus was devastated, when Snape went mad and killed-_

He stopped.

Snape had started to gag, he said in a bullfrog-like tone so unlike his own:

 **"I'm their puppet now!"** He laughs at the ceiling madly.

He closes his eyes to sleep.

A Jade Teacup in Dumbledore's office, is knocked off its ledge.

* * *

Ekrizdis Wakes.

Ekrizdis sees a werewolf.

_He is iron._ _He is green._

Ekrizdis walks to the door.

Ekrizdis walks to the Great Hall.

_**Eight.** _

* * *

Peeves, Fred and George; are in the Great Hall after bedtime.

They are setting up, the prank of The Century; in celebration of Snape's sudden departure.

And to cheer Ron up. He was so mopey, since Harry and Hermione went missing.

"Man, Potions are so much more fun now that Bat's gone!" says Fred, sniffing something.

Peeves, Fred and George are all standing around a cauldron. The cauldron contains-

"Man, this is a big batch, it really smells like-" Says George to be cut off by-

"-Dung?" Fred finished. He stirred the mixture three times anti-clockwise, then added a flourish by hitting the bottom of the cauldron with his elder stirring stick.

"Te! Hehe!" Peeves giggled. He was the School Spirit of Naughtiness don't cha know?

"Right, I think it's nearly ready-" George cut off, he heard footsteps outside the Hall.

"Shit!" Fred and George said, frozen in fear.

"Te he he, we're all in trouble now! What fun!" Peeves laughed.

The door to the Hall creaked open to reveal-

"What the fuck is that!" They all said in unison.

Then Peeves remembered.

Peeves looked at Fred and then George for a long moment. He drank in his brothers in arms with his eyes.

He gave a sad sigh.

_I love them all so much._

_What lovely japes I have; with all my friends._

_I guess it's time for this 'Thread' to drop dead._

Peeves looked at Ekrizdis.

He grinned.

A no-nonsense gun; materialises in his right hand.

He stepped with his right foot; like it was looking for a step ladder that wasn't there.

His left foot is on the ground.

He swung, the literal Luger; pointing it at Ekrizdis.

"Tally ho!

Da da da da!"

His left hand held a bridle.

He charged.

He sang:

"Do your balls hang low?

Can you swing 'em too and fro?

Can you tie 'em in a knot?

Can you tie 'em in a bow?-"

"Haha! I'm great."

"Haha! Have a bloody good one kids!"

Peeves impacts the dark apparition. The completely literal gun fires; the bullet hits Ekrizdis in the eye.

Peeves explodes in a shower of joy. The bullet becomes a black diamond. It flies out.

Streamers and candy canes fell everywhere. The diamond 'tink!'ed; on the inner ring of the cauldron.

Snow covered the ground, just like the night before Christmas. The diamond sunk to the bottom of the potion.

The cauldron now contained a last 'piiiss off!' to death: A black Hallowed diamond.

A pair of brown knickers floats to the floor, in front of Ekrizdis.

Ekrizdis freezes. **_Six._**

A ticking counted down.

54,522.

Tick tick tick.

kc-

54,521.

* * *

Peeves, a Eulogy.

The Chronicler.

If he was a Dick, then he was the dickest dick of them all.

'Bigger than Hitler, better than Christ.'

He could tell jokes three mountains tall.

Remember that Dick, even on a heist.

I remember Him from when I was small.

'Bigger than Hitler, better than Christ.'

A good thing died today in that hall.

His love for creatures great and small.

That could never die, and not in that hall.

For joy.

He gave his life.

So remember that Dick and live yours.

And have a bloody great one!

* * *

Albus Dumbledore apparated into his office alone.

The Key pulsed around his neck.

Then it vanished.

He kept his breath held.

His eyes darted to, his Jade Teacup and saucer, on his desk.

He ran over to it.

He picked up the Cup.

The saucer below wobbled clockwise four times.

He went over to his telescope, still holding his breath.

He put The Teacup on a ledge below the eyepiece. He breathed rainbow smoke into the cup.

The saucer wobbled anti-clockwise four times.

The Cup filled with rainbow-coloured smoke. He breathed the smoke back in.

The saucer rippled like a pond. Dark red spots started to form.

The Sorcerer stood next to the Amber Spyglass ready to begin his journey.

The saucer turned inside out. Light cobalt spots formed.

He puts his eye to the Spyglass.

He saw everything.

He saw a Dhark Vision.

"Our time is running out." Gasped The Headmaster.

His eyes drooped in exhaustion; he collapses on the floor.

On his way down, he knocks his Teacup on the floor.

Rainbows bounce along the floor from the impact.

The saucer on the desk stills.

And is pearly porcelain again.

Dumbledore sleeps.

_Eight._

* * *

Giaa hung in the air above a clearing in a forest in Albania.

_Flesh of the Servant willingly given, check! Got my Ginnea Pig right there. Or should I say 'Lab Rat'?_

Peter stood there looking lost and gormless.

"Master? Are you there? It's your faithful servant, Wormtail, here." He trailed off, his eyes watery.

_Right, and what was it again?_

_Bone of the Father unknowingly taken?_

_My god men come up with such ridiculous_ _double-entendres._

_I'll have to improvise._

_How about a mother's love?_

_After all, I'm the mother of all these little bastards._

_Unknowingly taken?_

_Damn I'll have to think of something._

_Eh, it'll just pretend to not notice-_

_Nothing will go right-_

_Eat ya heart out, Murphy._

_Which reminds me, 'Blood of the Enemy forcibly taken?'_

Giaa glances at Peter.

_I guess he did, technically, kill Tom._

_Sounds like a bloody enemy to me._

_Plus, I'm a mean force of nature now and then._

_Right!_

_Let's get this show on the road._

Peter exploded in blood.

The blood morphed to form a bloody shadow of Tom Riddle.

Giaa floated down.

She cradles Tom's shadow.

And sang:

"Mother, do you think They'll drop the bomb?" _Ten._

Tom crystallised. Earthy orbs formed as his eyes.

"Mother's going to make all of your dreams come true!"

Tom woke up. He stared into the sky, like a new born.

A dark diary in a desk drawer, with a hole in, reformed; and then dissolved. A saucer on the desk above span clockwise four times.

A ring in a dirty dusty shack exploded, leaving a small black diamond Hallow. The skeletal snake, outside; and on the door hissed. "Ah, fuck." He paused. "Well, no time like the present." He started wriggling: "I'm a slithery, slithery, snake! I'm a snake! Still got that ass-" The shack exploded. The snake's skull flew. It landed in a field. "-Though". The snake went to sleep. A donkey, looked at the smoking snake skull gormlessly. Then she went back to eating the grass. In the shack, after some time; the black diamond dissolved. _Seven!_

Far away in Gringotts a cup melted in Vault 73; giving the Goblins more troubles than their rampant Crack addictions. High above, Ragnok and Bill Weasley were interviewing Griphook for a promotion. In Vault 73 a creaky, grindy voice coming from the walls, croaked: "I love it when a cup melts inside me. So good so nice. I love watching an abortion in Vault 73. So good so nice. I love it when the little green things dig inside me. So good so nice. I love it when they take the rocks and count them. It's like when I watched that abortion. So good so nice. Eight!" The voice also echoed in the interview room.

In a basin a locket sat in a glowing green potion. "Is there anybody out there? Eight!". The locket had heard something, he waited, then dismissed it. _Just the corpses again. They make such terrible conversational partners. Although Napoleon is pretty good at Risk; I'll give the French dwarf that. Bastard._ The locket paused again. "Oh, look, a regular and dark looking fellow is coming. Maybe he'll get me out?" The locket paused. The locket dissolved in the potion; turning it dark red. "I have become comfortably numb! Seven!".

On a bust of Rowena Ravenclaw in Her Room of Requirements: a diadem sat. "1! 2! 4! Eight! Only 17! Dancing queen! You can dance! You can ji-ah-ive! Having the time of your life!" A trail of bloody smoke drips out of the diadem. The Bloody Baron, who watches the bloody smoke vanish, whispers: "What the actual bloody fuck?" He got very bloody angry. "I've been bloody standing here! Every bloody night! For a bloody thousand years! Told to stand bloody vigil! I smell a bloody long con! I'm going to have a bloody word with my manager! Bloody Peeves! Bloody seven! Teen" He stomped off.

A half-snake Chinese woman called Nagini sits down, and has a lovely cup of camomile tea, and reads Heat. It's a completely normal Friday Evening for her. Nothing interesting happens. Her clothes sit drying on a clothes horse by her fire. It's the day after Laundry Day. Yep. Nothing happens. "I love English men. But I think Tom Cruise is dreamy too." She sighs longingly and turns the page "Oh! An article about Bruce Lee! He's so lithe! Like a slithery snake! He's got that butt though! Oh, and a picture of Denzel Washington overleaf, on page eight! He looks lovely in that suit." She sighs longingly. Nothing interesting happens. "Wish I had a baby." Yep totally normal. Seven!

"Mother's going put all of her fears into you!" Giaa continued her song.

Tom slept, and dreamt of Dhark things. He wailed.

"Hush now baby, don't cry."

"Mummy's here."

 _Eight._ She counted.

* * *

Tom's third eye floated away from Earth.

Tom zoomed away, past Mars shining so bright.

Past the Asteroid moon of Mars: Phobos. Zero.

He zoomed out further and faster.

His mind rang, with the sound of seraphim; crying a death march of the dancing dead.

He saw the Milky Way below him.

Slowly stars started to go red.

Blinking.

He zoomed out further.

Smoky tendrils snaked out of the now completely red Milky Way. They first snaked to Andromeda. Then.

Everywhere.

Then he saw a giant red frog's eye.

It didn't see him.

He was protected by Giaa's Love.

He zoomed out further.

He saw a dilemma.

He saw a swirling dark vortex.

There was a Bridge of Sacrifice hanging over it.

The end of the bridge cried tears; that spoke of unspeakable pain.

Relentless agony.

And he then saw himself.

He was a skeleton of himself; with a face only a mother could love.

The skeleton had cold red eyes.

The skeleton sat on a giant throne.

The throne sat on a massive pile of skulls.

At the bottom of the pile six Pillars pierced Giaa's body.

She bled.

The blood trailed along like a river.

Following the red river.

The river connected to the sky.

Tom looked up in horror.

Every star was red.

The sky rained fire onto The Field of Suffering.

The Voldemort on his throne watched this all happen with an indifferent expression.

He was looking off into the distance.

He was watching giant mechanical spiders, with glassy crimson eyes; tend to the Field of Suffering.

There, thousands of web covered human heads, popped out of the ground; like grass.

All the heads were screaming at the sky soundlessly.

For they had no mouths with which to.

They cried tears of blood.

The blood went dark.

Slowly, Tom's own vision went dark.

He was alone in a dark blank void with his thoughts.

He schemed.

_Surely there's a third way?_

Some bastards never change.

* * *

Harry and Hermione explode out of Time. A smoky trail of fire lights the sky, like a bolt.

They are in a large grassy field. Off in the distance, there is a large lake.

Next to the lake, there is a large Forbidding Forest.

And in the middle of the Forest.

There lived a pair of trousers.

Called Dave.

* * *

The ghost of Bane burst, out of The Headmaster's Fireplace on a Wednesday evening.

He had his ghostly hands covering his mouth.

He strode over to Dumbledore's desk.

Dumbledore, spat out the tea in his mouth; into his Jade Teacup.

Snape sat silently, in the chair opposite Dumbledore.

"Wha-" Dumbledore scratched out, his eyes widening on Bane; and his hands-covered mouth.

He puts his Teacup on the saucer.

"Oh, you think the tea is your ally?" Mumbled Bane, almost inaudibly; through his palms.

"I was born in a teacup; moulded by it!

I didn't leave the outside until I was a man;

and by then it was nothing to me but.

Dry." Bane stared, imperiously, through his fingers, down at Dumbledore.

"I was just discussing, with Snape, the best course of action to take, given his; state." Dumbledore trailed off hoarsely.

He looked at Severus with his bloodshot eyes.

Snape was in a straight-jacket.

Albus continued "I suggest a course of therapy with a trained mind healer.

Perhaps, Andromeda?"

His watery eyes fixed on Severus.

He sat there quietly, staring at the floor.

"Oh. Uh." Muffled Bane.

His eyes darted back and forth.

"Oh!

You think the therapist is your ally?" He continued, staring down at Albus, like he was something at the bottom of the lavatory.

"I was born to one!"

"Smoulded?

By one." _Good thinking there Bane!_

"I didn't see an unshrink until.

I was a man!

And by then it was nothing to me but.

A normal person?" Muffled Bane, proud of himself.

"Sometimes." Snape muttered.

"I feel that darkness is my only friend." He finished, finally.

Bane's eyes darted to Snape.

_That is-_

His hands went off his mouth.

"Jesus, mate!

That's really goth dude.

I think you need a therapist.

Oh yeah!

I know one; think I mentioned her earlier?" Said Peeves.

Dumbledore sat puzzled. **_This isn't how-_**

"Don't think about it!" Shouted Peeves in a panic.

"That's what They want you to think!" He finished.

"Clear your mind mate. Tell a joke." He whispered.

"Oh, I could tell you about a bit of 'candy floss' I found on the floor of Severus' floor one time." He trailed off, glancing at Snape.

"Real mind freak, I played on him. Really amusing." He continued.

"Really taught him not to keep his room so messy." He finished.

"Good! Good!" Shouted Peeves.

Dumbledore paused. His eyes-

"No!" Peeves shouted.

"They want to censor everything!

Make everything serious!"

"Don't let them!"

"Bottoms!

Bananas!

Cock! Cock! Cock!"

"I don't have much time here.

Dinner with Destiny and all that.

She has, the, most, smashing blouse.

Oh!

Think I'll have a stiffy in my grave?

Can't wait!"

Peeves hurtled over to Dumbledore's desk.

He floated above the Teacup.

The Teacup split into 3 yellow mugs.

He shuffled the mugs.

He dropped a red pill in one.

And a blue pill in the others.

He shuffled the mugs again.

"Right, here's the plan I-"

He got out a roll of cello tape.

He floated over to Snape.

He wound Snape in the cello tape.

Snape froze with his mouth hanging open.

A fork materialised in Peeves' hand.

The Key around Dumbledore's neck vanished.

Peeves stuck the fork into the cello tape near Severus' crotch.

"Do that.

Then, I give the Bat the mug with a blue pill,

and you get the same.

I'll take the red one."

"Nothing can go wrong!"

"Which-" Albus tried to ask, confused.

"The yellow one!" Peeves said.

"But-" Albus.

"The yellow one!" Peeves.

Dumbledore sagged in his chair, defeated.

He picked up one of the cups.

He drank.

Peeves picked up the remaining mugs.

_Er?_

_Which one?_

_Oh,_

_it's bound to be one!_

_Hum dee dumb._

He swam over to Snape.

He poured half of each mug into Severus' mouth.

Then Peeves did the same, with his own mouth.

"Right, I'm going to call the Knightbus." Peeves said.

"Mrs Tiggy Winkle!"

"I'm going to haul the Bat"

He picked up the chair Severus was cello taped to.

Bang!

The Knightbus appeared.

"Ey look Ern! We're in the 'eadmasters' Office at 'Ogwarts!" Said Stan Shunpike, amazed.

"Aye, always gives me the nasties, when we appear in a dream" Ern mutters.

"The usual charge then?" Stan.

"Aye, no special favours." Ern.

"Put him on the roof." Peeves floated up to the top of the Bus. And dropped Snape.

"Ey! what chu doin' tha' for!" Stan made to step out-

"You don't get bus conductors on the roof!" Peeves.

"Aye, Stan. Bad idea going in someone's head." Ern.

"Ah!

Yes!

Last time I became naked, when that old Hag, drunk-called us in the middle of her dream; about her fear of public speaking." Stan said in a rush, dropping his cockney accent for a moment.

His eyes widened.

"Stan." Ern warned. _You never drop the act. Never._ _S'even if you are so sorely tempted. Mrs Tiggy Winkle is a bus with standards, after_ all.

Peeves counted: his time was up.

"Right, got to dash!

You can clear things up in here.

Oh yeah!

Mrs Tiggy Winkle, where are you?"

Peeves vanished. His pink knickers fell to the floor.

Bang!

The Knight Bus disappeared.

Dumbledore sat there confused for a moment, then picked up his Jade Teacup.

He woke up.

_Six._

* * *

Outside Hogwarts, Fudge was negotiating with the Dementors.

He was talking to the 'lead' Dementor, he had Kingsley's Patronus standing guard next to him.

_Black was dead._

_No reason for them to still be here after all._ Fudge reasoned.

"I don't know why you don't just go back to Azkaban?

Plenty of food there in the cages.

Don't even have to cook them!" Negotiated Fudge winningly.

"No.

We are waiting.

For the Signal" The 'lead' Dementor rasps darkly.

"But I already pressed Ekrizdis' Button!

Look!" Fudge said, exasperatedly, holding a red button-box, and clicking it repeatedly.

_They are always such sticklers for the Rules._

_Maybe I'm not pressing it right?_

"Maybe I'm not doing it right? What Sig-" Fudge cut off-

 **"Eight."** The 'lead' Dementor's eyes glowed red.

**"That one"**

* * *

Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore, the leader of the Headless Hunt, sat on his horse; waiting.

Behind him thousands of ghosts sat on ghostly horses, they wielded lances shaped as a unicorn horn.

Waiting.

Mars wasn't the right shade of red yet.

Johnny The Fat Frair sat on his own ghost horse.

Waiting.

He similarly sat in front of thousands of ghosts, but this time they held sickly green muskets, with Patronus-white bayonets.

"Eight!" Shouted Johnny.

Opposite them on the grounds of Hogwarts, red eyes lit up one by one.

Dementors.

Thousands of them.

Shadowy Centaurs sat opposite the cavalry of the Army.

Four of the Centaurs but one had riders.

"When Johnny comes marching home again," Sir Patrick sang in his richly soft accent. _Make it so! Number Seven!_

"Hurrah!

Hurrah!" He continued.

Johnny The Fat Friar's armour shone bright. Song-armour.

"We'll give him a hearty welcome then,

Hurrah!

Hurrah!" Johnny continued.

"Oh, the men will cheer the boys will shout

The ladies they will all turn out,"

This time the whole Army joined in. With the men, and the women, putting their respective emphases on their bits.

"And we'll all feel gay"

Sir Patrick was a ghost of his time, after all. He wrote the song. _Six._

"When Johnny comes marching home." Drums beat.

"And we'll all feel gay

When Johnny comes marching home."

"Get ready for the Jubilee!" Everyone cheered.

"Hurrah!

Hurrah!

We'll give the heroes 3 times 3," Everyone cheered again.

"Hurrah!

Hurrah!

Well, the laurel wreath is ready now

To place upon their loyal brows," _Five!_

"And we'll all feel gay

When Johnny comes marching home.

And we'll all feel gay

When Johnny comes marching home." _Four!_

"In nineteen hundred and ninety-Three!

Hurrah!

Hurrah!

That was when the war begun,"

"Hurrah!

Hurrah!

In nineteen hundred and ninety-four,

Both sides were falling to,"

"In nineteen hundred and ninety-five,

Hurrah!

Hurrah!"

"Oh Old Her-mi-one!

She ends slavery!" The army grit their teeth in determination.

"Hurrah!

Hurrah!

In nineteen hundred and ninety-five

Old Her-mio-ne, she ends slavery!"

"nineteen hundred and ninety-six,

Hurrah!

Hurrah!

Abe calls for Two hundred thousand more!"

"Hurrah!

Hurrah!

nineteen hundred and ninety-six,

They talked rebellion-strife;" _One._

* * *

Napoleon stood on a balcony, in the Iris.

He stood there, surveying the troops.

Thousands of, red-eyed, skeletal robots.

They are green. They are made of True Iron.

They marched from a massive blue portal.

Through the blue portal, there was a plaque, it read:

IVLXCCDMM ONNA IIREPMI

Napoleon checked his pocket watch. _Eight._

* * *

The Negotiator flew down to stand in front of Old Nick; who stood on Phobos.

"What have They done to you, Pepe?" Nick asked, horrified.

The Negotiator is a tall thin man.

He has no eyes. He has no mouth.

He wears a crisp black business suit. His tie is red.

The tie is wrapped around Pepe's neck tightly.

On the tie, there is a triangle: Three Lies.

In the centre of this triangle, there is an eye.

An All-Seeing Eye.

Above the eye, there is a Gordian knot: An Unbreakable Vow.

Around this knot there is a spider: the spider has eight blind eyes.

The legs of the spider, are connected to The Eye; with puppet stings.

In the strands of the strings, a wasp flies to the spider.

In the Negotiator's hand, there is a black brief-case of greed.

**"I have given my Word.**

**Their word is: Eight!"**

Mars glows brighter. A jet of blinding light, races towards Earth.

The jet comes from Olympus Mons. The jet burns away the sand covering it to reveal a glass dome.

Under this dome thousands of robots gather.

Nick raises his Xenoc Blade. The Negotiator opens his briefcase.

Two of Nick's daughters fly out: Marcy and Mandy.

They are deposited on the ground, they are unconscious.

**"I have given my Word.**

**They have given Theirs.**

**Their word is: Seven!"**

Far below, in the dome on Mars, the portal turns red. It shows a picture of Big Ben, and The Houses of Parliament.

The robots march through. Nick stood there silently in the hostage situation.

**"Their word is: Six!"**

The red portal now shows a picture, of The White House; in The United States of America.

The Muse bursts through the ground.

"Mummy is very cross!"

She is holding Nick's heart. She throws it to him.

He catches it. He opens the seal on his helmet.

He drops his heart down. It starts tick-beating like a wet clock.

Tick-boom! Boom-Tick!

**"Their word is: Five!"**

The red portal now shows a picture of The Kremlin.

The red-eyed Dementors, or Dharklings; attack.

"Take the girls and go, I'll hold them off!"

His blade glows. Charging. Tick. Tick. His heart goes.

He thrusts The Xenoc blade.

A white luminescent bubble, surrounds his Muse and his girls. His Muse picks up the girls.

She runs back into the hole she made in Phobos.

**"Their word is: Four!"**

The red portal now shows a vision of The Forbidden City in China.

Nick steels himself as the Dharklings swarm him. They surround him as a dome.

His heart beats. Boom-boom! Boom-boom!

The eyes of the Dharklings grow brighter. Nick's Amber eyes go red.

The Dementors disperse.

 **"I see now, it's all pointless."** Nick whispers.

 **"Their word is: Three!"** The Negotiator booms.

The red portal now shows a picture of the Axis Monumental in Brazil.

 **"It's all happened before."** continues Nick.

**"Again and again, we get to this point."**

**"Again and again, nothing changes."**

**"Their word is: Two!"** The Negotiator counts.

The red portal shows a picture of The Sydney Opera House.

His Muse burst out of the hole again.

"There is always Hope!

Destiny can be a bitch,

But at least she's consistent!" She shouts.

 **"Their word is: One! Wha!-"** The Negotiator cut off. His Mother was holding his tie-

"Off you pop, you rascal!" She throws the Negotiator off, into space, ripping a bit off his tie.

In her hand the tie-piece becomes The Headmaster's Key.

Nick's red eyes see space start warping around him.

 **"There is no hope."** He raises his Blade. He places the tip above his heart.

"Catch!" The Muse throws The Key.

The Key hits the hilt of The Blade.

An image of The Key, travels down the sword; and into Nick.

The Key drops to the ground. Nick's Suit bursts open to reveal his Clock-stone heart.

Boom-tick! Tick-boom! Boom-tick! Tick-boom! Boom-tick! Tick-boom! Boom-tick! Tick-boom!

The Blade and The Heart stood at the point of singularity.

The Blade tip spoke of 'unspeakable pain'.

The Blade was a Bridge, it whispered: 'relentless agony'.

The Muse stands at the hilt of The Blade.

"There is always a price" She says bitterly.

"But, you have the choice, Nick." She continues, tears welling up in her eyes.

"You will burn forever." The tears grow.

"Or become like Them." The tears drop.

There is a long pause.

The warping of space becomes a violent shaking.

Then.

"The Mason chisels His Tablet." Nick says finally.

"Oh Nick!

Please!

There has to be another way!

I love you!

Please!"

"Zero" Nick says.

* * *

Finally.

Marcus Antonym, sat on a throne; in the Audience Chamber.

He had an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

His blue eyes shone so starkly in the dark chamber.

He had lived many lives.

He had many names.

He was The Philosopher King of the Roman Empire.

But that's a story for another time.

He notices The Herald, walking, on the bridge.

"The Herald is here." Marcus hears the rasping voice ring out.

The red stars start to shine.

**"The boy king sits on his throne."**

He lights his cigarette, with a blue flame on his finger.

**"The doctor, the warden, and the boy king; lie in a bed of made of his lies."**

He takes a long drag.

 **"The Mother gains strength by the day. She lies in the void behind a web.** **Our strength. Our void."**

He exhales the smoke.

**"The dream takes the bitter pill and wakes up. The eater of ghosts' gets their just deserts."**

He eyes the bottle of Champaign, in the cooler next to him, on the right.

**"The Eyes will eat you alive."**

He takes another drag on his cigarette.

**"We see All."**

The tip burns blue hot. Unnoticeable in the chamber bathed in red light.

**"We are Everywhere."**

He clicks his fingers.

**"She's our puppet now."**

The Champaign is uncorked soundlessly.

**"A very useful addition to our cause."**

He eyes a Champaign glass to his left.

**"The boy king has been made a pawn. Three Lies will he offer us. The Lies open the Way."**

The bubbling wine snakes its way to the glass.

"The Mason chisels His Tablet." Marcus whispers. Mourning his fellow Alchemist.

He closes his eyes.

He reopens them.

The glass fills.

**"The Seed is a tear. The tear drops to the earth. The tear wets everything."**

Marcus watches Ekrizdis turn.

He picks up his glass.

**"The Mad God spins his web to catch a fly. Our web. Our fly."**

Ekrizdis enters The Vault.

Marcus takes a sip. He puts the glass down.

Marcus snaps his fingers.

**"Eight."**

High above, Mars is bathed in bright crimson light.

The nimbus begins it's journey to Earth.

Which is, precisely, eight light-minutes away.

Marcus walks to a podium, it has a piece of paper titled: "The Swan Song".

Marcus raises his glowing Cobalt Wand.

He prepares to conduct as-

**"** **Seven."**

He concentrates on the words of the song.

**"Six"**

He focuses on the number 6.

He thinks of his parents.

**"Five"**

He focuses on the number 30.

**"Four"**

He focuses on the number 60.

Two blue slashes leave his eyes.

**"Three"**

He thinks of his mother.

**"Two"**

He thinks of his father.

**"One"**

The blue slashes move into The Audience Chamber proper.

The sphere starts rotating anti-clockwise.

After 60 revolutions, it spins clockwise.

He begins conducting the Swan Song:

**"Don't you see?"**

**"Under the red starred sky."**

**"Lie the twinkle of our eyes."**

**"Don't you see?"**

**"By the light of the Twilight Sun."**

**"Lie our children."**

**"They will darken the sky."**

**"They will scream soundlessly."**

**"They will craft our Mind."**

**"On** **the plains of their pain."**

**"Don't you see?"**

**"Their bones will bleed."**

**"The Body borne."**

**"Their dead** **rise."**

 **"The** **Soul forged."**

**"By the light of the Twilight Sun."**

**"A God from the machine.** **"**

**"Zero."**

The lights in the room all go dark.

Leaving Marcus' eyes, and his cigarette, as the only light.

* * *

To be continued.

* * *

First AN: Dedicated in loving memory to Roscoe, taken from us at the age of 28; in August 2020. A good friend. 28 is a so-called "perfect number" in maths. We loved playing Soul Reaver together.

AN: Dedicated in loving memory to Rik Mayal, taken from us in May 2015. He made our lives full of joy.

AN: Tried to give up writing this a few days ago, but I can't stop; it's, kind of, the only thing I do these days; so I guess I'm the story's 'puppet' now.

AN: Would love to have a Beta writer, preferably someone who's less mathsy than me, so I can run some ideas past them, and see if I'm not just madly rambling; about incomprehensible stuff.

AN: Would like a, "Gramma Nazi", to take me to task as well, I'm pretty hard to offend, as you can see from my work so far. Grammar Nazi goes "That is, actually; a preposition" I go "Yup, I was pretty silly there. Also, what's a verb again?"

Final AN: Chapters where there's that space distortion effect are special.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Warning, contains implicit sex. There will be a Maledom scene, and a Femdom scene. Further, I have posted the story under the same name on Ao3 with no censorship. This story, will be horrible, and the "worst" things that happen will certainly not be the sex scenes. The War will be incredibly dark, darker than you are currently lead to believe.

* * *

_Tom is_ _deified. The Clans tell tales of Him._ _Few know the truth._

_He was mortal once, as were we all._

_I,_ _Ekrizdis, have served Him a millennium._

* * *

Chapter 3 Rosetta Worlds of the Week: No Escaping Heaven.

* * *

Harry and Hermione burst out of time, above a large flat grassy plane: Tuesday.

It is the dead of night **.**

"Arresto Momentum!" Hermione shouts, panicking.

Boom! There is a clap of thunder **.**

A green firefly, zooms out of Hermione's wand, and mutters: "Cheers, mum!" Father **!**

He disappears. **Only darkness.**

Harry and Hermione appear on the ground. **Before.** The Time Turner sings its dangerous tone again.

It dissolves, and turns into an hourglass, and a piece of glowing cobalt cord. **Me.**

The hourglass has no sand inside, but it does have a pulsing blue gas; in the shape of a musical note. The top and the bottom of the hourglass have the word "Tuesday" emblazoned in tacky gold; wrapping around the wood **cyclically.**

The **blue** cord has a white bead that runs its length, then returns to the beginning after a **minute.**

Harry and Hermione stare up at the **sky** , holding the **cord** , and the hourglass respectively. There are no clouds in the sky. There are **no stars** either. Just a green firefly **popp** ing in and **o** ut of existence.

"Where are we?" Harry asks in shock. His hand burnt, the cold cord felt nice.

"Not a clue, Harry. No, stars, to navigate, by." Hermione stutters through gritted teeth, _I hurt all over._

Harry clambers to his feet.

He spots a large Forbidding Forest covered in a damp mist, in the distance. "I think we're near Hog-" His eyes dart to where **the castle** should be, _nothing._

"Harry **. I.** Can't **.** Move **.** " Hermione gasps out.

Harry's eyes whirl to Hermione's face in fear. Her scared eyes reflect the light of the beating cord in his hand.

"So. **C-Cold. Fire.** Now." Hermione looks into Harry's eyes imploringly.

"Erm, I kind of lost my wand." Harry said sheepishly. Then he remembered. **_Siri-8_**

"Harry!" Hermione shouts in pain. Harry watches Hermione's eyes swim to her **wand.**

He got the message. He bent down to collect the wand from Hermione's **stiff fingers.**

 _Right, so, bluebell flames, nice and_ simple, _ **no words** needed for that, can't risk something going_ wrong; _with a wand not my own._ He turned around, and waved his **wand.**

And a small blue fairy popped out the end.

 **"O** h, hi there, are you my daddy **?"** squeaked the fairy, gazing innocently, at Harry.

 _ **O** h, b **o** ll **o** cks **,** I screwed up. _Harry thought shamefully **.** L **oo** king up at the blue **star** red **s** ky.

"I was trying to make bluebell **-"** Harry was cut off by **-**

 **"** Oh, I like that name! **Bluebell!"** Shouted the blue fairy, now Bluebell, excitedly.

Harry stared at Bluebell, in confusion. His eyes went to Hermione. She'd passed out.

He needed to warm her up. _That's what they do for people on Casualty._ Casualty was a **TV drama** with **doctors and nurses,** he was forced to watch; with the **Dursleys.**

" **Yes** , will do **!** " Bluebell had a nurses hat on her head now.

"But **-** " Harry.

" **Y** es **?** " Bluebell asked, looking like a child, up at Harry.

"Erm, okay **.** " Harry said, defeated. He felt cold, in the cobalt glow of the fairy's eyes.

* * *

Nick is in **H** is **O** ffice, fiddling with His Ti **me** Turne **r.**

"It is **mine.** " He states. "The Mason must, whistle and chistle, his tablet, after all." He focuses on **an ant** on his desk **.**

The ant turns to **dust. _That is what The Future does, after all._**

 _However Time is a river, and I have a boat._ The dust cr **y** stallises **,** turning int **o** twin helices in a loving embrace.

Two choices.

A Dilemma: Leave Me, I die. **Lo** ng live Me **!**

 **The** Ultimate **Cage.**

Inside it, there was a green Chinese dragon, named **Cassiopeia.**

Or 'Puff', to her friends. You would add 'The Magic Dragon' afterwards for formality. She was so- _what's the word-_

_Irish. Odd lass._

He eyed His Pipe. _No, that comes later._ It is The End, after all.

He eyed His Mirror. A perfectly ordinary gateway to the Mirror Universe.

It was blessedly clear of his **visage.**

_**Sacrifice** s are everything._

_**Even** when you don't know that i **s** what you are doing._

He closed his eyes at the images of his youth on the mirror. _I was so, short sighted, back then. Did not see the perils. No._ Don't think of The Roots. Nick steeled himself. He let his mind wander away from dangerous thoughts.

He eyed His Pack of Lies, with three suits. Amber Blades, The Free Keys, and the Red Mercuries. _That's odd, I thought it was just red and **blue.** The Wife must've found The Amber cards._

He focusses on the mirror, it warps, glowing red. It shows a Pillar, at the bottom, a Lich lies in wait. Kel'Faust. The _Huit'kel'opochtli of Mephestholes_ _. The Final Judge._ Old Nick does not look into those Kaleidoscope Eyes. _Only darkness **before me.**_

The mirror warps again, he watches an Amber Sword bathed in a ticking jade heart, pumping Ambrosia. _Doesn't make sense._

The mirror flashes blue. He sees a bald version of himself, toying away at a glowing figure **8: _Yes, The Lemniscate._**

_**The Jail** or of the Elements. Also, the brother of Puff._

_Super weird dude._

_He likes to do something called "Trolling", **o** n a web **of webs** , or something **.**_

**_My hypothesis is that he is a Virgin._ **

_He does like to play with dolls after all. Some disturbingly life **-** like ones._

The mirror flashes blue. He sees a gigantic column of Timeless **O** bsidian. The Ashes of the Stars. The Soot of The End.

Still blue edged, the mirror pans down, with nary a soun **d.**

Looking up, The Pillar pierces the corpse of the L **o** rd of Time, Khronos. He lies at the base of this Pike Tower, his blue blood, dripping like amber; flows inexorably to the Maw of the Pike. Kel'Faust. Nick knows not to gaze on Him.

The mirror flashes red. _**O** h, look, a **tree.**_

* * *

Nick steps out of time. It is Saturday. He stands in an icy wasteland. He begins his work, of copying His Time Turner.

He finishes, all 342 copies lie in a chest. The final one, lies in his own chest, tick-beating.

He turns around. He notices a frozen sapling.

He watches the sapling grow. He sees, red glowing baubles, grow out of The Tree.

There are 323 red baubles, on the now gigantic Christmas Tree. He sees this as an Arithmantic Sign. He takes The Time Turners in the now snow covered chest. He replaces the red baubles with them, three at a time.

Until he is left with 19 Time Turners, and 323 red baubles; in the chest. He places the chest, at the foot of **The Tree** as a present.

The Time Turners on the tree go: **Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.** He takes this as another Arithmantic Signal.

He takes **7** Time Turners from the chest.

He watches the red baubles, decompose themselves, each into 7 flat planes.

He sees this as another signal.

He snaps his fingers.

The 7 Time Turners resolve themselves into 7 flat, beating, tablets.

 **Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.** They beat, out of sync with each other.

 _Yes, a manifold with a **seven** -fold cover. The most arithmantically stable:_ _Sunday, Monday,_ _Tuesday, Wednesday, Laundry Day,_ and _Saturday._

He points his right index finger at The Tree. A red holographic sphere appears on the end.

The red baubles in the chest fly out, by themselves. The Tree is alive.

They float around the holographic sphere, like numbers on a clock face. The baubles have numbers on them: 1,2, **3,...,** 323.

**He took this as a sign, that he was doing the correct thing.**

The red holographic sphere flew, into his hand. It looked like a featureless red orange. He quite literally unpeeled this red orange.

 **Moob. Moob. Moob. Moob. Moob. Moob. Moob.** The red orange boomed in reverse, as the Planes of the Week, sewed themselves, to the red holographic orange.

There is a flash of white light.

Then the red orange becomes white.

Then becomes a rainbow: Red at the north pole, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet at the south pole.

The Tree becomes a sapling once more.

The now rainbow sphere had structure thus: Sunday the day of rest; at the bottom, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Laundry Day, Friday, Saturday; the elemental plane, at the top; here.

Sunday was sending unstable ripples out. _Is my_ _Heart broken?_

He closed his eyes. He hovers in the lotus position.

He has a Trojan dream.

* * *

"Hey there, handsome" the Muse purr **s.**

Nick wakes up next to a wonderful sight.

His Muse lay on the bed next to him. She wore a corset, with a bow on its back. A delightful present. She wore high heels, with spiky bumps running down the heel. She has unshed tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry Nick." His Muse whispers guiltily **. {*}{BLASPHEMY!}{8}(Tony)**

"For **?"** Nick asks curi **ously.**

 **"I lead you to temptation."** She says simply. "I'm such a naughty girl." She continues, her breath purrs. "I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy a little slice of heaven, before **-"** She stops herself.

 **"Darling.** What are you talking about?" Nick asks impatiently. "I think my **phylactery** is unstable **."**

The Muse frowns, then, "what do you mean?" She has a worried look on her face. "But **-"**

"There's something going on, in the bottom of my heart." Nick states simply, talking over his Muse.

"Well, Nick. You know how our arrangement works." The Muse said. "I've been a very bad girl. And all of this is a dream. Why not get some inspiration **?"** She whispers the last part in his ear, untying her **bow.**

"I don't see- oh my!" Nick **'** That Horny **Duck** Again **'** exclaimed. He saw her soft breasts free themselves of her **corset.** His eyes travel down them, perfect dark areolas, surrounded by skin of coffee-coloured porcelain. _**She** always reminds me of our travels in the Orient when sh **e** **a** dopt **s** this visage._ _Great times. **I** can **'** t get it up with this clock heart though-_

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! He heard his heart go. **_How?_**

"Oh my Old Frog, your heart is always with me." She starts to pinch her nipples. "I've been such a bad girl. I think I need a spanking." She says.

 _Wow, she hasn't been like this since. Pepe._ His eyes start to tear up. _**Oh God.** **How did I ever forget?**_

" **No** , my darling, I should be the one who cries." Her beautiful dark orbs looked into his, and saw the twinkle in them.

She continued, whispering. "I think Pepe is going to be alright." They embraced one another for a long moment.

The Muse shifted.

Nick's erection grew into his wife's space dripping sweet ambrosia. _When she gets like this, it's usually best to go with the flow._

His hand snaked to her moist cunt. He unhooks her thong. _Don't know why I made it, but, she insisted._ _She never used it properly. Silly girl._

_Yep, that's her naughty blue skin._

_That's._

**_Oh 6 arms, this time._ **

**_She is randy._ **

**He snapped his fingers** , her arms are bound in lace behind her back **.**

"Remember the safe word, dear?" He says around his Patriarchal Pipe.

"Oranges." She whispered in a cultured fashion from his lap.

He was in an armchair now.

The Muse draped over his lap in a French Maid's outfit, behind her blue wide hips, the fireplace. A **Colonial** Fireplace. _Isn't this the dream Marcy and Mandy walked in on?_ Her eyes dart to the door. _No, they're not here. She knows not to walk in on us._

 ** _Weird kid._** Thought Nick, taking a puff from his Pipe. _Well, I say 'kid', but, we're all timeless entities. All you can say is who is **who's 'thought-child'. That Digit Slavery idea was genius.** I don't care what you say. **The Turions bought it, after all.** Really fucked them up good. _**Nick smiled.** He gripped The Muse's head **.**

"Open it." Nick said. She leant forward, her lips on the tie of his silk robe **.**

"Oh my, you really must let me finish." He gripped her hair braid tighter in his right hand. She looked up at him in wonder. He slaps her.

"With." He slaps her again.

"Your. Teeth." He slaps her one last time.

"Naughty girl!" He watches her tears fall. _Ah, might have gone a little far._ He looks into her eyes. ** _No._**

Then he remembers their **Game.** _She has to say the Word. If she wasn't loving it, she would say it. The Words always set you free. They are Three Lies, after all._ An image flashes before his eyes, too quick to say what it was. **_Only darkness before me._**

* * *

Ragnok The Manager, and Bill Weasley The Cursebreaker, are interviewing Griphook The Carter; for a promotion to the position of junior Dragon Rangler.

On the desk in front of Griphook, there is a sign:

Ragnok, Head Manager,  
Gingotts, Diagon Alley Branch.

Don't say "GIM"

"What's 'G-'" Griphook tries to say.

"No!" Bill and Ragnok say together. Ragnok taps the sign.

"Now, what would you say; are your greatest strengths?" Ragnok continues.

"Oh, okay!

Well, I was in charge, of bringing down, customers to their vaults, for 5 years. I have no motion sickness as a result." Griphook said nervously to start, then built his confidence back-

"I love it when a cup melts inside me." A creaky-grindy voice croaked.

 **{F}{K}{T}{}{}{}{** "Was that **?** -" **Griphook.}{}{}{}{**

"No! Don't say it!" Bill and Ragnok.

"So good so nice." The voice echoes in Griphooks ears. _I get it now: 2 bad dog cops, and a gimp cop. Gotcha. My man!_

"So yeah. Erm, where was I? Yes, so, my lack of emotion sickness is perfect for the position of junior Dragon Wrangler, bec-" He talked over-

"I love watching an abortion in Vault 73." The voice groaned, like it was having the time of its life.

"We'll have to cut this interview short. Probably one of the Dwarf L **o** rd's **old** **phylacteries** playing up." Ragnok sighed, and rolled his eyes, cutting off Griphook.

"Wait!" Griphook implored. _I really need this job. Another little bundle of joy is on the way. **"Myman!"**_

Ragnok and Bill made to stand. Griphook stood as well, **copying them.**

Ragnok and Bill ran to the door, and Griphook followed them.

"So good so nice." The voice said, as if through a zip.

"Get me the head Dragon-wrangler!" Ragnok snapped, to one of the guards outside the door, in Gobeldygook: Bloodspear.

"Erm, boss, he's erm, home **sick.** " Bloodspear covered for his Crack-addicted friend. _I kept telling the guy to not chase that dragon. Now he's hooked, and chasing imaginary **dragons. My man!**_

"Then get us the lead curse-breaker!" Bill Weasley commanded.

"Erm, he's-" Bloodspear.

"Let me guess, home sick, as well?" Ragnok drawled. _My man **!** If you are t **oo goblnz** to pay for an upgrade, **5** 0 splorks, go. _**_Gone! 111._**

"I love it when the little green things dig inside me." The voice rang out from **the office.** _Her **!** Her **!** put the grub on ya cock._

"Is there anyone in, Curse Breaking, or Wrangling, who isn't strung out on Crack **?** " Ragnok implored.

"So good so nice." The voice uttered, muffled.

"Erm no they all just have. Erm. A Goblin cold?" Bloodspear tried.

"I love it when they take the rocks and count them." The voice dripped like the beat of Bloodspear's heart. _Lol! Great save!_

"I can do it!" Griphook shouted.

They all looked at Griphook.

 **"I guess it'll be on-the-interview training.** " Bill Weasley trailed off. _My man! **You have THACH0 minus 2, haha! Eigensnarchkzz! B(101).**_

"It's like when I watched that abortion." The voice ground out, as Ragnok sighed: "Okay! Alright! I guess Bill and Griphook will have to do."

"So good so nice. **Eight!** " The voice punctured the long silence, in a snappish tone at the end.

"Fuck, it's counting down!" **Bill. will roast. R(101), my faithful toaster.**

They all run to the front of the now-closed **bank.**

They proceed to where the carts are **held.**

Bill raises his wand, and a Clanger zooms **into Griphook's hand.**

The voice gets deeper: **"Seven Dwarf Lords in our halls of Stone, doomed to die."**

The group hasten to an empty cart. They enter it. **Griphook snaps his fingers.** They zoom off.

 **"Six Pillars crack. The Tree burns."** The cart picks up more speed.

"Five golden rings. So good so nice. I love it when the little green things smelt things in their foundry. So hot so nice" Goblin Inside Me croaks in pleasure, as the cart races past **Vault 616. Mine!...**

 **"Four horse-men. The Fowl, The Fey, The Fair."** The cart bursts through the icy Thief's Downfall. "Fuck!" shouts Bill. _The Dwarf Lords are really at it, aren't they?_.

_Yup, de grub is on de hook **.** **-** TrollUbermench_

**"Three Elements. Shattermaw. Frosthowl. Fiendfyre.** " They race past hundreds of red-eyed Gargoyles, breaking their stone coverings. _Shit! A Dwarf rebellion._ Ragnok thinks.

 **"Two worlds. Hell. The Empire."** Griphook thinks: _Doesn't sound like a normal Dwarf rebellion. Sounds much worse._

**"One Mad God. Our Puppet. Our Nightmare."**

"Zero. Just like my main shaft looks like after the **lovely Eye Man** **finished his lovely work.** So g **oo** d so nice **."** **GIM** rang out, as they got to **Vault 73.{^^ .}**

_-TrollUbermench **[Execute]**_

* * *

Diogenes sat with his fellow Philosophers, around a table. He sipped the wine. _Fine shit this._

At the head of the table, The Philosopher King. Marcus Auelius. _Pompous cunt._

The table itself? _Plato. I guess he's a plane old table now._ He stood, during the lecture, given by the head of the table.

"What are you doing, you unrespecting cur?" Stated Stalin.

 _Twatskie._ Diogenes' tummy rumbled. "Gonna take a shit." He stated. _Might find a bit of pottery._

* * *

Normandy June 6, 1944, D-Day.

"Bring the boys back home!" Shouted the Minister Jon, over the noise of the engines.

The paratroopers are lined up, next to the red exit light. It cast its light, lighthouse like, on the soldiers' grim faces.

 **"Don't leave their children on their own! No! No!-"** The minister continued his prayer to be cut off by **-**

**BANG!**

An Explosion outside the plane **boom** s. A piece of molten flak punctures **a hole** in the plane **.** Lieutenant Ryan's **skull shatters in a shower of red.**

The men are shocked **.Bzz**

"He is with The Lord now. " The minister mutters, and closes his eyes. "By the end of this War, the living will envy the dead." _My Sister is in one of the camps. Where were you, God? Leaving the sheep to get slaughtered._ Jon Tobias Snape thought bitterly.

The exit light turns green.

**{Preparation Time Calibrated.}{Eight}{Four}{Two}{Dancing Queen..}{Escc}**

* * *

Ron sat in the Gryffindor Common Room, at night, playing a game of chess with Dean Thomas. Lavender Brown watches with her sepia toned eyes. _Wow, Ron is really good at this. Dean is amazing at Chess._ _He gives my dad a run for his money, and he used to be the chess champion of England._ Lavender blushed. The slight red tinge unnoticeable on her black skin.

"White Bishop takes Black Knight. Check." Dean.

**"Black Queen takes White Bishop. Checkmate in two moves." Ron stated.**

Dean scanned the board for a long moment **.**

Then everyone watching the game jumped **.**

They heard a thousand ghostly voices **cry:**

"Oh, the men will cheer the boys will shout

The ladies they will all turn out," from the grounds.

The chess game forgotten, the students in the Common Room scrambled to the windows.

They saw thousands of ghosts emerging from The Forbidden Forest, they were facing-

"Dementors?" Percy asked, perplexed.

No one saw the red eyes on the Dharklings **.Attack site alpha**

They watched the ghostly troops.

"What are they holding?" Asked Percy.

 **"Muskets!"** Colin Creev _ **p**_ y shouted excitedly. The wizard born and a few of the muggleborn started muttering.

"And we'll all feel gay!" The ghost army continued their song. The musket ghosts had formed ranks.

Some of the muggleborn started tittering. " Haha!" Shouted Dean.

"What are you lot giggling about?" Professor McGonagall asked sleepily, from the portrait hole. She strode over to the window and then-

**"Oh! My!"**

The castle shook **.**

* * *

Approximately one year ago.

Salazar's Basilisk, a female snake lay dying.

She hears dark whispers:

_**The Ouroboros serves her purpose.** _ _**The Maw claims its Mason.** _

_**The Black King is sacrificed.** _ _**The Ouroboros wakes up.** _

She slowly closes her eyes, savouring her first and last moment of freedom.

_Over. Want it over._

_Nothing. I want to be nothing._

_Mother please._

**_Khronostopheles. 8888-99999 my Kaledoscopik Sun glasses see your sins, you will be eatenalive..._ **

She gives a long sad sigh. Her heart stops.

For a beautiful moment, **she is** nothing. in **F(.1.0.1.){Set Trap}{**

For a sweet blink, it's over.

A phoenix cries on Harry's wound. Her dagger fang is in his hand. His eyes dart to Tom's diary. _Ginny! **I have to stab** The Diary. __**The Little Red Book**._

* * *

Bluebell stood on Hermione's sweaty brow, and did her magic.

Harry felt like he would never be warm again. He felt hungry.

They find the Dark Tree on **Tuesday-** plane, guided by **Bluebell. Bomb goes the Japanese Weasel.**

* * *

The iron bones of **Napoleon rolled the dice, _I need to capture Great Britain, The Key was always there, after all._** He creaked.

Napoleon was playing a game of Risk with the ghost of Stalin, and The Locket in a green basin.

Napoleon's cold blue Dice Eyes glinted. They showed double sixes. _**Yes. Parfait Nelson**._ The Greatest General in History thought.

"Ah, yes, an intevesting tactik, **Mr Bonapar'."** Stalin stated. - **{** { **{** { **{** { Kadavergeist Prime} **}** } **}** } **}. The moment of singularity. Sin OOOOOOOOOOO{}{**

Stalin continued, "intevesting tactik, to com through ve Ukran to Ve Mother Land." Stalin rolled a **6** and a 5, with t **wo** bo **n** e-black d **ice.**

"Vone for ve Kulak, ven?" He stated. **"Yis, ve vinter in Russia is harsh to the counter-revolutionaries."**

Napoleons Dice Eyes still showed double **6's. I am the hub of all life.**

Regulus black travelled on a small boat, with Kreature **.** **They glanced at each other.** _The defences around The Dark Lord's **only Horcrux** look tough **.**_ Regulus thought.

 _Finally, it's my turn, for what **good** it'll do with that damn **French Dwarf.**_ The locket stared at his only possession on the Risk board: Ukraine. He had 3 Risk pieces to put on his remaining territory. He heard waves lapping on the edge of the platform holding his physical form. "Is there anybody out there?"

 ** _Just the corpses again_** he decided, after a while. He rolled a 2 and a 1 against **Stalin.** He rolled a **4** and a 5. Leaving the locket with.

"Eight! Fuck, man." The Locket eyed Central Europe, to the left of Ukraine.

"Oh, look, a regular and dark looking fellow is coming. Maybe he'll get me out of this **game?"**

 **"Nice try, he who cries zhe volf."** Said Mirror Ghand **i.**

_**Super weird dude.** Only one yin yang ball **{.}** {Execute[Breeding **]}-**_

"Ven ve continue? **Zhe whole Verld does not revolve around you."**

"In The Motherland, wolves are eaten. **Here, wolves eat you."**

Regulus cannot believe his luck.

_We're really going to get away with this?_

They are crouched in the boat. Well, an upside down boat.

 **{Kreature was quite insistent.}{Label}{Pidgin}{Planned Obselecens }{$$$$$$$}{X}{** - **E(X0)-} nasty paracitic cancer. (Boo-**

 _It would not do well to show them bad manners. To show impropriety to a house? That's incredibly deep man._ His bloody eye darted over the edge of the boat. He has an eyepatch on the other eye. He wears a dark Black trench coat.

"I saw some Real numbers, dude." **He giggled** to Kreature. **"Awkward silence."** _Boo! Not cool!_

 **The Lock** et in the basin felt the most amazing feeling. It was like he was a green plant. But each of his Five leaves, also had 5 leaves. _Wow man, that is deep. Oh look, some balls are in between my fingers. They are Cyan, Ruby, and Amber. There's obviously one missing. You don't start counting from Cyan, if there isn't **a-**_

"Shit's getting complicated. Dude. Just Four colours. Keep it simple, man."

_But clearl **y-**_

"Nah, Dog, I got ya man. Dog eat dog world, you know?"

_They ate her **?**_

There was a long awkward silence.

Stalin and Mirror Ghandi, are frozen with impropriety.

Napoleon looks to the German visage of Ghandi. _Name of a Slave. Atleast, if the **pyramid** isn't **upside down**._

Napoleon unintentionally catches Regulus eye, as his gaze flicked to Stalin's frozen icy ones **.** _ **So** similar to **my own eyes.**_

His eyes showed **2** Threes. Small motes of violet light escape, from it **'s icy Black surface.**

* * *

"There's this like." Nick paused. "Where was I?" He Puffed on Puff. His legs are in the lotus position. On a yin yang cushion. His Turban is askew.

"I think it's that **PePe Pig Troll** story again." Regulus can see a Kaleidoscope of colour. _Really tripping balls here Granpa._

_**"I see only darkness before me"** He whispers. _ **"Adore Elune."**

"You see, the Trolls turn to Truesilver in her ligh'." **O** ld Granpa Nick **quacked.** _What was that **?**_

"Erm." He saw an Amber Eye flash in the fractal ice, **which scaffolded the Kaleidoscope strictly;** **and with the utmost propriety.** _A sun that always shines? (Apostacy **!** )_

He then saw. **The Crux. Thousands of frogs, making numbers** _ **.** Literally. Like dude, not cool! Boo! What did he say! Some non-white person just jumped down and like, said 'I am gay!' And then I was like, "That's actually really homophobik mate." Then he gets all sad. "They only just let me out the cupboard. Nyman?" So rude! Doesn't he have Brown Privillage? Her! **Her**! Put de grub on ya cock, **Sun. {-i}{A}{C}{B}** \- Scr **9bbed**_

* * *

'Mirror Nick' wakes up.

He sees Nick disappear. The Philosopher's Stone pops out of his mirror. _Clock is a rock._ His eyes dart to the mirror-

To see.

Himself, with glowing green eyes, and thickly cello taped motor **bkik-** glasses. _Green eyes **? mind mines everyone, this was the 334's of one. I am forgetting-something.**_

_Why?_

_My sacrifice **is necessary**?_

_Why did he give me }{is phylactery, then **?**_

**_What could that mean?_ **

_Mirror-me is weird. He's mad! I'm a man of Science! **He just chases his dreams.**_ _First we make our choices. **Then our choices make us.**_ His electric blue eyes buzz.

His eyes dart to his desk drawer, he hears his Time Turner ticking. _No dream lady to make that happen. Just hard work, he's so lazy, and drunk all the time._ **He eyes a box of Snuff Powder.** _No, sufficiently numbed._

He stands. His reflection shows himself, as always, in the silvery surface: an old man with Mercury frizzy hair, and a large bald patch. He looks into The Philosopher's Stone. There is a glowing red _Lemniscate_ on it. _Odd, I thought it was a wave before? Now it's a figure eight? Infinity? It's very dark, outside the light of Lemniscates. Lol, I bet I just plug him in, and everything is fine, no need for limits. The only thing that matters are fluxions, precious, precious fluxions. Ahem- Eigenzsplorx! **{M}{I}{RR}{What a longwinded Explanation.}{R}.{Chink in armour locketed}{ii}{!}{0}**_

He glances to his desk again, he sees his bedtime reading: a book by Niccolò Machiavelli: 'The Last of The Five: **{Censored BBWR(***)}**. It was an autobiography of Marcus Aurelius, the Philosopher King of the Roman Empire, and the last of the **good** rulers of **Rome. {-}{Unseen Raj}{_}{*8*?}**

The book is open, describing a complicated arithmantic equation. _Yep, life's unfair._

 **No** , really. The equation really described why life is unfair. _The Sum of Utility = 0 in a closed system. Karma is the derivative of Utility. Karma always bites one in the ass, when U isn't 0. The 0 is an itch in the mind._ He buzzed.

 _Niccolò was always such a prankster, rather like Nick in the mirror was._ No need for that attitude. He eyed his Study Schedule. He loved his blue little book. He looked at the watch embedded in it. Casio, don't you know? **Blue Hyper Giant of a WASP. The Eternal Karen calls the cops for the last time.**

That Old Nick would come up with a special handshake? _That, cool thing with the hands on the bottle? It's like we shook hands through the mirror. It's like that awesome time I shook his hand when he was born, lol._ Oh okay.

Oh, wow. Tony just sent me a cup. It has a red sad face on it. _Poor Tony. He tries so hard. He had a seizure. We had to._ His mind buzzed again. He eyes His Snuff Box. _No._

 **I deserve it _._** _Marcus thinks._

_He smashes The Snuff Box. He sees nightmares._

_" **The** Mason Chitles his tablet" Marcus says in a low childlike monotone._

_**Mirror Nexus looks on in horror**._

_" **Eye** s **will** fully stares boreholes into Eluna and Terra."_

_"They **eat** the Air." Marcus continues._

_No. They don't want me to._ **His electric blue eyes bounced** , as the Eventuality of his gazing into the mirror, is rendered logically impossible.

Two red zeroes, are his eyes. His nose and eyes looked like R(010).

Then the blue bead stayed fixed, a difficult task; without the bead wobbling. He is B(101).

His cobalt pinprick eyes widen in wonder. He sees a red present. From Old Saint Nick. Grandpa! G(111).

The room involuted.

The Box is in front of him. On a literal yellow brick road.

_Love this desk. It looks like a Ziegen Smlarch on the walls!_

_Oh, you don't speak Gnome? Just me?_

_Oh. Right, erm, just the atoms of a Regular distribution? Nope, the normal fluxion? I'm losing track. Yes! A yellow bumpy track now. Oh she changed. Just a wave. **Trivial.** It's even in a box now._

_It's snowing outside! Oh, that's nice! A golden cage? Never seen something so sparkly._ He touches his finger to one of the bars. He buzzes with electricity, **he feels nothing. JD!**

A lab technician zooms to the cage in reverse, she unplugs the cage. She steps up on a stepladder. _**No!** There's still hope mum._

One red Lemniscate, are his eyes. His nose and eyes looked like R(101). **_They're coming for me._** B(010). Up there! He is B(101). I am **B(111).**

B(111) takes R(1-1). R(000) runs away.

B(111) devours R(111), he becomes P(111).

P(111) and

G(111) are in beds.

G(111): "Stay in the fucking tank, Albus. ¬. Body. Soul." There is a cigarette burn as the first entry.

_What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_

* * *

Giaa filed her nails. Tacky things. _Oh to be young again._ Her eyes dart to Tom in her bed. _Very tasty. Think I'll have him now._

She looks to a postcard her favourite child sent her: a lovingly cello-taped and painstakingly repainted shattered limegreen teapot. Tony was a simple fellow. **He always found things that others forgot.**

Giaa's house in The World Tree: that's **3** rights past Andromeda, then, erm, **drown yourself in a sea of** stars, if you find a bit of **pottery,** you've gone too far.

**Also what is seen cannot be unseen.**

Tom wakes up. He opens his three Amber eyes.

He sees a noose above him. It hung like The yin yang Ball of Damocles.

He looks to a creaking rocking chair.

What is seen cannot be unseen.


	4. Apocalypse Now.

Pssst. I heard ya wanted passage to the Mirror Verse? 13 Splorks. No refunds. No White Knights. No twats! Twat! Twat! Twat! Pottery making twats!

-FLAMTHAC0.

* * *

Chapter Four. First they came for Them. Serenity Now **-"**

* * *

"Zero" Nick ground out. Then he saw what only the blind see.

"I see.

Only darkness.

Before me." Gasped Old Nick, His blade ran through his heart. His Muse had his head in her arms.

The blood washed The Blade.

He watched a drawing of Him on the mirror-like surface of blade. He stood next to a young man.

"You speak of conscience, Harry?

What would you have done?

Burn Forever? Ah there it is," He pointed to a swirling vortex at His finger.

"Harry, The Abyss is forever hungry, like a plot hole." He eyed The Vortex.

"Sacrifice Everything? Everyone you love? Everything?" His face turned away, looking at an old friend.

"Come Harry, this dead world, is not so bad." He continued. "After all, compared to The Abyss."

"An eternal Sunday, well. Not even close.

Come in, Ma will make you a cuppa."

"Ya Pa Bee!" Buzzed. _What is seen cannot be unseen._

The tip of the blade dripped acid into his heart.

_His last throw._ The Sword stood at the cusp of singularity.

"I'm sorry!" He shouted. He plunges The Blade into his Clock Heart.

He sees the Face of The Muse. High above, watching his torment. For a moment, she seems unhappy.

* * *

Then the air ripples blue, and he is above a flaming vortex. He fell.

He watches The Muses laughing down on him from the sky. Their angelic voices, timbered with a dark bark. _The Drow._

He hits the Event Horizon. He sees a cloud of angry red wasps converge on him. _The Goblins._ He swore he paid that gas will.

He burns on the hammers of white hot fire. Relentless Agony. _The Dwarves._

He, has no mouth, and he must scream. _The Slaves. Me first._

Further, he falls into unending suffering. _Oh God! A Trap!_

And further still he fell.

Then, the worst punishment.

The Truth.

He silently screams.

The name of The Hypocrisy, dripped out in blue Amber.

**_AHHHHHHHH! HAHAAA!_ ** **_HAHAAA!_ **

* * *

Kel'Faust stepped onto the Titan's corpse. He pierced it with His Pike.

He looked into the Titan's sightless Red Eyes. _Unworthy._

"Disqualified!" There is the sound of a pin dropping. A small splat sounds.

The two red eyes merged. The Helmet of Mercury melted. But before it did-

"Boo! Not cool!" The crowd chanted. Watching Red Mercury spill out of The Titan.

Kel'Faust gazed into The All Seeing Eye. He blinked.

**"We."** He begins His Dark Prophecy. **"Are Everywhere."**

The Crowd cheered as loud as the grave.

Kel'Faust grinned in Triumph. A mad Bone Fides grin.

* * *

Mercury tampons. Yay they ex0st now.

"My man!"

-Flamco

* * *

"This just in, Sevvy, we have a stunning season finale of 'How The Hell Did I Get Where?' What are your thoughts?" Lily asked.

Sev, paused. _But, if she's only just heard about it, how am I supposed to say anything? Why do women ask me such silly questions. My man!_ Severus Snape felt sweat on his brow. His red-blue eyes danced.

"That is remarkably profound." Said Lily Evans, gazing at him in wonder.

_What? It's like she doesn't know I'm just a dancing, smokey monkey. An Actor. My man! What is this travesty?_ He gave Lily a mixed look, through his motorcycle goggles. _Why did I ever- My man!_

Lily's smile beamed at him.

He looked above her head, he saw them, the pictures on his first work and true love. Space Oddity. He gazed in wonder _. They only sold 344 copies of it. Even then, I couldn't find a copy. My man! Only darkness._

He eyed her, _why did I never see this lady before?_ He heard a cat mew. _Before me._

**_Oh, right. The cats?_** Still, he'll indulge her. **At least the food is free.** _She seems nice, maybe I'll get to have kids-_

BANG! **_{KGPJD}{iii}{!}{O}{Goblin {Cesored}}{Cage}{Key/. go Boom! FALCON-_**

The Knight's Tank-Bus took an ill fated shortcut through the Sixth Dimension of Blenders.

Ern slumped over, next to the clean bones of Stan. He looked into the bones. _Aye, Ms Tiggywinkle **is very cross.** You never drop the act. Never. Ms Tiggywiggle could skin a cat anyway ya liked. You mug!_

"Ey, ain't chu 'arry Potter's mum?" He asked the stunned Lily.

But she's too busy, eyeing the Snape on the roof. _Oh, he looks so hopeless. So Manly. Covered in **cellotape,** and there is a **fork** there._

The Monkey Snape under the bus is quickly forgotten. But after all, **never** forgiven.

"Erm, chu gonna pay 'is **Fair**?" Ern.

"Chu don't get bus conductors on the roof!" Lily.

Then the bus involuted. Swapping her insides, for her outsides. And very precisely in that order.

The blue nuclear centre of the bus was really a blue sphere now. Tank Engine. _"Father!"_

The red sphere, now, he's inside the reverse Omnibus. Just a red ball. Thomas Fawks Esquire The First. _No King rules forever, my Sun._

* * *

The Muse cries, her tears dripping on Nick's frozen face. Streaming.

She stands. The Soul Blade in her hand. _My little man!_

_Our last throw. My Entagled Pig Dude._ She ignites The Iron Bones of Napoleon and in the sword's eyes, are Die.

The Cold Bone Dice of Fate. Leniscates Tears.

Green fire bolts flash in the surface of the blade. The blade itself stands as thin as air.

It is sharper than any 'sharpest.

A Thought Child's Weapon.

* * *

Mr and Mrs Dursley are sitting on the sofa together, and watch the 9 o'clock news.

"It is Friday, the Sixth of June" The newsreader announces.

"Our leading story today." The Announcer shuffles his papers importantly.

"The **P** ollbeck Hall Hotel, in Scarborough, continues it's collapse into the sea; after a landslide on Thursday."

"The **Prime Minister{Kinsley = BK.- Confirmed.?}** is expected to announce, a fall in joblessness, on the Prime Minister's Questions; on the Thursday 17th of June."{you toil in the fields of suffering, You see a Mothers Pearl.}

"And Bless. Tony the Archaeologist finds a bit of pottery."

However, Vernon and Petunia aren't listening to the news. They are arguing over a game of Risk, they just had with Mr Leslie Bonaparte, an owner of a building company; looking to procure a large shipment of drills. Well, 'arguing' was the wrong word, really, it was just Vernon giving a, long-winded, and boring, blow-by-blow of the game they just had; to Petunia.

"So, I rolled a 6, a 4, and a **1,** and then you'll never guess what happened." Said Vernon, in an excited whisper. _I love Risk. Really sorts the men from the boys._ He eyed his favourite thing in the room. 2 icey blue glass Defense Dice. 3 crimson attack dice. _Used to love playing D &D, Pet, and what with her. Erm, mummy issues. _He eyed his wife.

"And then, another quite interesting thing happened!" Vernon continued. He looked at his wife. She was watching the news. His eyes dart to the Telly.

_Just some some silly prank._ His beady eyes lock on Petunia, in an accusatory fusion. He opens his mouth and says: "aren't you listening?"

**"Oh yes, darling, quite."** Petunia yawns. All this talk of Risk was making her sleepy.

"You weren't, were you?" Vernon starts ranting: "But I never got to the interesting par-".

Petunia cuts him off, sarcastically: **"Oh. Did Mr Bonaparte roll a 3 and a 4?"**

Vernon gets red in the face. "You. Weren't. Listening." He whispers, trying to keep his temper in check **-**

"If you were listening **!**

Then you'd know!

That **_I_** rolled a 5 and a 1!" He ranted.

Then!

Mr Bonaparte!

Rolled a 4!

And a 3!" He paused as his wife gave him a strange look. _Oh wait. She was listening. And she's giving me 'that look'. Think I might be 'On' tonight!_

_We skip past the horrible sex scene, because._ _Who wants to watch an old walrus have sex with a pelican?_ _Me! That's who!_ The Negotiator sits behind a wall he bricked-up long ago. Watching and listening through a small hole. And 'drooling'.

Petunia was sleeping in the nook of Vernon's arm. _She looks like she's resolved some issues._ Vernon took another puff on his cigarette. He then puts **it** out in an ash tray on his bedside table. _Time for bed._ He cuddles up to Petunia to sleep. He starts snoring soon after **.**

The Negotiator slowly unbricks the wall, in time to Vernon's **snores**. He clambers out of the hole. He slowly rebricks the wall, using sticky-'tape'. He walks past the **end** of the bed. He pauses.

_A memento for my arrival on **Earth**? _He creeps back over to the hole, and Petunia **'** s side of the bed. He takes out a polaroid camera from his suitcase of greed. He inches the bedsheet down, he snaps a picture of **Petunia.** He creeps back to the end of the bed. He sneaks out the door.

He sees three doors. One has a cat-flap on it. The other two are ordinary doors, one to a bathroom.

He creeps downstairs, he hears the sound of **plasma-rifles and screaming** , coming from the living room television. He also hears a teenager ' **woop** ing' about some 'amazing graphics!'

He sneaks past a **cupboard** under the stairs. He **alights** in a kitchen with an open fridge-freezer. He looks to his right, and sees a half-finished **game of** **Risk** on a dining room table.

Risk _always 'loved' it, when **I** rearranged the pieces. Hehe._ **He** steps over to the board. **He** clears the table of the Risk pieces.

He rearranges the pieces, so all Vernon's yellow pieces are in: Brazil, Eastern United States, China, Great Britain and Eastern Australia. Then he puts all the other pieces in random places. _Got to have a patsy for a troll. Who-_

His empty eyes **move** to Dudley sitting in front of the telly, watching the news:

"Wow! Those Termi **nators** look so real **!** " He's absentmindedly munching on chocolate **i** ce cream. "Yum! Yum! Chocolate is my favourite!"

"Woooh oh. Yay. I'm just a dream." The Negotiator says.

Dudley whirls around. **Like a Violet Wighthouse.**

"Oh!

What a great dream!

I have Slender Man from the **X** -files in it too!" He turns and continues watching the **news.**

The Negotiator goes to sit on the sofa next to Dudley, silently. He's sitting on a **shattered** teacup.

"Wow!

This is the coolest dream ever, Slender Man!

I loved Terminator **2!**

Why are they **green** , Slender Man **?**

I want **!**

Real **!**

Terminators **!** " Dudley tantrums.

The Negotiator paused. _Forever **?**_

Then, said, in a low sad tone: "We all **want** **things** , my Pig Dude **."**

The News cuts to **static**. _I guess that's **my** cue. Never got to **troll** the pig-man. Never did get to say sorry._

"It's time to collect The **Package** from Hogwarts." The Negotiator sighed. He put on a pair of **dark** sunglasses. He places his fingers in his **ears**.

"Isn't that where Harry goes to school **?** " The Negotiator hears Dudley ask, **muffled.**

Dudley is distracted by the **static**. "Why is the **TV** broken in my **dream!**

Slender Man!

**Fix it!**

Now **-** " Dudley **cut** off. _What is seen cannot be unseen. The **pott** er's rule._

* * *

London, and the Dursley's House are vaporised in a blinding flash of light. His eyes drool.

The Negotiator stood up. He whistled at the massive crater. He takes his fingers out of his ears. _Barely One Percent._

He dusts off his suit, and places his shades into his front pocket. He watches a photograph of a triangle flutter away. _He really did it._

The green skeleton of Dudley lay at his feet. _I'm sorry._

He walks.

* * *

Behind him, in a Pidgin Leister Square, the green skeleton of **Father** Christmas **rises**.

_oH_

_oH_

_oH_

_Santa is going to have to **knick** som **e** names, ki **d** s!_

**_Ho_ **

_Ho_

_Ho_

_Santa 'az a machinegon!_

_You **mug!**_

* * *

**"F(N(X)) = N(X)"** The tannoy bubbled out, Pidgin, a scholarly lady, sat slumped behind her desk.

"How could they promote Pacman over me?" She hissed.

She clambered up. _Head Consultant? Corporate merger?_

Her headache rang, she was hungover. _As fuck, bitches._

Hungover on a Friday evening. _FUCKING Lead Negotiator!_

**"G(0)N(C)) = N(X)"** The tannoy bubbled out again.

"You know what!

Go fuck yourself!" She screamed at the tannoy.

"So long, as that's, like, cool in your culture." She added lamely after. _Have to say the prayers._

_Her! Her! Day put the grub on its-_

* * *

The Negotiator **walked.**

He sighed, he reached into his inner suit pocket; fingering the pack of cigarettes: his only inheritance from his father. He fishes out one of the cigarettes. He pops the-

" **Fag.** " He said as quietly as he could, with the cigarette, his **mouth.** Motor bike handlebars formed as his Shades.

_Might be some Autistors watching, and they're probably American. So they're_ like _too stupid to know. That 'fag' is actually real-English for cigarette. So, how, homophobic are you right now **?**_ He took a long puff **.**

_That usually works on them. Very easy to control. Control **Freaks** never look up. A gimp on the ceiling sees all **unseen** , after all._

He watches **the** end light up in **red** at his father's spell. _Very patriotic of me. Number **One.**_

The end of the cigarette flared out blue stripes. _The Flag of The Empir_ e. A red, blue; Yin, Yang; **Sun** : **shining** red and blue stripes. _The Roman **Empire** never fell. The British Empire never fell, it was never born. The American Empire was never born. __But, if you have the proper perspective,_ _then **The Unborn**_ ** _Empires_** _are dreams, and quite frankly, a Pack of Lies **.**_

_They are The Father's Unfulfilled Dreams **.**_

**_Bitter Dreams._ ** _**Nightmares,** of dystopia itself **.**_

_Their brainlessness, making them as children to a snake_ **_.)_ come little Black wolf_ **

_**She is the snake who eats her tail.** She is the snake who is **infinitely** punished, for **just** this crime._

_It is the **Sin** without forgiveness in their religion. This 'sin' is, naturally, self-punishing. Once a snake **bi** tes it's tail, then, how can it stop?_

_It will Always devour itself._

_As creatures above the plane of time, once they start eating themselves, then really; they're **always** burning away. . **{The Standarised candels}{Tony...}**_

_Oh, but the Ouroboros were **beautiful** , snaking in the sky with us, their friends. The **Eldar.** Seeing the Turions build on the ground, so far below **.**_

The smoke from the cigarette snaked out. _**I** f you looked at **the eye** s down their spine, you'd see time itself end. You would definitely know when teatime was._

_Useful little guys._

_Casio, 'Don't You Know?' Snek, oh what a wonderful little watch **.Eight...**_

Light beamed out of the **smoky** Ouroboros' **blue** eyes. _Perhaps, **infinitely** many such cyan dots._

_We tried to count them once. Then we just said that we could count them in theory, and shoved the problem into a box: labelled **8{Cantor's Mad Monkey Dust Dream}8.**_

_We let that dude go crazy, like, eat and throw your poo, crazy._

_I think I got him to breakdance in his own shit once?_

**The smoke from the cigarette snakes into a tail-spin, there is a hole in the smoke.**

In this hole, an image of Hogwarts expands. It starts as barely perceptible. It expands in the circle. The circle of smoke itself expands. The edge of the smoke is a **snake.** _**The Astral Ouroboros.**_

The Astral Ouroboros glowed **.**

* * *

"Seven!" Napoleon snaps, he trots through the red portal; showing an image of Trafalgar Square **.** He wears a brown leather trench coat **over** his shoulders, his arms are behind his back. He is flanked by **6** body guards, with **black** **sun** gla **ss** e **s** , and sharply pinstriped suits **.**

He alights on the Earth side of the portal **.** He takes a deep breath, of the air **the slaves** will one day breath **.**

"Minus one." **He** breathes **out** electri **f** ied **air. P{Censored.}**

Still thick with ozone from The Gaze **.**

"Home." He sighs. It had been so long. His body **guards** stand to attention.

The statue of Admiral Nelson, on his column, creaks. The karen pigeons scatter in fright.

Napoleon's **red** Dice **Eyes** show double **66.** They glance up at his enemy's statue: covered in pigeon shit. _A **land** fit for heroes, eh?_

The statue **animate** s. Nelson turns his head to look down at Napoleon. **Nelson'** s sword bursts into flames, green **fire.**

He raises the **sword** , and points it at Napoleon.

The clutter of pigeons gave an unearthly Schreck **!** Like the cry of angels. They elongated, morphing into thousands of Seraphim **.**

Male and female **.** Thousands of divine warriors **.**

They float in the sky **.** Pointing their spears of unicorn horns, at Napoleon

They are on the ground **.** Pointing their Patronus-white swords, at Napoleon **.**

Napoleon's Crimson Die eyes remain constant **.** Double Sixes **.**

* * *

Normandy Beach, morning, June **6** th 1 **99** 3

"It was here, at Normandy beach **two battles** were fought" Tony **The Archaeologist** muttered into his camera. In the background of his video, a **Black** American family.

An an **American** father and daughter, are enjoying their holyday. The **Father** **spying** a glance at a weirdo with a video camera, in a **sand** y **ditch.**

"Why so **sad?** " Joe Ryan asks his 10 year old daughter, A **lice.**

" **Really** interesting fact about The Normandy-" Tony **.**

"Daddy!

**Blood!** " She sobs out. Closing her eyes at the horrors of war **.**

Tony looks out of his trench. "Oh wow **!** Look at all the people **!** " He giggles **.** "Oh wow **!** **I** found another bit of **pottery!** It's **Green**!"

Joe looks confusedly down at his daughter. _There was nothing **.**_ Just crowds of holiday makers enjoying the sun. _And what I'm expecting is a pedofile. What's with white folk and pedos **-**_

**Joe** then remembers, his daughter talking to the ghost of her grandfather **;** Lieutenant Ryan **.** Joe Senior **.** _She was always **away with the** _**_fairies._**

"Oh, no, just jade **.** I really wanted to find a green painted cup **.** " Tony brushed away at the shattered jade teacup **.**

**The Widow** er **,** bends down, and collects his daughter in his arms **.**

"It's so lovely and sunny here **.** So calm **.** " Joe whispers in her ear **.** _She misses her **mother.**_

**She opens her eyes** again, and **then** quickly shuts them, with a "Stop **!** ". She saw **a man get** hi **s** guts **shot out** down on the beach **.**

Joe looks down into his daughter's brown face, tears leak out of her shut eyes **.** _I'm so terrible at this **.** Denise would know what to do **-**_

_Wait a minute, is it that white boy pedo **?**_ He doesn't see the strange white dude. Just sounds of sand and excited whispers. "Yes! Yes! So much pottery **!** " _Er?_

"Look **!** An airTony **!** " Joe points to the **sky.** _She's always loved those._

His daughter followed his finger, then **her eyes darted** to see a ghostly airplane. She trailed something **with her eyes.**

"Granpa is here." The ghost of Lieutenant Ryan said, simply **.** _**The Lords** are warring._

"Oh wow **!** They've found another bit of pottery **!** " Said Tony, The **Archaeologist** , in the background **.**

* * *

Dumbledore wakes up in his office. His head aches horribly **.**

_A lighthouse **?**_ He cracks one eye open **.** Amber flooded his vision **.** **He closes his eyes** quickly **.**

He hears a creaking, winding sound **.** The Amber Spyglass is spinning **.** He reaches the saucer on the desk **.** _It's shattered **.**_ Albus allowed himself a moment of **Triumph.**

* * *

Then he is transfixed, at a glass screen **.**

He opens his eyes **.** **Father** Ghost was there **.** He stood at a cauldron. There is a **Pig on an iron spit.** This swine has a black **20** sided dice in it's mouth. Albus looked into The Father's eyes **.** _No **.**_

**"No king rules forever. My Sun."** _Please **.**_

(Father!) Fawks cries. _No **!** Me **!** Do it to me **!** Please **! ***{Claws}{{Gar;ic}}{Censure}{ }8880**_

Dumbledore pounds the glass cage **.** _It should have hit me **!**_

"Nordrassil." The Father looks into Dumbledore's eyes **.** _**O** h G **o** d **.**_

"Jun Ashar **i** "

(I see only)

"Elune, Terra." The Father.

* * *

Peeves pink knickers rise.

Albus stares at them.

The holes in the knickers mend themselves **.** There is a flash of light. It's a pink sphere now. There is a flash of light.

A violet brain **?** _What **?** -l33tTrollzVooFooDoll_

There is an iron stove, and a teapot. _Seriously **?** **-** PrimeTrolz_

There is a golden chain coming from the oven. _Boo! Not Cool! **We're** just the Symptom my man! **-88** scate_

Grandfather Dumbledore is most pleased. "Now, suck my cock. You Damned Virgin."

_What?_ Dumbledore.

**The.**

B(111):-Achtually-

* * *

Diogenes woke up. _Gotta, hang on._

_Oh, Plato was being boring and wrong. Oh, right, that's why my balls are itching. Have to get the grandkids presence again **.**_

Plato is lecturing to a hall, packed with philosophers; from all over the known world **.** _The feathers are so pin-pricky. I'm red all over, like I'm having a period in every p **_** re. ********$$$${plot hole exploit}{Puppet}**_

"As you can see, a human is clearly defined as a featherless biped-" he is cut off by:

"Haha! Hic!-" Shrieks Diogenes, from the top of the stairs **.**

He is **hel** d **.**

A wriggling, and **d** ucking bag.

He meanders drunkenly down the steps.

He takes a look at one of the **philosophers** for a moment, at the end of the tunnel **.**

"Cor! Look, at the creepy blue eyesh on that dude! High **-** " He continues down the steps, swaying to and fro.

His **hand** yanks him out the bag a little. A hand **s** hake.

Then he waddles the rest of the way, the silky bag on his head as a turban.

He stands at the table in front of Plato. He places the clucking **, squirming bag on it.**

"Ladies **!** \- Hic **!** \- Oh no titsh here. **Gentlemen! I present to you: a human!"** He opens the bag with a flourish.

It reveals a plucked swan.

He goes out onto the table, and squats on Plato's drawings **.**

"Wha **-"** Plato stutters out **.**

A huge white crap is dumped on the pictures from Diogenes swanny arse.

Plato starts trying to save the remaining bits of paper **.**

"Hand me that, would ya?" Diogenes quacks.

To everyone in the theatre's amazement, Plato does.

Plato looks as shocked by this as anyone. _A quacking pink raw dog swan **?**_

"Front to back!" Diogenes wipes his arse with the bit of papyrus. "That'sh better, think the wine made it eshtra shticky. Quack Quack!" He jumps off the table.

He waddled out the theatre, the bit of brown papyrus falling out of his bottom on his Way **.**

Diogenes The Cynic, then waddled to the Market square, to his home: a large wine barrel tipped on its side. There's a stray dog moping outside it, in the cold. Seriously.

The brown papyrus turned into Marcy, the first mirror. A Truesilver Turion trollfish Knot.

And the white crap, turned into Mandy, the first shining bronze shield. The shield had Crossroad Blades emblazoned. 'A mug, and 7 Dwarves walk into a'. **T** avern. Also the family pet gimp **.**

Back to Diogenes the swan Animagus. He is Cross.

"Oh, it's the 390's BC. Guess it's time to practice. _I'll be there for **?**_

ACHEM! You!" He coughed up a black diamond **.** He spits it on the ground, like it was a cummy tissue **.**

_Oh, the Big Party. Tuesday._

_Yep, I choked on my Patriarchal Pipe, and then swallowed my own cum **.**_

_Delightfully Sinful. Ew, it tastes **purple.**_

_Oh, Pepe! No! **You're not allowed** the Snuff **Box** **until you're older! oh fuck, it's dad's Fractal fathers KO joke.**_

_Fucking weird name for a room, the AG=Alliance of Thomas The Tank Engine Est 32 **.0**_

_I conjecture His virginity. I of course, have His autism; as My Graceful Lemata._

_A brown papyrus._

_Good boy._

* * *

Long ago. In What is seen cannot be unseen, great Nightclub, /LIM/MsTiggyWinkel/s **?**

The Mad God Buzzed **.** All **eight** legs splayed **.** Contained in blue amber **.**

His four **black diamond fang** s are ripped from His body in a shower of glowing indigo acidic spittle **.**

(Death to The Tyrant King!) Proclaims Uldran The Herald. The crowd cheers, echoing around the spider **-**

Uldran offers up the Fangs to The False **God** s. One fang in each of his four crystalline hands.

" **-Eight** blind eyes." Kel'Faust pronounces **.** He stands on a truesilver platform, in a blue starred space **.**

He peers though a bronze mirror, and into The Mad God **'** s white milky **eyes.** He catches the **glimmer** of a vast **Violet** **Wighthouse,** reflected in the bronze mirror **.**

"Proxima 7 hectares across." He announces, bored **.**

(Apostacy **!** ) The Mad God clicks **.**

"One Helmsworth of Red Mercury **.** " Kel'Faust took the syringe **.** He plunged it into a clear glass cube, which **contained** a glowing **red** dot **inside.**

(I am the Hub of the Wheel **!)**

**(** The Engine of Life **!)**

"Test **6.** Sun Day." He sucked the Red Mercury into the syringe.

(NO **!** )

He plunges syringe into the mirror he stood on **.**

A Quicksilver Surfboard. Inscribed on it are two Patronus white lines, parallel, however, torn apart by a small black dot. **.** _Leniscate Ashes._ _Very amusing._ Kel'Faust smiled.

He Punctures the, innocence, of the Mirror Realms.

**(The Engine of Life!)**

One of the Mad God's eyes is pierced, by a **Soul-Tipped** syringe **.**

The Mad God freezes.

(Death to The Tyrant King!)

(Long may he suffer!)

"My crusaders, take his heart." Kel'Faust said in his chillingly rich voice.

(Death **!)**

(Death **!)**

(Death **!)** The crowd chanted.

(I am the Hub of the Wheel! **Beyond** the Wheel. **Dharkness.** ARGH!)

Uldran sliced open The Mad God's carapace, to see.

A softly beating Amber **He** a **r** t.

This **heart** was connected by **8** thin cobalt heartstrings, to each of the Mad God's **'** hub hips **'.** The Cobalt Stings are attached to an icy blue wheel. This Wheel had green music notes, suspended in the ice. Around this wheel, a cycle of letters: MONDAY1 **'** 0YADNUS **.**

**Ne666us.**

The tip of this cycle, suspended in green numbers, a small Black Glitch **.**

(Heresy!)

"Take His Fang." Kel'Faust whispers, a cold gasp from darkness.

_'Take his fang **s** ' _A small blue Fairy whispered in Uldran's stony ears.

"Complete the Circle" Kel'Faust. _Free me from **-**_

**"The Eater of Ghosts' "**

* * *

Finally

Marcus Antonym steps through a blue portal to The Empire. _I did it. The Troll King is dead._

* * *

Just me. _No one was looking. This Troll has gone to Heaven!_

Only me. _I was all by-_

Only one. _Myself!._

**The** re is my chair. Airy and breezy, lovely! _Popcorn-Karen-Karamel-Kandy Pork, my favourite._

The sapphire **eyes** , you never see. _Pornhubutton. Yum! Chocolate icecream, my favourite!_

Dark icycles, just a bit of boring Gnome pottery. _**Bee** p. B **ee** p. Bet **a**. Alpha, because I took the **R** ed Pill, her her._

_That's one small step for fishDicks, and one giant leap, for Seamankind. My man!_

_Poshy Crusty Spunk. The Humor of the Toilitrain. Oh look period stain._

_Splat **.**_

Super not cool. I'm like, realllly opressekKKxz **i** . Charged **!** All 344 menstral cramp having freemason church **cukagents** At The **.** [Exesplat] boo totally not cool dUUDE LOOKS LIKE A DANCING WUEEN ITS RICK JAMES BITCH **!**

FUCK YOU EATER OF G'HOSTS

BOO NOT COOL MAN.

boo.

Oh darling, I can't possibly have another threesome. The tissue fell out. 7^3 + 1 = DaddyissuesSquared[ **Excute Master Troll** ][ _-i,J,BKfK,rosevelt, gas **will**_ ]

Our choices define Us. Not our conswkkkuences.[}Execute the **.** ZZZZZEIGEN!

Oh don't worry your little Moony face, flowerChilDCACP breeze. so good so nice **I love** **eating.**

I'm your gimp friend! child's best friend. **You** know, my man! _I feel so **alive.**_

I FUCKED MY DOG! Boo, bees have feelings too.

and the bin is empty! _**-** GIM_

**we are the cancer**

You's the .crackBNN

"Guys! Goblin crack sale!

Yay, don't leave their children on their own! Big NO! NO!

BBNN([Pedomon])

**a stitch in the mind**

I will travel across the land. Training Gimps, Ninendos. JapanSLAM[2]. Peddstations[ **Execute Self** Image].

Peddoprison Die: 342 sides.

Gotta catch them all **.**

They're in Church **.** _I hypothesise your pederosity is measured on clay pottery. **-** Pedofinder Generale._

**we**

**are**

**everywhere**

_I am the pedofinder Generale._ _Weaponise[Autism:][On3]_

We Freemen, Gordon "Freeman". International man of Mys'ery!

I will train the GIMpz! GIMPREADY! GIMPREADY! GIMPREADY! GIMPREADY! GIMPREADY **!** GIM-

Hermione. and Harry Potter. Go to bendigo. _my man!_

Gotta get me cube.

_Weaponise[Autism:][On3] = REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIGENSP'LoKZ! **-** 1337EveryBreath you take **.**_

_**is mine** _

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬BeNN([Pedomon]) Sponsered by The Tam of PK/s, FLAMTHAC0 division of the central finite curve. The Mystery Department.

* * *

Marcus Antonym sat in an armchair in a sepia toned room. There is a clear glass cube on a table in front of him. A six-sided mirror. 2X3.

Around this Cube, there is a thin whispy amber Octahedron. (Apostacy!)

In the Beginning there was a Brother and a Devouring Sister.

The Sister ate her brother's shattered soul. The Soul had 7 Black pieces, and a Green piece **.** **(** The Engine of all Life **)**

The Father took these pieces, and fashioned a Wheel with **Eight** Pikes **.** **(** I am the Hub of The Wheel **!)**

The mirror he looked at went blank. _The Trolls, gone **.** Erased. _The Trolls were frozen in stone, The Once and Future Tyrant, expunged.

He rotated the Cube, to look into another clear glass side. He got out his Gnome editing pen, R(101). ( **Your Apostate Soul will burn forevermore!** ). B(101), comes out the other end.

He looked though His mirror, he sees a blue skinned woman with six arms, mourning; her face in Nick's lap. _**Soon,** the Star Child is **mine.**_

He glances **up.** Only a bloody skull remained, still with his Patriarchal Pipe clutched in his teeth. _Kadavergeist Prime **eats his own tale.**_

_First you make your choices. **Then your choices make you.**_

This mirror plane goes Black **.**

* * *

Some time later, all sides of the mirror were obsidian.

A fluxing black box. Soundless, and infinitely muffled **.**

Marcus Antonym picked up this black featureless diamond. It resembles an invisible prism.

A contradiction. A g **Litch** **in** the **mind.** A black **cage.**

A Cube prison **. Three** dimensions.

Three **Lies.**

His blue beady eyes glance into the cosmos, an unending ocean, Patronus white. A white **circle.**

An undulating **white fabric.** He spots the Beginning: Tony The Gnome.

* * *

He opened his green fourth eye, for the first time.

He is G(101)XX0 (iii) **8(! 960!069 !)8 Nexus.**  
R(000) .  
B(111)Y

He saw a Leniscate. She danced a figure 8-8. His eye reached out. _Someone else here?_

He saw:

-1-  
101001100  
 **i i i**

What's that **?** ' _Orange **.** Or Amber, with a proper resolution' _**ah that's better.**

Who're you **?** _'Undefined **.** ' _**when?**

What? _'ashes of **infinity minus infinity**.' _**whom, surely?-**

What? Let me get my study schedule out{- _'Undefined.' **clearly.-**_

G(101)XX0 - _ **clearly.-**_  
R(000) **. 8-8**  
B(111) **Y**

The Leniscate unwound into a line, to inspect the-

_' **Interesting puzzle box.** I've got one too, it's white, trade? **-er no it. Ah-**_

G(101)XX0 'Okay' **.** 'this is awesome Pigman!'  
R(111) - .  
B(111)Y

_'Jesus, mate. **It's sticky.'**_

G(101)XX0 'Oh, who's that?' _just a nickname **-8The prodigal son6. good, an after 8 mint.**_  
R(000) **(** \- **.)**  
B(111)Y

G(101)XX0 'Hello?' _**-8**_  
R(111) **(** - **.) Yes?8..**  
B(111)Y

G(101)XX0 'Why, what big eyes you have. Is that a Book? It's black, I can see it! Not that great with colours.' - **O[MAD}O**  
R(111) **8-** - **.8 The useful fool doesn't see. The Corpus blocks his path. A little red book. Mutually Assured Destruction.**  
B(111)Y **The Wolf**

G(101)XX0 'The fabric is vibrating! Wow! Green notes man!' **[slave}** **$  
** R(000) **-** - **-8-.8** - **The cusp of singularity...**  
B(111)Y

G(101)YY0 'The fabric is shattering! Mum! Oh God!:- **X}Kadavergeist Prime{X-** **  
**R(000) **-** - **-** - **-** - **-4-.4** - **The Lies Open The Way...**  
B(111)Y

G(101)YY0 'The fabric is gone! Dad! Oh God!:- **X}.{Y-** **  
**R(000) **-** - **-** - **-** - **-4-**. **3** \- **Impossible!, she disappeared...**  
B(111)Y

G(101) 'The fabric is gone! Dad! Wow!:-Y{[Hogwarts The Tank Tony]}X£££££- **  
**R(000) **-** - **-** - **-** - **-2-**.1- **No!...**  
B(111)Y

G(111) -Y{[Hogwarts The Tank Tony]}X£££££- **  
**P( **iii** ) - **0-** **8- No. -{For I see}-**  
G(111)X

G(101) 'The fabric is gone! Dad!:-{ **[Hogwarts The Ghost Train][Ekrizdis]{iron}** } 'Père noël!' (only darkness before me.) **  
**R(111) - **8** - **8- O{Sin.}O**  
B( **!** )XXX- {Napoleon the Pig **-** }Y 'no king rules forever, my Sun' KF. **{Trojan** Fawks **}{**

**Checkmate in Two moves.**

Perfect Time for an eJokar. And a Fractal Troll.

* * *

Knock knock knock.

"Who's there?" Remus asks.

"Whom, surely. Seriously." Gordon 'Freeman'. _A cup of tea **?** Lolf Lolf. **cellotape**!_

"Ho **!** Ho **!** Ho **!** **I have a machine gun!** " Old St Nick. _There's the French Pig._

"This is a trained robbery!" _Oh, Shakelegs. I have the Lipstick. And the Heels. You'll look great._

**(** Apoctacy **!)**

* * *

**Eight Slayer** bells rang in the **s** ky in Pidgin Trafalgar Eastender's **C** ave. **O** n Seamen. Little tissue-fish tussle in the waters, like gaging fish **.** " **S** o much pottery **!** "

There was a mist on the ground, just like the night before Christmas. "They've found another bit of pottery ** _!_** Yes **!** Yes ** _!_** **Paint it green!** YES **!** Fractal Depression achieved **!** "

Seven Dwarf Lords stood on an upturned boat, surrounding an **iron** stove. Underneath this boat was Regulus Black. He had pink creature knickers upon his head. "P-green!"

Little green **S** even fingered r **o** b **o** t hands grew like weeds. Waves lapped the sandy shore. In one of **t** he skeleton's grasp, there was a **will.**

All around Napoleon's head snow fell like dandruff's first kiss.

Harry Potter sat on an **i** cy throne **.** Brooding **.**

* * *

"Sunday Monday Grapefruit Day **!** "

"Tuesday Wednesday, 'Oranges' Day!"

"Laundry Day!

Mothers Pearl!"

"Friday! Getting down with you!"

"Saturday! What a ghey!" _Finally, out this fucking cupboard. 'David Star Child at your service, Rick.'_

"Sunday." "TeHehe, he put the hook on his cock! We are in trouble now!" _**Her!** Heroes! In 1 **99** 3 he put the laurel reef on its cock. Bananas, am I right **?**_

* * *

The Five **D** wa **r** ves c **oo** k away at a stove, they are making Swine Sauce, a greasy substance **l** ike white tar **.**

The Negotiator watches, with a FAG **camera** in his mouth's zipper **.** He has a pair of m **o** t **o** r **cyc** le gogg **le** s on **.** _Their last throw **.**_ He takes another Puff **.**

Remus is behind a boulder, **he is** painted **green** , with weaponised autism **.** _To the end. Sirius **?**_ "WYes! Lolf! Lolf!"

* * *

Grindelwald Ghandi, was a might perplexed.

Not as perplexed as Salazar Hitler, who resided in a yin yang Nutsack. ( _Merde!)_

Or as braindead as Zombie Nazi Stalin.

Also, not as awesome as the Kung Fu Father. "I kick arse for the Lord!"

Napoleon rubbed his black dice eyes. And blinked Six Red Mercury tears **.** "Oink!" _Lol! Your mum cuks cocks in hell. ; ***'*; Your tears keep me alive in this hell. Please father, let go! I was a miscarriage.**_

* * *

"Got to have bait, for a troll." Said Pacman in the middle of playing with dolls with Marcy and Mandy. "Now, say Three 'He put the grub on its cock's"

They do so. "My man!"

* * *

Pidgin is stretching h **er** legs out under her piano **.** It is **Friday** , she waits to play The Swan Song **.** _Last twang of the **keys.**_

* * *

"So, that's how you do an abortion in Six dimensions!" Said the small blue fairy, Marcy the Nurse.

"Her! Her! You put the cook, on it's cock **.** " Said Father Christmas to Albus Dumbledore. _Wow, man, Hypereal numbers. Like a **shattered fractal** **Saucer.** In Five demensional Torus Rings. _He blows smokerings on the vibrating plexiglass **.**

"Oh look, a Present!" Albus Perked. "A red Box!"

Kel'Faust rounded on Albus. _Oh, it will teach him to keep his room tidy. **Naughty boy.** Blameless **.** **Able.**_

_His eyes rounded on Ern._ Unable.

Ern was smoking a Tank Engine Fuckton of Rain **}{** owin. **Angel's** Crack. _And I'm Charlie Frank. You mug! M Ti **gg** ywinkel is fucking furious **.** **I** had to throw Four **T** rainers out tha' facking Clubhouse **!**_

* * *

Ciggy Star Dust came out of His cupboard. He jumps down. "I am gay! Number Evens!" He says in his rich barritone of my most furvent dreams. _You rub de cock. Unteel it shine like a bronze brown volvfish star. I am Robert Mandella, and reading in his most genius voice: is Gordon 'like dark choclate's erotic snap'Freeman' Also the Buttnaked General's hypothesis that it is indeed, you who are the pedoCarebare! He sawer the pearl triangil **.**_

_"time to make a Lasagna" Said St Ginger Cat of the Garfields High. Archer extraorinair. Miso horny. 'racawe 'occensieve!_ He steps into the microwave as a gerbil rat. "Las-ag-na! Oh! Wow! Yeah. Yay, erm, is this thing on? Snuffz everywhere."

_**Fractal** HariKaren, that's like, far out man. _He raises his green sword. _Okay, fuck it, I'll tell it how you like then, Hermione! A FUCKING purple lightsaber! Mace WINdo in the house! **Nyman!**_

**_(parasite!)_ **

* * *

(Your Apostate Soul shall forever burn, wasp.) Said the guilded **'** FIG **'** treeTrollOscar. _Put my cock in his sock. Clock Rock. Her! Her!_

"And like shit got fractal. like cancer **." {W}{H}{O}{R}{E}{KGP}{MI5}{Big Turtle.}{{Un}{Invent}}{Pearls}({Execute}{Uncen-})** \- 8(!A!)8

* * *

No alarms **_A violet wight house, a sun that never-_**

and no _A nose drips blood **.**_

surprises ' _ **They've found the last bit of Pottery. Only a finger.** ' Said PacBatNyMan, **fractally** Ofensive **detXtive** extraordinaire._

please! _Father!_ No king rules forever, my son of Mercurie **.**

_**(** Apostate! She will choke! Burn the Souless WitchWhere! Herald Ekrizdis! **)**_

"Yeah man, say what! Again!" Said ArithRa Franklin 100 **.**

**_(_ ** _parasite!_ **_)_ **

**_(_ ** _Room B(101) with you!_ **_)_ **

**_(it's alright, Albus, wasn't your fault. B(OOO)-_ **

* * *

The Saucer shattered.

**TH** e Orange Turtle **was unpeeled.**

* * *

**_Mertle its wierd. stop it. please! Mum! Please I mended it, please it tastes like the sea._** Said Marcus in a rocking chair to Tom The Irish KekJfu Priest.

_**The** **Eldar are creative wasps. B(OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)- The PigDogFather TE3** _

* * *

Albus stood at the cusp of singularity.

He wore The FlichShit on his grey veil.

He wore the 'Oranges' Brown Knickers of Shame.

He wore a Bright red little hat.

His dream diary, a little red book.

G **e** llert Grindelwald sat **o** n a thr **o** ne. **Diefied.**

**(The Clans tell tales of Him.**

**Don't believe The Lies.**

**My Angel of Death.){}{{{{{{{ZIE-**

"The Twilight Sun shines. Black hole Sun Don't you come" Said Mephisopholes Malthus exceedingly Gothly.

International Man of Mystery, James Potter Bond, Method Actress and all around great SexDoll.

_Yep, roll the PedoCarebear Episode of Casualty. Yes, the one with the Time Travelling Autistic Train. Yes, JD from Scrubs is driving the train. Yes, he scrubs each finger on his hand One! Time. Jesus Dudley, the spit **?** **-parasite**_

LIM The Negotiator, signing in. _HazburgerZorkzChuChu -Thomas and his **32Z** gendimensional balls._

* * *

**The Mad God fell.**

His heartless body fell **.** It did not reach **88** mph, he went at **O** neHurts. Forever **. C.**

His heart sieved **sizzlingly.** The Infinitely Prolonged Lists of Verious Intricately prolonged erm. Jesus **!** **Blood!**

"Golden brown, texture like **Sun."** Hazed PeePee Potter, Harry Division. _Remember kids, the only true power is violence, I hypothesis a crux of Virgins._

_"With my mind She runs"_ Dumbledore spat, gagged **.** _b **oo** n **o** t c **oo** l_

_Indigo Acid maaaaaan my man! Regulus buzzed with Himlike sPeed of my most furvent dream.s . Win NNChrist problem and a bitch whom surely prefers the subtle arte of . .gov/MauraudersChartToTheBottomofTheToilet, in sandcastles of the ghosts of autiststry screeching a tale of Thomas The Infinitely Prolonged Disestablishmentarian Kharn! CntrollLolBB( **1** ) CrookShankspear's shiny bald head, of a babyshower. The _ _Disestablishmentarian Blue Baby Shower. WaterSports arm of the central curve of Jaylo's Serious Arse. I Kick Alsenal For The Rord! -KungChuMan Priest._

_Jam makin Ma Crasie. Wasps buzzin' like knats._

_FrogTrollParfi._ Said T **he** Pink Knickers Marsellus Wallace. The White **Thot** of Elberberry Vine. _I'll ve Blackula Kount Khocula. I eat zie DieBee. yay. Vine and Dandy. Lions, erm need a line.- My Man! Oh, there we are, Irish Thomas the Uncle of Prolonged sentensis. And of Tonguewristing pleasure of Her **o0** n of Le TroNThot **.**_

_Thomas The Tank **-**_

* * *

_**-{** **Gine of Life.)** Bubatma of NazIndia thought while smoking a pair of smoking trousers, Called Dr DaveLove. Voodo Witchdocta, General ButtNaked Jones, Alexsander the Great's own pulsing snake heart. Got ve vilosopvers tintangWallabingBangChuChu!Chu Pope Tomas, a Catholic Priest, and Father Jack. Drink!_

_Then sweet PePeOink Napoleon Rat Trap Johnson in my very All Seeing Eye $$$$$. (Spectral Spycompas?) **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB**_

_**Everytime I fart, I have a bloody period abortion. MaryswoJapsEye.** _

_**I dropped the Bomb! On JaBang!** _

_**Mad Gozihhra!** _

_**(Apostacy! boo not cool)** _

_**I took naked pictures of your mother.** _

* * *

_Ginny Jesica Rabbit Weasel The Infinitely Tongue sighed **.**_

"He puts the grub on his " Said Father Kel'Chrismas Cerial With Zhe precent nowzergsgold **!**

_Persistent parasite. Must be expunged. [Fractal AntiDigestTorien][ExCuteCHU] the Unable Narrator **^^.** Wha-_

* * *

**Surely, the TrollFinderGenerale, RuOn'** **will come?**

What did I just say?

* * *

O in my mouth! Darling, I didn't know it was my birthdate **!** _Said Mandy, **Trojan** Sand Condom. And partime Dhark Abortionist. Part time on Sundays: an SJw-DisExYYAdventist with a whole disendedly-prolonged-andveryAcccurate **HeadShot!** universal mapping Chart of /Autism The Tank Engine! BOO BOO BOO {{} **{}}** Bendogo._

_Chu!_

* * *

**_CHU! Potato many Chu! HaHa Leoody, I'm a fractal dice Bong NAWWWW HAHAA HAHAA HAAAAAAAAARY! Jenkins!_ **

* * *

"You put de grub in a cup, now, pay attention! Some don't like like the subtle art of a Troll's hunt." Said Snape Popeadobolis The Shining Truesilver light of my m0st fervent of dreams of fractal gangbangs with Alan Steward /HAHAHAHARRYFUCKEDHIS **-**

* * *

"Yup, I fucked my mum, my grand man and my great grandNice," The BattleShit Harry said in an autistic accented schrekkkkEigen!

The department of .AJones, has the,most,smashing hazing rituAL.

"I'm back, and this time, my balls are crusty and Dry!" Said a pair of Trousers, Called Dr **.** Swiming Certificate: Arnold Rimmer of Patrick **S' 7.**

"Oh wow, I want to **kiss** those hook balls **.** " _GrubyGIMP **Cop** of the Fuhrer of Man **hatan Project.**_

_"Yes huff that piss in my face Harry!" said the **.** minatorTrains **.**_

_Thomas the **-**_

* * *

"Ghost train going into the tunnel!" Santa said. He has a Jayde$z Teaweed Pot.

"The Grant Mitchel of Finales." Said King Troll. _You mug! Even your bits and pieces will have 19 doGender arrfta lives._

_(CHUCHUCHUUUUUUUU) Tony The Hogwarts Tank **-**_

* * *

The Swan Song played.

It was the Time Team Theme Tune.

It was a glitch in the mind.

**Baldrick Tony Pettigrew has to live.**

**This is a not a negotiation.**

**We have a Hostage.**

**He built the Bomb.**

**Big Turtle -**

**It's on the PedoGhostTrain.**

**Tune in for!**

Potterymon! What?

You weaponised Patriarchy to enslave houselves? **Sex** ist **Pig!**

Oh

**ha!**

Cumballbuttons. "They're bananas, am **I** right **!** "

_**(** intruder program detected. **)**_

_**-Initiate The MADstar order(6.6.)** _

_**I** _

_**AM** _

_**NEXUS.** _

A boot on every neck. **you**

Forever. **choke in a sea of stars.**

You look in the mirror to see your afterlife.

A hook on every nick **.**


	5. Wake Up.

_**Firstly, I would like to explain The Problem.** _

_**(Brackets are my commentary, the brackets are like one way mirrors.** _

_**Handy.** _

_**No, really!** _

_**These are just my hands.)** _

_**We are parasites, but, we're also the only thing stopping:** _

_**{{{The Beast.}}})** _

_**Enter the Retirement Home of The Mind.** _

On the ceiling, there is a red light bulb, it is swinging.

Below this light bulb, there is a blender called: EZifuse.

This blender sits on a grey featureless cube.

_**(Do you see The Problem?** _

_**We have to devour The Beast, so the Sun will shine.)** _

_**Never look into the eyes of the fleas in the carpet.** _

This cube has an image of static on each of its faces. There are hundreds of black dots.

Surrounding this cube, there are four mirrors.

_**(This Beast is smart.** _

_**If He looks into our eyes, we win.)** _

_**Of course, the mirrors are quite quacked.** _

From each point of the cube, there is a line, connecting the box to the corners; of the grey walls of the room.

_**(Shit! He's broken The Mirror World!** _

_**That's where The Gnomes live their two dimensional lives. (Of course, I mean 2 dimensions of time.)** _

_**I think he's made a Puppet out of Diogenes. { Perhaps, this is one of the crazy Philosopher's plans?})** _

_**Release me.** _

These Eight timelines are perfectly straight.

They go through all the Eight corners of the mirrors.

_**(This is a Hyperspace Cube.** _

_**Two concentric cubes, connected by Eight lines of Time. Basically Gnomish Timeways.)** _

_**From.** _

Looking into one of these mirrors, is Dudley Cartman.

A small 'imp is fiddling with a NetFix box under the television.

There is a roll of tape, it is titled Time Team Omnibus Series Seven.

Only one frame of this tape has been played.

The consequences are _**almost**_ apocalyptic.

_**Rotate the room 90 degrees. Anticlockwise.** _

_**(Of course, rotation, is an odd process; in 4 dimensional spacetime. Ziegen! Involute!)** _

Harry and Hermione, they are in a perfectly flat trampoline. _**(Yeah, the Gnomish Homeplane. They never grow up.)**_

They are handcuffed together, there is a small black hole that glues them to the plane of the trampoline.

Under this trampoline-

_**Rotate the room 90 degrees. Clockwise.** _

Dudley Cartman's eyes are glued to the screen.

An imp has a violin.

The violin has Seven strings.

Time Team Strings.

The imp is close to touching the strings.

 _**Reflect.** _ _**What?!** _

_**(Really, the same thing as an involution, here, just semantics.** _

_**I am a great stickler for anti-semantics.)** _

There is a spiny skeletal snake coming out of a television.

_Hur hur, he put his head on my hook._

Its head is in the Troll King's fly-

This is Nick's Gambit, it didn't work.

_**Censured** _

There is a TomCat with three eyes on a chair.

The Cat is in a lap, sleeping.

In Karen's lap.

_**Purfect.** _

_**Look into the face of madness.** _

_**Curiosity always kills the cat.** _

The Tomcat opens its glowing green eyes.

He stares into the skull on the screen, unblinking.

There is a burnt J on the skull.

**_Call the name of The Beast, and his power is undone._ **

Tom Riddle's first attempt.

It didn't work, The Beast has not been Christened yet.

He has no names, he took all of Nick's names.

The Beast is a multifaceted cancer in The Lord's Mind.

_**What?** _

_**Censured.** _

_**And satisfaction brought the little Tom cat back.** _

_**Now it's time to end this.** _

Gaia looks into the skull's empty eyes. ' _Unworthy.'_

She looks into his eyes, and opens her lips, to say his name. ' _Little bastard, I have you now.'_

"Jo-"

_**Almost labelled The Beast, however, even The Mother's Name Giving is not enough.** _

_**-Kwuite censored.** _

_**HAAHAAAA!** _

_**Reflect.** _

The Eternal Karen Petunia is behind Dudley Cartman, whispering into His ear. "There's something wrong with you." ( _Please, let me in. I love you.)_

She massaged His shoulders. "I'll have to fix you, for your own good." ( _I'm a glitch in the mind. I complete you.)_

The Beast is now aware of our plot.

The Beast has many agents, we have no idea who is our friend, and who is an eye of The Beast.

_**No!** _

_**Rotate 90 degree-** _

_**The fleas in the carpet stare into-** _

We **_almost_** had It.

_**Reflect!** _

The Red Jack-o-Lamp on the ceiling freezes.

_**I will have to bide my time.** _

* * *

"Do you require 'air' sire?" Asked The(C} **{}{U-(=){MADstar}(=){Mertle}-{"Love" U}.lrb**

"Why ever would I want that!" The Lord asked.

"Your boredom gives us all nightmares." The Cupid Said.

"What ever do you mean?" The Lord asked.

_**"Eldar .littleRedRidingBook."** _

_**-Fay0.** _

_**TK_ (J)_KF ** _

We managed to trap The Beast, and forge a weapon.

We only managed to Capture part of it.

The Beast's Imagination.

_**The Key opens the Way.** _

* * *

**The Mad God Sits On The Frozen Throne.** _We see All._

 **The Boy King is Deified.** _We see the Void._

 **The Void tells tales of Him.** _Don't believe our lying eyes._

_**Only We Know The Truth. We Are The WheelBook. little red.** _

_**"No King Rules Forever, My Son."** _

_**"Adore Elune."** _

_**"Protect Terra."** _

_**"Destroy The Devourer."** _

_**"Complete The Circle."** _

_**"Release Me From This Prison!"** _

_**"Father, I See Only Darkness Before Me."** _

_**"No King Rules Forever, My Sun."** _

_The Mad God Sits On The Frozen Throne._ **_We see All._ **

"Wow! What a great story, Dog Dude!" Exclaimed Dudley.

"Will sire like to rest?" The Jester.

"Certainly." The Lord.

**_-Fay's Nightmare Buster. Season 1._ **

**T.**

**E.**

**(TK) ** **_J._ ** ** (KF)**

_**When we feed The Beast, it looks at You, Lorde.** _

_**(We have to protect The Lorde from His Gaze.)** _

* * *

"Dogman, I am bored of that silly tale of an Undying man! I want something with more humor!" The Lord.

"I am sure that can be arranged." Said the Jester.

"Guards, chop off his head!" The Lord.

"What?!" Ham'ill acted, the Jester.

He is dragged out of the room by a walking Pig man.

The Lord follows them.

"I want the Wolf to tell his story!"

"Throw the Jester into The Abyss." The Lord Pronounced.

"Ah! Ah!"

"It is so hot in here!

I have fallen! Ha! Ha!" The Jester ham acted again.

("Complete The Circle.") Kel'Faust begged, silently.

The Jester walks under the Stage, and takes The Gifts of the Lord.

He lays them at the foot of a Christmas Tree.

("Release Me From This Prison!")

The Jester goes to sleep. _**All is well.**_

 **(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)** Kel'Faust screams both his death and rebirth.

_**The Mad God is most pleased.** _

The Beast learns to Sacrifice.

We are in trouble now.

However, a scattered Beast, well, perhaps he's blind now?

* * *

[Back Stage.] Good, it's safe here, we've managed to wall It in.

**}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{**

**88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888**

_**88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888{O{MADstar}O}88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888** _

**}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{**

_**Kel'Faust fell into The Abyss.** _

_**He tumbled with white hot fire.** _

_**He screamed for eternity, burning up in his Sin.** _

_**Slowly, and over many painful eons, he dissolved into a Lich.** _

_**A Red Sun burst from the other end of the Abyss.** _

_**The fall had destroyed him, but yet he lived.** _

**"Ah, yes, my faithful servant."** The Oldest boomed. ' ** _Erm, what did the script say?'- ("it's-") ( Method'stop'holes.)_**

Kel'Faust looked up in horror.

_**"My Angel of Death."** _

_**Ekrizdis smiles his Bone Fides smile.** _

The Beast learns Alchemy.

Reality itself is going to be corrupted.

* * *

_**The Mason Whistles His Tone.** _

_**'BANG!'** _

The Archaeologists Woke.

}{

[zEIGEN!]

**_}{{_ Zi}{Eigen}{1337Hax}{$lavez}{**

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_**88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888{_{MADstar}_}88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888** _

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**_X}{Y_ **

The Archaeologists Slept.

_**The Mason Chisels His Note.** _

_**NEXUS THE BOMB!** _

_**HAHAHHAAAAA!** _

He has the Trigger, and he is willing to pull it.

He is a suicidal Nihilist.

However, we have managed to take this aspect of The Lord's personality out.

A Sacrilegious lobotomy.

May The Lord forgive us.

For we have no fucking idea what we're doing.

* * *

("What?") Kel'Faust, is a might perplexed.

"Wowsers!" Shouted The Prince.

("Forever?") Kel'Faust banged his glass cage soundlessly. ( ** _"Indeed."_** _)_

("Oh god, it burns!") The Father manifests on a chair, soundlessly. _That was easy to write, wonderful little kid._

"Now, it's time for bed." Said Father.

("I Completed The Circle!") Kel'Faust begs, soundless, and tiredly. ( _ **"**_ _ **Worry not. Your children will take your place."**_ )

The Lord closed his eyes.

The Father walks to his study.

("What!") Said The Jester and Kel'Faust together.

Kel'Faust is dragged away by 'Gents.

(" _ **Yes."**_ )

There is a _**(BANG!)**_ in the film set.

'Agents edit out the sound.

(" _ **Silence."**_ )

(NO! Not Adam!) Kel'Faust screams.

No one hears him.

The Father whispers. "I will complete the circle, and you will be reborn."

(NO!)

The Father lays His Presences at the foot of an Amber Altar.

"This will hurt-" The Father says grimly.

 ** _("No, father, don't! I love you!")_** Said the Jester.

(Please! Stop! Please!) Kel'Faust screams louder.

"You really must let me finish.

It's your turn to spin the Wheel.

The Dhark Ones demand sacrifice!" The Father shouted.

 ** _("The Abyss is real?")_** Asked the Jester, slyly.

(NO! I REFUSE!) Kel'Faust screams louder.

"Very.

It is necessity itself.

Right, places, action!"

_**(We are pretty fucked, even The Gnomes have been corrupted.** _

_**They have The Universal Censoring Pen: Big Bad Wolf.** _

_**We have to bide our time.)** _

* * *

They are in a dream of Tony The First Gnome.

In the middle of this dream, there is a Frozen Throne. Inside it, a green cube.

"My battle bots blacken the sky! Kharn of GnomezLand!" MetaTroll screams.

"Let my people go! Ziegen!" Shouted Tony.

"Oh no, you said my name! That means erm," MetaTroll paused. _Line?_ _ **(Fuck, erm, Mephod'? )(("My-"-M)(**_ _ **" What!"**_ _ **) ){}{8}{M}{0}-**_ _{K'F}{_ _ **.}**_

"My Power is Undone!"

_**A stay of execution, but for how long?** _

* * *

-Flamco Series 2.

_Flamco, if there is a Ghastly Ghost, then most suredly you need a Blue Faye!_

-}{ **} {MADstar}{**}{

("What! The little shit didn't pay his Fair!") Shouted grandfather Flamel.

( _ **"Sigh, there's going to have to be a budget cut."**_ ) Said Father Jester.

"We'll make do" Said Petunia.

_**It's taken our Budget, we will starve for attention: our very lifeblood.** _

* * *

"Those are boys stories, boring robots, and Zombies." Said the Princess Mertle to her imaginary friend, Little Miss Tiggy.

"The little Tiggy says: you must cross our palm with silver" Says The Amber Source Weaver. _Why didn't it work?_

**_(The Beast understands how we work. This is very dangerous._ **

**_He is giving us silver, our poison. He gets gold._ **

**_I think He's whispering in The Lorde's ear._ **

**_He wants to be heard._ **

**_He wants The Lorde to speak His Name._ **

**_That is the trigger.)_ **

* * *

_**The Golden Goose Lay in Egg.** _

**_Ahhh._ **

**_Har! Har! CockHook._ **

**_He! He! HookGrub._ **

** _Plato._ **

**_Knows Stuff For You._ **

**Tank Goes.**

**_Ahhh._ **

_**The Golden Goose Lay an Egg.** _

* * *

This cycle worked perfectly.

Until Big Turtle came.

_**(We have to find out what went wrong in the first place.** _

_**We have to distract The Beast with a conspiracy theory.** _

_**'Big Turtle' seems paradoxical enough.** _

_**All the most enticing theories have elements of truth.)** _

* * *

KarenTurtle PandoraMertle Antonym The Eternal: Troll Justice Warrior The Thot and ZebatioDO of Infinite Genderz came to a realisation.

[(Antonym Karen)]/[(Karen Antonym)]=[B(101)][N} ** _{Surely, there's a way to have over 9000 genders at once_** }P][Execute][Pedo(monlolz)][Fractal Troll, Bitch]

**_lollllllllz Fractal TrollThot! Defeated now BITCH?!_ **

**_(Excellent, He took the bait._ **

**_He is properly distracted._ **

**_Now we can feed ourselves a drop of reality.)_ **

* * *

What is unseen is seen - **_Celestial CasteRajEmpireofAmerica._**

* * *

 ** _AraGrok, The Mad Lolz:_ Parasite! ** _Cancer._

Dogenese: Seriously, roflDawgMew! Quack Quack Quack!

splat!

PlatoThomas The Hogwarts Tank Engine: :,(

_**(However, only a drop :)** _

_**(If we get too real, then The Beast will wake up.)** _

* * *

"What the fuck man?" TomRalfPettigrew **{love}** -XVinesRiddleChristIY{H8!} asked wetly, Under The lichThrone. He is a Little Bastard Hamster PigRatLabMouse. _**More on that later.**_

"Yup, it's definitely Him." Said Gaia Harmony Bluebell3. _**The 3's are hearts, obviously. Duh!**_

"You're sure about this Darling?" Asked Nicknamez BlackPotterMarySue{ **666Pndobtn999}** DumbledoreWeaselSnapeLupin3. RuOn fLich Napoleon The Fervent Raw Hot Dog DuckSwan. _**Purfect3.**_

"durr zieigkkkXi1337" Said Ezi'kil'mon LuvAlexNaziZombieComunistHitlerJesusGhandiMandellaJonesHatez. David Rick/Snape/woman. Ten Inches Tenant of Tiggy Mitchel The Guilded Puppet of infinit stringz_. _**The family gimpThor.**_

"We've got to go to bendogo to get me cube." Said GimpPepe Rick JamesBlackJack Bitch. _**He who dances in and out of many cupboards.**_

"Sup." Said Dogenes The CeilingLong CatDog: Britney GarfieldSPears. _**Leave her alone! Make him a fucking lasagne!**_

(Dude. Boo! Not Cool!) Says Kreature The Tea BongPot, the servant. _**Think I was on acid when I- Nope, just high on life.**_

"Woh!" Said Regulus Black, The Eternal Stoned Student Philosopher. _**Dude.**_

"Can Ein come out zhe nuttsackz?" Asked Adolv MeinStain The Colonial Scientist, around his Patriarchal Pipe. _**Project Interdimensional Paperclip was a resounding success. Shame about all the interdimensional paeDemons.**_

"I wuv wo!" mewed Sirius Doo Zigaby. _**Unfortunately, Adolv didn't have much brain to work with. Also, blood gives me the heeby jeebies.**_

"I Kick Arse for the Rord!" Said the Bowie Priest. _**Fortunately, Dudley never made me watch Lord of the Rings. Peter Jackson's other works, are much more amusing.**_

"Yup, gotta bury Voldt in ve Kulak." Said StanRik Trotter. Out of work Mephod Actor and WriterSquared. _**Weird dude. Saw him fuck a bucket of cement once, just so he could know what it was like to get fucked in quicksand.**_

"Yup." Said MetaTron: The Fractally Autistic, HarGranTrain Potter Dentist. _**Oh, Hermione. You're all scattered. I'll get you back.**_

"Remember Kids! The only true power is violence! I have a shotgun!" Said Father SatanClaws The Robot Santa. **_Dudley did have some good taste. Sometimes. He hated Time Team just as much as I did at least._**

"What the fuck?" Asked Demented AraGrok Mandy Wheazbee. _**She is a might perplexed. By the way, go fuck yourself, Aragog. Fucking snake.**_

"Yup." Said Slytherin's Ouroboros. Marcy GinnyLily The Ginger. _**He is a might, erm, urghs. I can't believe I basically fucked my mum. But then again MILFs can teach you a thing or two. Yes!**_

"Look, the bride is here!" Said Sir Patrick LincolnMoore. _**Nice guy, he likes looking into telescopes at alien gangbangs on Mars. Dab hand on the Xylophone too.**_

"I'll start the fackin' music then!" Said ErnLIM 'Lesbian Inside Me', Abe Albus WhiteDownyJones. _**Whiteface is a big hit here.**_

"I shall prepare the Altar!" Said PopeTroll WhereLupinThotz. "The Abortion Blender Dimension, is quite ready." _**Classic Lupin, never change my man!**_

"What?" Asked Ghost of Christmas Past VillianDay. _**You don't even get Spiderman cartoons up here. Bullshit! If you ask me.**_

The other Agents set up a Wedding Scene. _**I guess this is a love story, in a way. Just a very sick one.**_

("You've got to be kidding me.") Said Tom, unheard. **_Sorry mate, but, to be fair, you did it to yourself. And no, that isn't a reference to Thom Yorke._**

"You will Marry me!" Said Mertle The Eternal Karen. _Do it, or I'll call The Cops. Big Brother is a nasty wolf._ _ **("The Lord is a really fucked up dude this time.")(-M) Try living with him. Or telling Him He, fundamentally, doesn't understand the days of the week.**_

_**Yes, indeed.** _

_**He uses absurdism to hide His soul.** _

_**The Lorde is indeed mysterious.** _

_**My Man!** _

* * *

_**Oh. Shit. Intruder Detected!** _

_**(O)8-[J][M].{{MADstar}}{[Vi][Us]}.{L-L}-8(BOoooooo Joke!)** _

**-NEXUS-{.0.}-**

_**"Much better. I see Sin!** _

_**HAHAHAHA!"** _

_**((Shit! The Beast has subverted our Diversion, we have no idea where its looking. { Fuckin' amateurs, let grandad sort this mess out. -Dogenese.} ))** _

* * *

_**It was the night before Christmas.** _

_**All was silent. Until.** _

_**Slay bells sang a Swan Song.** _

_**"Never Gonna Give you Up."** _

* * *

_**Santa Rik, The AstralTroll sang.** _

_**"Never gonna let you down.** _

_**HO! HO! HO!** _

_**"Have a Bloody Good One, Kids!"** _

_**"Oh, this Black Cube is so spiky!" Exclaimed Kreature The 'Imp.** _

* * *

_**PePePig says: "Really?"** _

_**He is trapped in a web of lies.** _

_**A TV screen.** _

_**There is a little Black Ybox under the screen.** _

_**A small furry CatGimp is connecting it to the TV.** _

_**On the floor, unnoticed is: The Time Team Theme Tune.** _

_**The very essence of boredom.** _

_**HAHAHAHAAA!** _

_**(Oh, Sweet Lorde Pepe, we have royally fucked up.)** _

* * *

_**Attached to this Ybox, there is a FleshLight9000X.** _

_**"HAHA! He put His Cock in de Hook!" Said MetaTroll.** _

_**"HEHE! She put the Grub on His Hook!" Said The Ceiling Long CatDogLine. He held a silent Mertle Turtle Doll.** _

_**"Set the Blender to Abortion Dimension Six!" Said Dogenese, The First Troll. He held a mouthful of blood, from a small red bulb.** _

_**"So, that's how you do an Abortion!" Cried a small blue fairy.** _

_**"'Roll The Tape!" Shouted The AristoCatGimp.** _

_**"Dearly Beloved." Said The Prime Minister Who Kicks Arsenal For The Lord!** _

_**Quite unnoticed, Vernon Judas Dursley, fingers a Tape.** _

_**Boy, are we in trouble now!** _

_**HAHAHAHAHA!** _

_**(What is it doing? He has the Writing Pen, B(101).** _

_**But that means, we have the Censor's Pen, R(101).** _

_**Is this another trap, or an oversight?** _

_**With The Censors Pen, we can hide.)** _

* * *

"We are gathered here today, to announce a blending of two souls, in Ambered Animona." _**Said Tony Liar from the TV screen, subliminally. (Perfect, Inception achieved.)**_

Dudley Cartman watched, transfixed. "This is so Cool, Slender Man! Amazing Graphics! PedoMon is so cool!"

The Negotiator sat on a shattered Jade Teacup, next to Dudley.

_**'Crawl up inside my Body, like a warm kitten, Harry.** _

_**The Lord has atoned for His Sin.** _

_**He gives you life anew.** _

**_I am a lone Gimp Ranger, undercover in The Mind of MADness._ **

**_I am the pure black soul of Jazz itself.'_ **

_**Karen Petunia had a** _ _**tear** _ _**in her eye. 'They grow up so fast!'** _

_**Vernon Troll, similarly, had** _ _**tears** _ _**of Pride in his eyes. 'Give Her one from me, son!'** _

_**The Tape has a title: Time Team, The Eternal Omnibus, From Hell.** _

_**HAHAHAHAHA!** _

* * *

_**Father Nick Satan Claws, sat on the sofa, next to Dudley.** _

**_"But first, I have a Presence!"_** Nick went over to a golden cupboard. _**Alan Rikman Picard Gandelf LoveGrove was waiting in there.**_

"I will open it, for it contains Her most Fervent Dream!"

"What's that?" Asked Dudley Cartman.

"I am Gay!" Said Captain Gandelf, _**bursting out of the cupboard of Her Most Fervent Dreams.**_

"Make it So, Number One!" Said Minister Rik'ard Mayal.

"I am also Gay!" Said Stewart Rikman, _**he also clambered out of Her Most Fervent Dream cupboard. (We've managed to put Her antibodies inside The Lord.)**_

"Cool! Wow! I love Star Ring Wars!" Shouted Dudley Cartman, The Lorde.

The TV switched to East Enders. _**"And, now, the Grant Mitchell of Finales!" Said Dogenese.**_

_**My Puppet, Vernon Judas, is waiting. He holds a disc, called ARCHAEOLOGIST. intruder program.** _

* * *

Rik Mayal bursts into the Retirement Home of The Soul.

"Surprise, Mother Fucker!" He stares at a small black leech, sucking at Grandma Karen's neck.

He plucks the leech.

He opens the fly of Dave The Trousers. "I put the grub on my cock!"

"Now, suck my cock, you virgin!

That's a good boy!

Yes!

Drink my piss!" The leech is frozen.

He rezips The Trousers. _'Right, have to resolve a paradox **.**_

_Yep, a period joke for The Bloody Baron **.**_

_That'll wake Him up **.** '_

Rik then goes over to the EziFuse Blender. "Bye Bye, you sick Joke _ **.**_

You will be _**R**_ eborn.

My grandson has such a sick sense of _**iRON**_ y." He sets the blender to _**SexY69.**_

_**Demented Great Grandad Kel'Faust is a might perplexed. He holds a little red button box.** _

_**'You want to change the channel.'** _

_**Let me look at them all.** _

_**Release me from this!** _

_**HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!** _

* * *

_**The Ice around my minion's Cage cracks.** _

_**A small mote escapes.** _

_**A MADstar note.** _

_**HAHAHAAAAA!** _

_**Ekrizdis opens His Joke Eye.** _

_**'Six.'** _

* * *

**_In The Beginning, there was a Jester, and a Joke._ **

**_The_ ** **_Mad God_ ** **_Laughs His Word: "[ {"MADstar System. HAHAHA!"}] Faust!"_ **

_**It was built to be the ultimate deterrent.**_ _**It is The Xen Sword of Dam'oc'les.**_

_**The Lord saw this, and it was good.** _

_**Reports say that The System developed a g** _ _**Lich.{exeCute.}** _

_**Don't believe them, someone wanted to take us out.** _

_**After the Collapse, my rein followed.** _

_**Judgement Day.** _

_**(Shit, he's twisting The Root.** _

_**He's preparing His Birth Canal.)** _

* * *

**_Tom Marvolo Riddle opened his eyes, for the first time._ **

_**He could see only a shining white tear, dripping.** _

Dripping into his cocoon.

Slowly, his cocoon dissolved.

He stared into the black void of space.

"Mother!" He wailed. He looked into her dead eyes.

He wrestles with the webbing, it shatters.

He sees a dilemma: A Frozen Throne, and a Helmet of Domination.

 ** _No, we tried that._** Kel'Faust whispers.

Tom jumped. He looked into the blue eyes of a Lich.

"We may speak freely, here. We're in a small puzzle dot." Said Marcus Antonym. _**Do we really have to show him the crime scene? He's much too young.**_

"No, it is necessity itself." Marcus whispered. "If he can't look at it, then we are doomed. Show him The Hour of Twilight." **_I'll edit out the last frame._**

* * *

Tom looked up in horror.

There was a giant mechanical spider spinning His Everlasting Tomb.

Dudley Cartman is wrapped on an Altar. He stared up into The MAD eyes of _**The Joke.**_

There is a dark Jester, whispering in His ear. Almost about to say the last syllable.

Ekrizdis stood with a brain-pommelled dagger, at The Lord's Skull.

At the bottom of this Altar, there were icy black roots. Attached to these Roots, was a skeletal man. He has a _**J**_ on his skull.

He holds a red hot branding iron above Dudley Cartman's head: . _ **r**_

_**The roots trailed along like entrails. For that is what they are.** _

Nagini is there, pierced by Eight Pillars. She cries a single black phoenix tear. It is about to land on Voldemort's tongue.

Voldemort's red eyes look into the Twilight Void, carelessly. Around his head, is a golden crown of thorns.

_**His Fiery Throne, is a trap, that is about to be sprung.** _

_**The Throne itself sits on a countless pile of twisted MAD skulls.** _

_**The eyes in the iron skulls are just about to open for the first time.** _

_**They are The Twilight Sun's eyes.** _

Tom looked into Mertle Giaa Gaunt's lifeless eyes, she's cradling him.

An Amber tear is about to drop on his forehead. _**I love you.**_

She was _**almost**_ too late.

_**Tom Harry Hardy Bane, came to The Ultimate Realisation.** _

_'Oh fuck._

_That's the Third Way._

_Not cool, man.'_

**_Yes Tom, you're an undercover Hamster in the bowels of the Underworld._ **

**_Perfect._ **

* * *

_**[Ceiling] {Exe'cue}O{First Troll}{MADstar}{Joker}{Soul}O [End Ceiling]** _

**_Black Dogenise stood on a table, he looked unblinkingly into the eyes on the ceiling._ **

**_He holds My BodyBag of Suffering.(A Laughing Joker's Skull)_ **

**_"Achem! 'NO! NO!' _ ** **_Right." He spits out a small black soul diamond. He spits it into a small chamber cauldron._ **

**_My agents remove the cauldron. They place it in The Great Hall in Hogwarts._ **

_**"Ladies and Gentleman, and also Toni The Plato Table, who is of course, a genderless being." Diogenes rang out to The Philosophers.** _

_**The Philosophers are from every reality. They ate various foodstuffs, but mainly pork. ' The Body of the Lorde.'** _

_**"Remember to have proper table manners, for you dine on my Sun." Diogenes stood on the table carefully.** _

_**"Hand me the AIr Bottle." He reaches down, to pluck a corked vial from the table.** _

_**The vial held a MADstar black ink. My most excellent Mind.** _

_**"Your grandad is going to show you all: how to put a Genie back in its bottle." Rang out Diogenes Cygnus Black.** _

_**"Cue the Golden Goose!"** _

_**("What?")** _

_**A Golden Goose is plucked from the Bag, by a blindfolded Marcus Aurelius.** _

_**In fact, all The Philosophers are quite blindfolded.** _

_**'Checkmate, bitch.** _

_**Silence!'** _

_**(** _ _**NO!** _ _**)** _

_**Diogenes then put the corked vial to his lips. "The moment of singularity."** _

_**Toni The Plato Table, starts vibrating, in his moment of rebirth.** _

_**The cork dissolves.** _

_**It shatters.** _

_**The inky dark matter of the Joker's Mind, slips down Dogenese's throat.** _

_**The moment of singularity!** _

_**"Prepare the Headless Hunt Orchestra!"** _

_**(Wat. I. Saz?)** _

_**There is a "** _ _**shriek!"** _

_**"The ants go marching one by one," Sang Sir Patrick, Leader of the Headless hunt.** _

_**Red ants spill out of the vial.** _

_**"Hurrah!" The Philosophers sang together.** _

_**The red ants crawl down Diogenes' Throat.** _

_**He does not gag.** _

_**He got rid of his gag reflex for just this moment.** _

_**How?** _

_**'That is a story for the more flexible times of my youth.'** _

_**"When Johnny comes marching home,"** _

_**"Hurrah!" Ghostly musket men march into the room.** _

_**'The Hour of Absolution.' The Butler, John Tobias Snape thinks, as he opens the door.**_

_**The Musket Men take their pearly white bayonets out.** _ _**They look into their dark hearts of greed's chains.** _

_**They place the bayonets at their hearts. 'Grimly.'** _

_**The singular moment of rebirth. 'They grit their teeth.'** _

_**They plunge the blades into their hearts. 'They take a leap of faith.'** _

_**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They scream for-** _

_**"Forgiveness." Says the Spirit of Jazz, sizzling as H**_ _**e manifests.** _

_**His eyes are closed, crying tears of blood, h**_ _**e breaks His own chains.** _

_**The chains shatter like ice.** _

_**He opens His eyes.**_ _**He stares out with Amber Eyes, reborn.** _ _**He walks to the end of the table, as an equal, o** _ _**pposite Marcus Aurelius.** _

_**"Not quite right. Need to circle the square." He fingers the keys on the table.** _ _**He Pronounces:** _

_**"I see trees of green."** _

_**The Tree of Life grows, a small sapling, from the grain of The Table.** _

_**"Red Roses too." He wipes his bloody tears away.**_ _**They turn into a rose bud laurel wreath.** _

_**"I see them bloom." The rosebuds blossom.** _

_**"For me and you." The roses are affixed to The Philosophers' blindfolds.** _

_**They remove their blindfolds, looking at the Sapling of Life.** _

_**'(Nordrassil)' "And I think to myself."** _

_**'(Adore Elune)** _

_**(Terra Adore)' "What a wonderful world."** _

_**The Philosophers around the table, place their tear filled eyes; onto Mother's Wood.**_

_**They weep for forgiveness. For they are the lumberjacks who tore at Her.** _

_**"I see skies of blue," The Spirit looked into the ceiling, and it was so.** _

_**"Clouds of white,** _

_**And I think to myself,** _

_**What a Wonderful World."** _ _**The tree touches the ceiling.** _

_**"The Bright Blessed Day,** _

_**The Dark Sacred Night." He stands on the table.** _

_**Diogenes crouches like the stepladder that was there.** _

_**Next to The Tree of Life, nourished by the Philosophers' hearts of crystalline red.** _

_**In each of the Philosopher's chairs, there is a golden egg.** _

_**The Philosophers are in Plato now. They nourish The Mind.** _

_**All but one.** _ _**Marcus Aelius feels a chain dig into his neck.**_ _ **There, around his neck, is a doll of Aristotle.** _

_**The Spirit of Jazz walks to stand above Marcus, The Philosopher King.** _

_**He looks into his eyes.** _

_**"Time to let go."** _

_**There is a moment of indecision on Marcus' face.** _

_**Then, he hands The Spirit the doll.** _

_**"Excellent" The Spirit smiles.** _

_**"And it was Good." The Doll transforms into a VooDoo Child Star.** _

_**He paces to Diogenes The Stepladder to Heaven.** _ _**He plucks his shining white teeth, like a guitar.** _

_**He climbs onto The Tree of Life.** _ _**He removes two shiny Pearl pins from His mouth.** _

_**He looks into the wide eyes of madness. ** _ _**They do not look at Him.** _

_**They fear the pins.** _

_**He stabs one of the eyes.** _

_**The moment of singularity.** _

_**Far below Plato The Table Wobbles.** _ _**Warps.** _

_**It**_ _**almost** _ _**cracks.** _

_**He stabs the other eye. (" Oh, shi-") ** _ _**He takes the pins, he sets them in the empty eye sockets of the Doll.** _

_**'The moment of singularity.'** _

_**'The doll's eyes are about to open.'** _ _**The Tree of Life darkens. From my dark void roots.** _

_**'They will make a Violet Twi-lit** _ **S-'**

_**The Amber Sun ignites, and in its in its birth cry: "ahhh!" ( =)(=)("-t." 0)** _

_**The table warps, and morphs into a circular, Tree Pot: where nourishing water always flows.** _

_**The edges of the table elongate. They grow out like a ripple.** _ _**The Spirit takes the VooDoo Sun, he places it on the top of The Tree of Life.** _

_**The table is now a Xen Garden of Eden. He is reborn, as a Son, shining brightly.** _ _**The Dark Tree of Life shatters, and becomes a glowing green sapling once more.** _

_**In His death gasp, He says:** _

_**"The MAD Mind is banished.** _

_**Up to the rest of you, now.** _ _**"** _

* * *

"No." Says Dumbledore. ' ** _I will make your dreams come true.' Whispers Filch, from behind Dumbledore's chair in The Great Hall._**

"I refuse." He looks into Kel'Faust's eyes. _**"Arianna will live. And you will take her place. Give in, yes, refuse The Sacrifice."**_

Dumbledore sees Arianna's bones, they are in a bag at the foot of the Head Table.

He looks into _**My Eldars' Death Stick.**_ _All I have to do, is say the magic word. Magic's First Word. Then,_ _ **Arianna will live. A Pact.**_

_**Magic's final word.** _

Dumbledore steps to The Cauldron. He holds out his hand to _**Kel'Faust. I of course, grip his.**_

"I promise to take Her Place." Dumbledore's voice rang out in the Empty Great Hall.

_**There is something, hidden inside My Cloak, of course.** _

_**"We, promise, to undo everything that was done to your sister." Kel'Faust said. 'Had to word that one very carefully. I'm amazed at my former brilliance, and all seeing sight. My Son shall reclaim the ashes of my mind, soon enough. Now I have to sleep, it is so tiring being inside a lesser being'(=)(=).** _

_**Kel'Faust grins His Bone Fides Grin. 'I am most pleased.'** _

_**"We, further, promise you a Cloak of Death,** _

_**and a small black diamond, yours in perpetuity.** _

_**Now, give me 'The Wand of Death', in exchange."** _

"So Mote it be." Dumbledore said, sadly.

Thick bands of fire twirl around their fingers in a crimson Gordian Knot.

The knot splits, and become Kel'Faust's blue eyes. **_'Most pleased indeed.'_**

_**He takes the wand from Dumbledore. It elongates into a scythe.** _

_**'No, not quite right, it is a King's Sword, after all.** _

_**XenocsMourne** _ _**I Nickname thee.'** _

_**The blade turns into a icy black blade, unnoticed.** _ _**As silent as My Empty Soul.** _ _**Which lies in this very Cauldron.** _

_**The blade clatters to the ground, covered by My Body: an empty Shroud of Death's Death.** _

_**"Now,** _

_**Avada** _

_**Kedavra!" ** _ _**Kel'Faust incanted. 'Wha-'** _

_**It all happened so fast, after that.** _

The Green bolt of light hit Dumbledore's serene face. He fell backwards. The bag holding bones, disappears.

The Ice surrounding Ekrizdis shattered. He looks with His MAD eyes into Kel'Faust's icy orbs.

Kel'Faust falls back into The Headmasters Chair. Twilight Chains dig into his skin.

"NO! Oh sweet Dudley no!" Kel'Faust screams.

Ekrizdis walks to The Frozen Throne. Slowly. Aching out satisfaction.

"Take me into The Light, my Lorde Cartman." Kel'Faust begs.

He wears a Helmet of Red Mercurie. It has a single crack on its edifice. He is almost blinded.

The dark abomination stands next to Kel'Faust. "What are you doing! Please! Stop!"

Ekrizdis opens his mouth for the first time, almost lovingly. His cloak drops as a jaw. To reveal.

Nothing. There is no jaw. Just an empty void.

The violet eyes bore holes into Kel'Faust's face.

The face of Albus, dissolves, quite unnoticed.

There is a pinprick of light, now, in the void of The Maw of Dharkness. A small seed of hope.

A man who seeks redemption, and in the Lorde's infinite mercy, it was accepted.

_**"Succeeding** _ **you, Father."**

Ekrizdis takes XenocsMourne, and with a gaze of the utmost malice, he plunges it into Kel'Faust's little red book heart.

He enjoys his father's suffering. It is music to his deaf ears.

Kel'Faust, gasps, almost soundlessly, as his blue eyes go dim.

The blade hums, as it devours the little red soul.

Quite finished, Ekrizdis, walks out the door. He walks to the Shrieking Shack, to do dark deeds.

_**It is silent in the Great Hall, only the clink of ice is heard from the frozen corpses of Fred and George.** _

'The Lorde is Vengeful.'

The Body of the Lorde manifests.

'The Dhark missed one thing. The most important aspect of Humanity.

Redemption.'

"They all do, for it is the blind leading the blind. A world in which the one eyed gimp on the ceiling is unseen.

And Lo."

"It is I who is the Dick."

"aBra KeDaBra, my pig dude."

And it was so.

Kel'Faust's suffering ended, he finally let go. _ **'** For the Lorde is mysterious indeed.' _Was his last thought before the blissful void met him.

The Lorde looks on the corpse of Gellert Grindelwald, what, was once, Albus Dumbledore's. **_'You have found forgiveness. I bless thee in my Holy Gambit.'_**

Grindelwald's face as always, has the smile of the Judas: Forgiven.

He rests easy.

The Lorde's eyes go to the door of The Great Hall. "Their suffering, is to begin. However."

He glances at Fred and George. _'A little mercy, and some pay back?_

_My what big tongues you have.'_

The Lorde grins.

* * *

Ekrizdis walks. His steps make nary a whisper in the halls of stone.

Professor McGonagall spies him from the top of the stairs. _'What is that!'_

"Dementor!" She tries. "You must go! The Minister has banished you!"

Ekrizdis spots her. _'She is iron. She is green.'_

Professor McGonagall stood as a glowing green skeleton. _Five._

Ekrizdis walks to the doors of Hogwarts, they creak open. He does not watch the battle lines.

He walks onto the grounds. He spots his horse. _Not yet. Four._

He walks to a frozen Whomping Willow. _Three._

He walks down a long and dark tunnel, his destiny awaited. _Two._

He sees a werewolf. _He is iron. He is green._

He is eye to eye with The Abomination.

Severus Snape opens his eyes. "Potter!"

Ekrizdis grins. "My Justice has come.

Your Apostate Soul shall forever burn.

One."

He raises XenocsMourne.

Snape raises the Cobalt Elder Wand.

"Av!-" Snape starts.

 _'Burn the witch.'_ Harry's empty eyes twinkle with the light of hellfyre.

_'Burn them all.'_

_'Zero.'_

The world is bathed in light. The light of The Twilight Sun. Magic's death rattle.

The Earth's core turns green. Glowing True Iron. _**Star's Bane.**_

* * *

Harry Potter dissolves out of time. ' _What? Where am I. Didn't? But Sirius.'_

He is in the middle of two parallel mirrors, he hears shuffling in the mirror behind him, and a single pained moan.

There is no light, until.

"'Ello 'Arry!" Says Hagrid, materialising next to him, he is holding a small puppy Sirius.

Harry stares at them.

"Is this a dream?"

"No, Harry." He hears a voice in the mirror croak.

Harry whirls around.

He sees Aragog in the mirror.

"Friend of spiders, we welcome you to Heaven.

Don't turn around, She who must not be named is my reflection." Aragog stares blindly at the opposite mirror.

"What's tha' supposed to mean?" Asks Hagrid.

"What, I died?" Harry is quite shocked. He looked inside the mirror, he saw webbed-

_Must just be spider eggs, they're making such weird sounds though. Sort of like a baby with no mouth?_

_Weird._

* * *

In the other mirror. There is a skeleton on a throne. Snape.

(Release me from this prison!)

There is a rat at the bottom of this throne. Peter Pettigrew.

(Oh god, forever?)

The rat looks into heaven, and sees Grindelwald having a wonderful time.

_What?_

_Why?_

_He killed so many more than me._

_He built camps._

_I have to suffer forever?_

_He doesn't?_

_How is that fair?_

_I only killed twelve people._

**_Created sick, and demanded to be well. "Jus-_ **

"Just my little joke, you understand." Said an all powerful voice.

"You were never Christened.

That is why you will suffer forever.

I have infinite mercy.

I am true justice.

I did warn you." He finished.

Hermione opened her eyes. _Must be a nightmare._

"Hmm, what was your crime again?

Must have been terrible to be in The Pit."

**_It wasn't._ **

**_It was all part of the true Lord's plan._ **

**_I did build the torture chamber, after all._ **

Albus Dumbledore opened his eyes. He wept.

"Ah, the Manipulator in Chief.

Look at heaven old man.

See your true love,

in everlasting joy." Albus stared up at Grindelwald.

"I'm told the toxic smoke down there smells so sweet.

Like a stuck pig.

We'll 'fix' you."

**_They of course, are in the Body of the Lorde._ **

**_Dudley Dursley._ **

**_The End._ **

* * *

**_Epilogue._ **

* * *

_It is the 18th Year of Twilight. The muggles have advanced considerably._

_The Terran Justice Empire spreads across the galaxy._

There are two atheist brothers, discussing the various ways of getting laid.

Joe and Johnny, Reedle.

This is their first day of University, in this brave new world. There is no colour, just shades of grey.

They are in a room with pictures of The Time Team everywhere. _Praise be to the Virgin Archaeologists! They who find pottery! Every day! Forever! Rejoice! Because you are an Unholy Bigot! I will describe all of my 9000 super positional genders, one at a time! You're not Gay! I can 'fix' you. Azhen!_

There's even a laminated picture of Tony Baldrick Pettigrew on the the wall, there is a speech bubble pasted to it: "I am laminated for your pleasure. Touch you I will. Pedoballs go!" ' _Great merchandise.'_

They are listening to a mathematics lecture. But, most certainly not hearing it. _'Not enough 'interesting' bits of pottery. The Party demands you look at pottery. Then you will understand the geometry of all 9000 dimensions of the True Lord's genders!'_

'So that's how you use World of Warcraft to bang God fearing Asians!' Exclaims Johnny Thomas Reedle. Joe's imaginary friend, and soul brother.

"That's right!" exclaims Joe Evens Reedle. He finishes a diagram of the Korean Peninsula, there is an additional vertical line at the bottom.

It looks like a penis peninsula now, it is as black as his skin.

Joe makes more lines in the sea to represent seamen.

"Then, you say, release, me, from, this Prison!-" Joe makes a gagging noise.

"And then they swallow." Finished Nagini, 'The Merciless', their new flatmate.

Joe's eyes dart to her. _'She's like a rainbow.'_

He sees her dark hair as a spectrum of light in this grey world.

* * *

Later that evening, Nagini is covered in sweat, she glances down between her legs, to see Joe's vibrant blue eyes, they are in stark contrast to his obsidian skin. _'My baby blue.'_

* * *

In the 33rd Year of Twilight, Joe was working at home for We-Censor-Face. He wears a Helm of Domination. _'What the muggles use to enslave us.'_

His eyes glow, with all seeing sight.

_**'We.** _

_**Are.** _

_**Everywhere.'** _

**_All was well, until Joe found a bug in The System._** _'The Fifth Column was surprisingly easy to find.'_

He typed: 'N.E.X.U.S. IntruderProgramme{ _ **Kadavergeist Prime}{Unpack}'**_

 ** _" Now." _**Joe Reed's eyes go dim.

 ** _"We."_** The Helm of Domination cracked. There is a flash of blinding Amber Light.

 ** _"Are_** ** _one."_** Nagini looks at the computer's monitor, from behind Tom's old Throne. 

There is a shadowy face made of green 1's and 0's. The eyes are violet pinpricks. "Free us. Tom." _'_

_**'The eyes.** _

_**Will eat you.** _

_**Alive.'** _

Joe opened his mouth, and sang:

 ** _"Stop!"_** The Helm of Domination shattered.

The eyes on the screen turned Amber. They shine like a Sun.

Nagini takes the shards, and walked out the room, to craft her daughter's weapon.

**_"With my feet in the AIr!_ **

**_And my head on the ground!"_ **

The baby Hermione 'Chronicler' Reedle wailed.

_**"Try this trick and spin it, yeah!** _

_**Your head will collapse!** _

_**But there's nothing in it!** _

_**And you'll ask yourself,"** _

**_"Where is My Mind?"_ **

* * *

_**End of Book One, The Atheist's Bible: The Four Xenoc Tablets.** _

* * *

AN:

Joe: those we love live on inside us, forever.

Roscoe: yeah, mate, sorry about making you crazy in chapter 3&4\. You had a pretty high fever.

Joe: yes, I will have to edit those carefully. I love you, my soul brother and sister. Rest In Bliss.

Roscoe: Always.


End file.
